Die Hard Blue And White

Pre-Pre Season Prediction Pontification

2011-08-30T16:06:00.000-07:00

My blogging has been less than frequent as of late, so I am starting with something nice and easy to get myself into writing shape for the season. Consider this the start of training camp.

20 Predictions for the 2011-2012 NHL season
Leaf-centric
1- Tim Connolly will be a 0.8 PPG player
2- Phil Kessel will score 40 goals
3- Luke Schenn will get 30 points
4- Matt Lombardi will play 20+ games for the Leafs
5- Nazem Kadri will score 45+ points
6- Mike Komisarek will earn some of his money....maybe half of it
7- Ron Wilson will coach the full final year of his contract
8- Josh Leivo will be this years Josh Nicholls and surprise everyone with his CHL scoring
9- No one will miss any of the players let go/traded from last season....except Kaberle for nostalgia purposes alone.
10- The Leafs will be fighting for a playoff spot right up to the end, and won't miss by more than 6 points

NHL Wide
1- The Jets will not only be terrible, their fan base and the media whoring around them will be intolerable.
2- The Flyers at best will be a bottom rung playoff team
3- If Cary Price produces an average season, the Habs will be a below average team
4- The Oilers and Islanders will continue to rush their prospects
5- The Avalanche will hand the Caps a top 5 pick for .905 goaltending
6- Ovechkin will be back, in a big way and win the Richard
7- Crosby will return, and score at a staggering pace almost immediately
8- Selanne will still be near a PPG if he plays for the Ducks
9- Jagr will embarrass himself in Philly this year.
10- Forsberg will attempt yet another come back

Newest Member of Leaf nation

2011-04-17T13:48:00.001-07:00

say hello to the newest member of Leaf Nation, his name is Tiberius Michelangelo Levernicus, or TML for short

Meaning

2011-03-04T08:45:00.000-08:00

"To Live is to suffer, but to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering"
-Roberta Flack

Your Toronto Maple Leafs are now 3 points out of the final playoff spot in the East, currently engaged in an all out dog fight where every game, every point, every period and every shift means something.

The odds are, and will continue to be, heavily stacked against them, and that is the best thing that ever could have happened to this young team.
While the Leafs may or may not make the post season, this run, this energy and this hunger will only be positive for the development of this team. No matter what, when the Toronto Maple Leafs players hang their skates up for the last time on this 2010-2011 season they will know that they can do it. They can make an impact and they can win with the pressure of the world on their shoulders.
They will also know that their fans, us, are behind them, that we believe they can do it.
So remember this Leaf nation. Remember that even if they fall short, this is just the beginning. Those once hollow words of "there is always next year" ring with hope once again.

Go Leafs go

I believe

2011-03-01T08:40:00.000-08:00

I believe
I believe in long shots, beating bad odds and betting the over
I believe in the over paid, the under appreciated and those given up on long ago
I believe in proving them wrong
I believe in shocking the world
I believe in the stubbornness of youth, the refusal to quit and the power of desire
I believe in redemption
I believe in heroes
I believe in the Toronto Maple Leafs
I believe

mmm

2010-08-13T13:19:00.001-07:00

You make Grabbo sad

2010-08-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Your un-reasonable and unfounded Grabbo hate makes me sad, Leaf fans. Why must you hate our mullet-ed pine apple slayer?
Sure, he is a bit of a dink, and he gets knocked on his ass more than his fair share, but he is just so cute!
Give him a chance, let his flowing locks into your heart. Embrace Grabbo-weeble, he loves you!
Unless you are a pined apple. In that case he will get you.

Oh will he get you.

I'm on a horse.

Welcome To The Party Pal

2010-07-31T19:03:00.000-07:00

The new members of the Toronto Maple Leafs are gathered in a board room at the Air Canada Center. The room is set up like a class room, individual desks for all the players, a big desk up front, even a projector and other implements of education strewn around the room. They appear to be waiting..... except for Scrivens who appears to be asleep at his desk.

Kris Versteeg: Hey Cheese, did the note you got say anything about why we are here?

Colby Armstrong: Stop calling me that....and no, the note just said be here at 9am sharp.

