Wednesday, April 23, 2008


To be brief.

Stupid 'Anti-Playoff Hockey Ray'. I go to work for one game and the stupid cat knocks the power chord. Next round will be different. *Shakes fist*.

Also, the Montreal 'Riot'? Grow up please you dorks.

Also, give Sherry a visit/comment/email if you are interesting in a blogger party in Satan's belly (Read: Ottawa) during the NHL draft. I'll be attending, and what more reason do you need?

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Straight Eye For The Rayzor Guy

Both Rayzor Emery and Andrew Rayzorcroft had, well lets say, sub-par seasons. Both are dealing with potential buy outs, unless of course their respective teams can deal them away for more than a bag of pucks and a thimble (you never know when you'll need a thimble).
But who is more attractive to the market? Who is most likely to find a new home?

Round One: Magic Numbers - Stats.
Ray Emery
Games Played: 31
Save%: .890

Andrew Raycroft
Games Played:19
GAA: 3.92
Save%: .876

Edge - Emery by the numbers. But Raycroft's numbers are slightly inflated due to the small amount of games played and the horrific defense in front of him. Emery's also may have suffered from inconsistant playing time from the infamous 'win and your in' policy.

Round Two: Show Me The Money - Contract.
Ray Emery
$3,166,667 for two more years.

Andrew Raycroft
$2,000,000 for one more year.

Edge - Raycroft. Less money, less years, less commitment.

Round Three: Children Of The Damned - Character.
Ray Emery.
Extrovert. Flashy suits. Tatooed. Bling. Rap star persona. Bad boy for life.
Ray has developed a reputation as being selfish and arrogant, or at the very least not punctual. The media in Ottawa had a field day this year catagorizing his foibles for the world to scoff at.
It is also to note that the year before, when he was winning and the Sens went on a Stanley Cup finals run, he was just considered to have been somewhat of a character in an innocent 'He so crazy' type of way.
Ray has also proven in his past that he loves to compete, and he wont shy away from much, be it a microphone or Andrew Peters.

Andrew Raycroft.
Introvert. Eternal Opptomist. All smiles. Permenant five O'Clock shadow. Hometown boy.
Andrew is the flip side to Ray's coin of misfortune. He doesn't seem to stir up the pot, all his interviews sound like he is just trying to say the most positive thing he can say at any given moment. Seemed more than happy to sit on the bench and open the door for Toskala although it was evident he wanted to be on the ice. His main problem is that he can't seem to use emotion in a positive way. He can't translate either positive or negative emotion into his play on the ice. If he is having a good game, he relaxes and then lets in the 'Raycrap wave(TM)' goal Leaf fans are accustomed to. If he is having a bad game, he gets grumpy and well... the ghost of red light Racicot takes over his body.

Edge: Tie. It depends what you are looking for and what would be a better fit on your team. A young, driven rough around the edges cowboy or a calm, quiet 'aw shucks I'll try my darndest' type.

Round Four: What have you done for me lately? - Accomplishments.
Ray Emery
Stanley Cup Run in 2007.
Speed bagging Marty Biron and then grinning like the Joker as he held his own against Andrew Peters.
Got Replaced by Baby Cheese as the Sens #1

Andrew Raycroft.
Calder in 2002.
Robbing Billy Guerin in 2007 with probably one of the greatest saves ever.
Being one hell of a doorman in the 07/08 season.
Got Replaced by The Tosk as the Leafs #1

Edge: Raycroft. Because I'm a biased jerk

Raycroft wins!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Target Aquired

Since the demise of the Ottawa Senators hopes and dreams, it is time to turn my all powerful 'Anti-Playoff Hockey Ray' (patent pending) at its new target, the slightly less evil Montreal Canadians.
Count your days Habbies, for they be numbered.

Maniacal laugh goes here.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


It's a curling joke! Get it? Huh? Huh?

My cleverness knows no bounds!

God MS Paint is hard.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

We Must Flee!

