Monday, September 29, 2008

Sing Loud, Sing Proud

There really is too much to love about watching an NHL Hockey game in Canada, live or on TV.
There is always a team playing that you an either throw all your love behind (see Maple Leafs, Toronto) or a team that you can try and hate to death the entire game (see Else, Everyone).

One of my favourite parts of the game, has little to do with hockey itself. The anthems. I love them. Except for on the rare occasion some shitty celebrity, or friend of Johnny the zamboni driver is handed the microphone and they manage to butcher our national pride of course.
But when done properly the anthems are an amazing thing, especially when you get both the American and Canadian anthems back to back (Canadian last, of course).

Nothing, but NOTHING, makes me happier and more proud to be a Canadian than hearing the words "God keep our land, Glorious and free" as the crowd swells into cheers and sings loudly along before the clincher of "Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee" is belted out and it sounds like the whole country is either cheering or singing along".

It always gives me the shivers, and then hockey is on and we get to hear Bob Cole say his most ridiculous line of the night in introducing the goaltenders (this evenings masochists of the mesh mortuaries are..).

Good times, good times.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Putting Things In Perspective

I've heard a lot of bitc...I mean complaining about how the pre-season isn't real hockey, its too long it makes my butt look big in these pants, whatever.

Let me put it in perspective for you haters out there.

It's about 10 zillion times better than the offseason.

Monday, September 15, 2008

We Can Rebuild Them, Stronger...Faster...Less Offensively Dangerous

If you've been keeping track of what is happening to the line up of yonder Maple Leafs, you may have noticed a few changes in said locker room. But for ever face that has left, there is a fresh new mug for us to get acquainted with, a tit for tat if you will. Except there are no tits....Unless you count the MLSE.

These are the replacements.

The Original - Wade Belak
The Replacement - Jamal Mayers

For Better or for worse? Mayers is probably a better leader, and can actually put up a point or two, it is up in the air on who is a better fighter, but Mayers will never be able to make love to a camera like Wade.

The Original - Darcy Tucker
The Replacement - Ryan Hollweg

For Better of for worse? Hollweg is a tough, but semi dirty pest who is known for taking bad penalties. He will never be able to fill Tuckers water glass let alone replace him.

The Original - Kyle Wellwood
The Replacement - Michael Grabowski

For Better or for worse? Another smallish offensively gifted speedster with all the potential in the world? Dear god keep him away from Kirspy Kream.

The Original - Hall Gill
The Replacement - Jonas Frogden

For Better or for worse? The Frog seems to be willing to punish bitches with his size in where Hall would just use his massive wingspan as a roadblock. Experience is what worries me....well that and spiders.

The Original - Bryan McCabe
The Replacement - Mike VanRyan

For Better or for worse? VanRyan doesn't make me want to puke.

The Original - Andrew Raycroft
The Replacement - Curtis Joseph

For Better or for Worse? Cujo could be 20 years older, blind in both eyes and have a peg leg and still be a better back up than Raycroft. And we'd have a pirate on our team.
/scurvy dog joke.

The Origional - Mats Sundin
The Replacement - Keanu Reaves

For better or for worse? With the help of Gene Hackman and a plucky cheerleader who actually knows more about hockey than any GM or Coach in the NHL, Keanu will single handedly unite this team of misfits and transform them into an odd defying underdog story with hilarious antics and memorable speeches about!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Walk The Line

Hey look, I'm not dead! An odd combination of laziness and busyness have kept me from postyness. I was gonna do a rant, or something else. But I have decided that I am going to do something that is utterly pointless and predict the Leafs opening line ups for this season.
This is an exercise in futility and I know it. The roster is far from cemented and there are about eleventy billion question marks.
And thats why I'm doing it.....for the children, won't someone think of the children?

Starting line up
Blake - Antro - Pony
Is this the best possible line up? I doubt it, but I think Wilson will try to get the Antropony chemistry going, and give Blake a chance to find his top circle wrister groove again.

Second line
Grabowski - Steen - Tlusty
Youth and speed, this line will rule if they get chemestry going....and Grabowski doesn't suck.

Third line
Haggas - Stajan- Kulmenin
To ease Kulmenin into the NHL he'll get limited ice, hopefully he proves he is worthy of higher billing

Fourth - Checking Line
Mayers- Bell - Hollwigger
This line would be hella tough to play against.

First Defense Pairing
Kaberle - Kubina
No brainer

Second Defensive Pairing
Stralman - Finger (insert Pun)
Give the kid some good ice time, and let Finger attempt to prove his worth

Third Defensive Pairing
VanRyan - Carlo
brittle defense men FTW!

Boyce and White will share this, until Fletcher can unload White on Florida for draft picks.

The Tosk

Backup - doorman
too bad we wont get to see much of that awesome mask.

Leaf fans who still have a shred of hope that we wont suck so bad as to get laughed at my Lightning fans, but still secretly hope we tank bad enough to snag Tavares, but does it really matter because we won't be able to score tickets anyways.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

It Is Official

With the finalization of the McCabe to Florida deal it has finally become official. I have mystical magical super like powers.
Through the vessel that is this blog I have preformed amazing miracles, time and time again proving my amazing abilities.
The Open Letter is to be feared. For those of you not up to date. Every single person I have written an open letter to has been removed from the Toronto Maple Leafs in some way shape or form.
So now I have to make a decision, should I use these amazing demi-god like powers for good or evil?

Probably evil.....

I give new meaning to the words 'Dear John Letter'

Who should feel my wrath next? I have yet to decide....

Mine is an evil laugh.