Versteeg: Haha, sharp cheese....I used to play with a guy named Sharp. He smelt like tacos.

Armstrong: What the hell is wrong with you?

Versteeg: Beauty!

Just then the door opens. In walks Brian Burke, he is flanked by Dion Phaneuf and Mike Komisarek.

Dion Phaneuf: TEN HUT!

the players all snap to in their seats, except for Scrivens who is startled awake and falls sideways onto the floor

Scrivens: EEEYAUUUAH!

Brian Burke: Dion, what the hell did I tell you about that Army BS?

Phaneuf: SIR, YOU SAID NOT TO BARK ORDERS LIKE A DRILL SARGENT UNTIL THE SEASON STARTS, SIR!

Burke: and you are doing what?

Phaneuf: SIR, SORRY SIR, WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN SIR!

Burke: /sigh

Burke then pauses to look around the room at his new players, upright at their desks.

Burke: Welcome, all of you, to the Toronto Maple Leafs. This is to be your introductory class into the school of pugnacity, testosterone, truculence, and belligerence. Where you will learn what it means to play for a storied franchise such as the Leafs.

Versteeg: I played for the Blackhawks!

Burke: Yes, I know, but if you speak out of turn again, I will let Mike Komisarek here give you a practical lesson in pain.

Komisarek opens his suit jacket, revealing a holstered pistol with "Truculence" inscribed in the handle.

Armstrong raises his hand

Burke: Yes Colby?

Armstrong: well, uh...sir, I'm just curious as to what exactly we will be learning, I mean I am pretty good at body checking and the physical aspect of the game.

Burke: Oh yes, I know, that is why I brought you in. But we are hear to teach you MORE, this isnt just about being physical on the ice, it is about embodying the spirit of PTTB.

Versteeg raises his hand

Burke: Yes Chris?

Versteeg: Actually its Kris, but, uh yeah, like cheese said, I'm not sure exactly how we are going to learn what....

Versteeg trails off as he stares out the window

Armstrong: Uh....Kris?

Versteeg: birdy...beauty...birdeauty.....

Burke: Right....Ok we haven't heard from the rest of the class. Lets start with some get to know each other questions. How does it feel to be a Maple Leaf. Lets start with you Brett Lebda

Lebda: Brett Lebda likes being a Maple Leaf,Brett Lebda likes the city of Toronto. Brett Lebda is excited to go on the ice and play. Brett Lebda can't believe you pay him so much. Brett Lebda… Brett…. Lebda…Brett…..LebbbbbzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz

Burke: O....k..... Jussi?

Jussi Rynnas: En alle seistä omalla kielellä, koska en puhu Englanti. Minulla ei ole aavistustakaan, mitä täällä. Missä minun kengät?

Burke: The hell? Can we get a translator here? Where is Gustavsson when I need him?

Dion: SIR, GUSTAVSSON IS SWEDISH SIR, RYNNAS IS FINNISH, THAT IS TWO DIFFERENT LANGUAGES AND CULTURES, BOTH INTERESTING IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL WAY, SIR.

Burke: Shut up Dion.

Dion: SIR, YES SIR.

Armstrong raises his hand.

Burke: Yes, Cheese?

Armstrong: Well sir, I speak fluent Finnish and...wait, did you just call me Cheese?

Burke: Why yes I did, Cheese. It is very catchy.

Armstrong: Never mind....

Burke: Ok how about you Ben? Wait...why are you still on the floor?

Scrivens: It is cool and smooth, like Italian marble. Or the glass in a store front window.

Burke: O.k....fuck this, I'm out.

Burke walks to the door followed by Phaneuf and Komisarek, as he leaves he yells.

Burke: HEY RONNIE DUB, YOUR ON DECK.

Ron Wilson bursts in the room in full gangsta attire

Ron Wilson: YO YO YO CRACKA'S LETS GET RIZZEAL!

to be continued.....

some say.....

2010-07-01T04:25:00.000-07:00

Are You Ready?

