The new members of the Toronto Maple Leafs are gathered in a board room at the Air Canada Center. The room is set up like a class room, individual desks for all the players, a big desk up front, even a projector and other implements of education strewn around the room. They appear to be waiting..... except for Scrivens who appears to be asleep at his desk.
Kris Versteeg: Hey Cheese, did the note you got say anything about why we are here?
Colby Armstrong: Stop calling me that....and no, the note just said be here at 9am sharp.
Versteeg: Haha, sharp cheese....I used to play with a guy named Sharp. He smelt like tacos.
Armstrong: What the hell is wrong with you?
Just then the door opens. In walks Brian Burke, he is flanked by Dion Phaneuf and Mike Komisarek.
Dion Phaneuf: TEN HUT!
the players all snap to in their seats, except for Scrivens who is startled awake and falls sideways onto the floor
Brian Burke: Dion, what the hell did I tell you about that Army BS?
Phaneuf: SIR, YOU SAID NOT TO BARK ORDERS LIKE A DRILL SARGENT UNTIL THE SEASON STARTS, SIR!
Burke: and you are doing what?
Phaneuf: SIR, SORRY SIR, WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN SIR!
Burke then pauses to look around the room at his new players, upright at their desks.
Burke: Welcome, all of you, to the Toronto Maple Leafs. This is to be your introductory class into the school of pugnacity, testosterone, truculence, and belligerence. Where you will learn what it means to play for a storied franchise such as the Leafs.
Versteeg: I played for the Blackhawks!
Burke: Yes, I know, but if you speak out of turn again, I will let Mike Komisarek here give you a practical lesson in pain.
Komisarek opens his suit jacket, revealing a holstered pistol with "Truculence" inscribed in the handle.
Armstrong raises his hand
Burke: Yes Colby?
Armstrong: well, uh...sir, I'm just curious as to what exactly we will be learning, I mean I am pretty good at body checking and the physical aspect of the game.
Burke: Oh yes, I know, that is why I brought you in. But we are hear to teach you MORE, this isnt just about being physical on the ice, it is about embodying the spirit of PTTB.
Versteeg raises his hand
Burke: Yes Chris?
Versteeg: Actually its Kris, but, uh yeah, like cheese said, I'm not sure exactly how we are going to learn what....
Versteeg trails off as he stares out the window
Burke: Right....Ok we haven't heard from the rest of the class. Lets start with some get to know each other questions. How does it feel to be a Maple Leaf. Lets start with you Brett Lebda
Lebda: Brett Lebda likes being a Maple Leaf,Brett Lebda likes the city of Toronto. Brett Lebda is excited to go on the ice and play. Brett Lebda can't believe you pay him so much. Brett Lebda… Brett…. Lebda…Brett…..LebbbbbzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz
Burke: O....k..... Jussi?
Jussi Rynnas: En alle seistä omalla kielellä, koska en puhu Englanti. Minulla ei ole aavistustakaan, mitä täällä. Missä minun kengät?
Burke: The hell? Can we get a translator here? Where is Gustavsson when I need him?
Dion: SIR, GUSTAVSSON IS SWEDISH SIR, RYNNAS IS FINNISH, THAT IS TWO DIFFERENT LANGUAGES AND CULTURES, BOTH INTERESTING IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL WAY, SIR.
Burke: Shut up Dion.
Dion: SIR, YES SIR.
Armstrong raises his hand.
Burke: Yes, Cheese?
Armstrong: Well sir, I speak fluent Finnish and...wait, did you just call me Cheese?
Burke: Why yes I did, Cheese. It is very catchy.
Armstrong: Never mind....
Burke: Ok how about you Ben? Wait...why are you still on the floor?
Scrivens: It is cool and smooth, like Italian marble. Or the glass in a store front window.
Burke: O.k....fuck this, I'm out.
Burke walks to the door followed by Phaneuf and Komisarek, as he leaves he yells.
Burke: HEY RONNIE DUB, YOUR ON DECK.
Ron Wilson bursts in the room in full gangsta attire
Ron Wilson: YO YO YO CRACKA'S LETS GET RIZZEAL!
to be continued.....