In the photo'choppin' spirit of Pensblog, I give you Robertzilla!
Yes, I know the game wasn't at the SBC, and I know Gary Roberts isn't a giant reptilian hybrid, but he stomped all over Ottawa, Tokyo style. Reminds me of the good ol' days.
I love this picture like it was my own child, It took a hell of alot longer than I thought it would but it was worth it. MS Paint is hard.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Where Do We Go Now?

Hello friends! Are you confused what to do now that your team has been eliminated? Still want to watch hockey but don't want to cheer for another team because that would be blasphemy? Tired of just cheering for teams you hate to loose?
I have the answer you are looking for, and some suggestions on how to go about fulfilling your new playoff commitment!
The solution is simple and easy to follow, and the best part is that it leaves you guilt free about cheering for someone other than your beloved.
Cheer for players, not teams!
Just pick a player, or players that you think deserve, or would like to see to win the Stanley Cup!
Here are some suggestions and reasons why these players are worth cheering for.

Alexander Ovechkin - The most dynamic scorer in today's NHL, endlessly entertaining and he truly loves to score, win and just play hockey. He has all the wacky personality traits and goofy facial hairs to soften even the hardest opposing fans heart.

Martin Brodeur - He needs as many cups as he can get to be cemented as the best goalie ever. Crazy man Roy needs to be knocked down a peg.

Geno Malkin - Carried the Pens to the playoffs when Crosby was out. Reminds me of an early Forsberg, little flash, all magic.

Jarome Iginla - He is the closest thing to Wendel Clark the NHL has, and that is more than enough.

Dion Phaneuff- Just to cause Pierre Mcguire's head would explode with joy.

Gary Roberts - For all the good he did the Leafs in the past, plus if he wins a cup somewhere else maybe he'll want to come home.

Christobal Heut - It would piss of Habs fans. Call it Roy to Colorado part 2.

Jason Spezza - Just kidding!

Remember, only you can prevent cross-cheering. Pick a player, for whatever reason, and enjoy the playoffs!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Ending On A Low Note

Tonight, said favourite team close out what has been a crap-tacular season against Les Canadiens. I know exactly what I want to see on the ice tonight. I want to see one hell of a shit kicking. I want to see a blow-out, a shut out and catastrophic fallout after the game.

I want the Habs to kill the Leafs tonight.

Hold on, pick your faces off the floor, I have a logical train of thought here. Winning will do nothing but give the hollowest of hollow victories to Team Foliage. A loss on the other hand will make a clean sweep in the off season seem all the more urgent. An absolute incineration even more so.

So play Raycroft, sit the injured and the useless, it's not like it could get any worse for anyone who is already going to loose their job.

Lets get project pooper-scooper off to a good start. Create an atmosphere of 'Oh shit!' in the MLSE (as much a one as can be possible anyway). Give the GM and new coach coming in a reason to make drastic, crazy and ground-breaking changes.

It has to get worse before it gets better. I'm looking at tonight like tearing off a band aid. It's probably going to hurt, but do you really want that stinky, festering old band-aid interfering with the healing that needs to occur.

I also came up with a new nickname for Raycroft. Stinky, festering old band-aid. Catchy ain't it?

Friday, April 4, 2008

See You In Hell

Well I missed last nights game because of work, and I'm kinda glad I, haevn't seen the highlights yet, TSN and sports center seem to be hiding them from me like they know something I don't.
Leafs got crushed, Sens now have momentum, Bah. But apparently Mark Bell did something cool.

And now I ask that you bow your heads in Prayer.

Now I lay Hope down to sleep,
I pray the Sens the Bruins do beat.
I should cry if the playoffs they make,
I pray they choke, and not on cake

I am going to hell for that, and any of you that laughed are going too!


Holy Shit! Best hit EVAR!
Also McCabe had a half decent fight? What the hell? If it weren't for the score, this could have been the best game ever.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Unconditional Conditions

There are very few things in this world that I love unconditionally.
My family.
Myself (narcissism aside).
And the Toronto Maple Leafs.

But by god Leafs, if you don't beat those goddamn Sens tonight, you will be testing my limits.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

LolLeafs - Spoiler Edition

Man LD, you are keeping me on my toes with these LolLeafs.