2010-06-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

HEY MOTHER FUCKERS? YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?
HOLY SHIT! YOU GOD DAMN BETTER BELIEVE IT, ONE FUCKING DAY BEFORE THE MOTHER FUCKING ENTRY DRAFT!
GET EXCITED, THATS RIGHT MOTHER FUCKING EXCITED. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN, THEY'LL BE PLAYERS DRAFTED AND SHIT! YOU GET TO SEE WHAT TEAMS THOSE YOUNG MOTHER FUCKERS GET TO PLAY FOR!
HO LEEE FUUUUCK! YOU THINK THATS ALL? WELL ITS NOT, CHOPPER! YOU KNOW WHAT ALSO HAPPENS AT THE DRAFT? MOTHER. FUCKING. TRADES AND SHIT! TRADES!
YERRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHGUGUGUGUGUGH!
TRADEDS! PLAYERS BE MOVING TEAMS AND SHIT FOR OTHER PLAYERS GOING BACK TO THE OTHER TEAM, MAYBE EVEN SOME DRAFT PICKS! THAT IS JUST FUCKING WILD!
YOU KNOW WHAT IS COMING A FEW DAYS LATER?
FREE MOTHER FUCKING ANGENCY! FUCK YAH SIGNING PLAYERS AND SHIT!
SHIT IS ABOUT TI GET REAL SON WOOOOOOOO!

CAPTIAAAAAN CAAAAVEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

2010-06-15T05:43:00.001-07:00

I for one welcome our new rock banging overlord

Rebirth

2010-06-11T16:01:00.000-07:00

Como esta bitches?

Well, here we are, at an impasse of sorts. For the umpteenth time this season this little corner of the net has been, how you say, desolate. Why you ask? Well to be blunt (and a bit joint, maybe a teeny bit spliff) I have had zero drive to blog, write or create anything Leaf related. In fact, I had decided about a month ago that Die Hard Blue and White was going the way of the Dodo.

D as in ding dong the witch is dead. Hell I even had a good bye and farewell readers post written up.It was emotional, I got a little misty even. The best before date was set at today actually, end of the season, after the cup, I was dropping the hammer.

But then, dear readers, something hit me. A mystical force bitch slapped my brain like a Laperriere shot block.

“What the fuck kind of lazy ass quitter are you?” I thought. “This is bullshit, you are bullshit, stop being such a fucking donkey and man up moose. What do you think Burke would say?” Truth be told I have no idea what Burke would say. Probably something along the lines of “who the fuck are you? Get the fuck out of my office” and then he would shoot me or something, but I digress.

Quitting is for suckers , fools and Sucka fools. My mamma didn’t raise no sucka fool, so I am keeping this bitch a float. I can’t really say “I’m Back” because things they be a changing around here. The reason things got so bogged down round here were two fold.

One: the Leafs blew chunks all over the place which made them no fun at all to write about.

Two: I fell into a boring ass pattern of tired jokes, shitty gimmicks and forced humour.

Not to worry, your old favourites such as the open letter et all will remain staples of the site but things are going to be a little....well lets say sporadic, not in actual posting, no I promise this time that there will be plenty of updates, just the material will be less focused than it has been in the past. I know, scary right?

So hold on to your butts, even I don’t know where this is going, and I couldn’t be more excited to write.

Early Bird Gets The Elimination

2010-04-28T06:38:00.001-07:00

Usually I don't charge up the ray for a 2nd time until the first round is over, but since the Sens have been vanquished and the Habs still stand....Fuck the Habs

NO CUP FOR YOU!

Powering up

2010-04-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, dear readers, it is that time again. Time to dig out the trusty Anti-Playoff Hate ray. The undefeated, unavoidable ray of focused hate that knocks teams that piss me, and my fellow Leaf bretheren, off.
This years primary target, the inferiority complex to our North, the Ottawa Senators!
Zappy zappy.

Play Them Off Keyboard Cat

2010-04-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

Hello out there,their off the air, Leaf hockey ended last night.
Tension grows the home team blows no draft picks calm the blight.
Our goalies stunk and the players are junk, Leaf fans all must be insane
Ron Wilson roars "our games were bores!" there's no more hockey games

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

2nd period:

With so much trash, plays have no flash, the Leafs are in a bind
Burke spent a buck, cap hit is bursting up and Toskala MUST be blind
Will the pain ever cease? stings like bumble bees and hurts a burning flame
They see us slide the booze inside -theres no more hockey games

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

3rd period: last game in this abortion of a season too

Oh take me where the hockey players actually show up at the rink-
And the Stanley Cup dreams are real enough for a good reason to drink-
I still feel sick, Kerry Fraser is a dick, hope things arnt as bad as they seem-
Theres always next year, and lots of beer! There's no more hockey games!

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

Stats Quo - Update

2010-03-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

Prospect Stat Check - How we doin?

Phillipe Paradis - Shawiningan Cataractes - QMJHL
Reg - 63GP - 24G - 20A - 44PTS - 104PIM
Post -5GP- 2G - 1A - 3PTS - 0PIM

Mikhail Stephanovich - Quebec Ramparts - QMJHL
Reg- 53GP - 25G - 43A - 68PTS - 24PIM
Post -5GP - 3G - 6A - 9PTS - 0PIM

Dale Mitchell - Windsor Spitfires - OHL
Reg - 32GP - 16G - 27A - 43PTS - 44PIM
Post - 4GP - 2G - 4A - 6PTS - 6PIM

Jesse Blacker - Owen Sound Attack - OHL
Reg- 57GP - 6G - 27A - 33PTS - 74PIM
Post - N/A

Kenny Ryan - Windsor Spitfires - OHL
Reg - 52GP - 14G - 21A - 35PTS - 33PIM
Post -4Gp - 1G - 0A - 1PTS - 4PIM

Nazem Kadri - London Knights - OHL
Reg- 56GP - 35G - 58A - 93PTS - 105PIM
Post - 5GP - 4G - 10 A - 14PTS - 14PIM

Joel Champagne - Victoriaville Tigers - QMJHL
Reg - 65GP - 38G - 41A - 79PTS - 47PIM
Post - 5GP - 3G - 2A - 5PTS - 0 PIM

Jerry D'Amigo - R.P.I - NCAA
Reg - 35GP - 10G -24A - 34PTS - 37PIM
Post - N/A

James Devane -Plymouth Whalers - OHL
Reg - 51GP - 6G - 8A - 14PTS - 84PIM
Post - 5GP - 0G -1A - 1PTS - 7PIM

Jimmy Hayes - Boston College - NCAA
Reg - 38GP - 10G - 20A -30PTS - 22PIM
Post - N/A

Chris DiDominico - Drummondville Voltigeurs - QMJHL
Reg - 12GP - 7G - 15A - 22PIM - 10PIM
Post - 4GP - 2G - 8A - 10PTS - 0PIM

Odd Ends but No End To The Odd

2010-03-17T05:59:00.000-07:00

Holy shit...I have a blog.
Remember when I said I was back? Well I mean it this time.
First things first. You may have noticed a not so shocking lack of "game in ten words or less" posts.
There is a reason for that. I hate doing it. It was a good idea that I might bring back next year but the Leafs season thus far has created a burnout of sorts, so no more of that this season *.
Secondly. Fuck the Senators. Bunch of gutless pukes, enjoy your first round exit ya tool bags.
Thirdly .I am loving the play of the youth movement in Toronto. There is still a ton of work to be done and players like Stalberg, Caputi and Hanson REALLY need some seasoning in the AHL. Sure they all show flashes of what might be but now they look like marginal NHLers.
Fourthly. did anyone expect the Leafs to miss Grabbo that much? Since his return they are on a tear. Love that crazy bastard.
Fithly. Seriously, fuck the Senators. Alfredsson is a piece of dog shit.
Sixthly. I am actually enjoying Leaf games again. I am past the whole "oh noes the Bruins might get Hall!" thing and am actually excited to see how the team gels together and grows as a group.
Seventh.....ly. I like soup.

*Offer void If I think of something hilarious or what not.

PS - I don't give a fuck about Tiger Woods, shut up about it
PPS - Fuck the Sens

Where Dreams Go To Die

2010-03-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

Short and sweet, I am trying to be productive today so you don't get any filler (funny how the post isn't empty eh?)
Here are the top 5 dreams of Leaf fans round yon Interwebs that NEED TO DIE BECAUSE THEY ARN'T FUCKING HAPPENING.

1 - Getting Kovalchuck in the off season. Too much money, too much term, too much soft one way sniper and we already have Kessel and half what he will cost.

2- Trading Kaberle to Vancouver for Hodgeson/Kesler whatever. The Nucks don't need Kaberle bad enough to part with the price Burke will be asking.

3 - Trading Kaberle for Jordan Staal. See number 2, the Pens wont even consider it.

4- Penciling Kadri in the lineup next year. He won't get more than a cup of tea with the Leafs next year and will spend the majority with the Marlies to put on weight and test his metal against grown ass men.

5- Another quantity for quality trade (see Phaneuf trade). I've seen a lot of "well look what we gave up for Phaneuf!" talk when discussing possible future trades. But think about this. Most of the remaining peices are either UFA's that are going to be let walk (Exelby, Lundmark) or young talent (Kulemin, Schenn, Caputi) that Burke won't trade.
All of the tradeable value, except Kaberle , is gone.

Bonus crushed dream
Stop expecting a Kings ransom for Kaberle.
Lets pretend the Hawks need a puck mover, and they don't win the cup, maybe get beat in the quarters or whatever(note, I am not suggesting this trade it is just a value example) and they REALLY like Kaberle and think he could be the final peice to get them the chalice. Ignoring cap situations and logistics, I peg maximum return for a Kaberle straight up to Chicago at the 26th over all 1st round pick, Akim Alue and either a 2nd round in 2011 or a 3rd in 2010, and even that is pushing it.

Game 65: Leafs 1 - Flyers 3

2010-03-08T04:52:00.000-08:00

For a tough team, the flyers ice alot of clowns

Game 63: Leafs 2 - Sens 1 (SO)

2010-03-07T08:57:00.000-08:00

BooHoo

Moar Crosby choppin'

2010-03-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

What'cha gonna do when Crosby Mania runs wild on you?

Having too much fun with this

Game 63: Leafs 2 - Bruins 3 (SO) - Crosby Goodness

2010-03-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

My submission to the Crosby photochop competition.
oh and your game in 10 words or less.

Cup-puti! I hate American goalers

Game 62: Leafs 1 - Canes 5

2010-03-03T04:34:00.000-08:00

I already miss Poni. Hehe CaPoootie

Game 61: Leafs 0 - Blues 4

2010-02-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ugh, bring on the olympics

Game 60: Leafs 2 - Sharks 3

2010-02-08T20:37:00.000-08:00

Missed it by THAT much!

Game 59: Leafs 5 - Sens 0

2010-02-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

Gettin' Giggy with it

Sometimes Hockey Doesn't Matter

2010-02-06T06:12:00.000-08:00

My condolences and deepest heartfelt sympathies to the Burke and Reedy families in this time of loss. The thoughts of Leaf nation are with you in this difficult time.

Bow Bow Bow Chicka Chicka Bow Bow Chicka Wow

2010-02-04T09:46:00.000-08:00

Well hello there peoples of the interwebs.
Dead I am not, I have just been....distracted.
And not just by shiny objects this time. Thing is, up till recently, the Leafs have been anything but fun to write about, probably on the parallel with watching Ken Hitchcock seductively rub his man-maries.

simmer

So back the half assed apologies and excuses for being lazy.

I have none, nope. The Leafs have been terrible and I havn't felt like discussing it at length or in 10 words or less.

Speaking of that here is my 10 words or less for every game I missed.
OMG DION AN GIGGY WTFBBQ!

And now, a Bunny with a pancake on its head

I'm back bitches!

Game 49: Leafs 3 - Thrashers 4

2010-01-20T07:45:00.000-08:00

The team you are trying to watch...sucks

Game 49: Leafs 4 - Predators 3

2010-01-19T05:48:00.000-08:00

Slumps....BUSTED! Thank Jebus

Game 48: Leafs 1 - Caps 6

2010-01-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

Well that was TOTALLY unexpected.....

Gmae 47: Leafs 4 - Flyers 0

2010-01-14T18:38:00.000-08:00

BO-ZAK!

Game 45: Leafs 2 - Canes 4

2010-01-12T19:04:00.000-08:00

It is dark at the bottom of the barrel

Crystal Balls

2010-01-09T09:45:00.000-08:00

Welp, that decade sucked didn't it Leaf fans?
Sure the turn of the century teams were fair to good but since? Blech.
So what do we have to look forward to in the 10's? Most would say not much, 2 first round picks, Burke's head on a platter blah blah blah.
I however have a different view.
Here are my 10 Positive predictions for the next 10 years of leafs.

10- A return to respectability. The Leafs may not win the cup, but they will be competative. The Leafs will Ice a team for 3-4 straight years who will challenge to go deep.

9- The Leafs will attain a franchise player. I'm talking Sundin 2.o here. A player who will define this organization, be the face of the blue and white and be respected League wide for the type of player he is.

8- A Leaf player will score 50 goals.

7 - A Leaf goaltender will be nominated for the viezna.

6- Brian Burke will live out his full tenure as the Leafs GM, and be remembered fondly when he is gone.

5- The Leafs will make the playoffs at least 7 of the 10 years.

4- Two of the Leafs late round draft picks will become very good NHL players, maybe not Kaberle or Datsyuk good, but better than the average 1st rounder.

3- The Leafs will win the Kessel trade.

2 - Mats Sundin's number will be honoured and will be a first ballot hall of famer.

1- The Leafs will make it to the Stanley cup finals, and will make a series out of it.

Game 44: Leafs 2 - Sabres 3

2010-01-08T20:53:00.000-08:00

Go die in a fire Ryan Miller.....Not really...maybe

Prospecting

2010-01-07T17:31:00.001-08:00

This is more of an experiment in curiosity than a well thought out post, so don't go expecting startling revelations and comedic gold.
Here are the current statistics for Some Toronto Maple Leafs Prospects not playing for the Marlies.

Phillipe Paradis - 11G 14A 25PTS 57PIM -9 47GP
Mikhail Stephanovich - 11G 19A 30PTS 10PIM -2 27GP
Dale Mitchell - 9G 20A 29PTS 18PIM +15 19GP
Jesse Blacker - 3G 18A 21PTS 32PIM -13 35GP
Kenny Ryan - 7G 11A 18PTS 16PIM +7 25GP
Nazem Kadri - 20G 18A 38PTS 62PIM +13 28GP
Joel Champagne - 18G 27A 44PTS 32PIM +6 40GP
Jerry D'Amigo - 5G 9A 14PTS 10PIM +6 18GP
James Devane - 3G 3A 6PTS 23PIM 0 25GP
Jimmy Hayes - 4G 10A 14PTS 6PIM+ 2 17GP
Chris DiDominico - Has Not played

Oooga booga shooby doo

Game 43: Leafs 2 - Flyers 6

2010-01-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

Facepalm

Game 42: Leafs 3 - Panthers 2

2010-01-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

Goal? Me? Poni?!?!

Game 41: Leafs 1 - Flames 3

2010-01-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

Monster good monstrous, Leafs offense bad monstrous

The B Team

2009-12-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

With the announcement of Canadas' Olympic team, much has been said about who has been left off, and who should be there. Personally I am quite happy with the selections, shy of Eric Staal (I'm iffy on the Staals).
Got me wondering, however, would a team selected of Canadas remains be competative?
Here is my B- Squad

Forwards

Stamkos– StLouis – Cammalari
Lecavalier- Penner – Savard
Carter - Sharp- Horton
B Richards – Doan – Smyth

Defense

Green – Reghier
Boumeister – Barker
Phaneuf – M Staal

White

Goalers

Giguer, Turco, C Mason

if I opt for an extra forward instead of Defense man, it would be J. Staal

This team would compete every game, but probably top out as a Bronze medalist.

You Can't Handle The Truth

2009-12-29T19:40:00.000-08:00

I have been hearing a lot of poppy cock about Mike Fisher of Les Lamo's D'Ottawa being named to Canada's Olympic roster.
Here is my list of counter points as to why that would be a mistake.

1- He sucks.

that is all, carry on.

Game 39: Leafs 4 - Pens 3

2009-12-28T11:01:00.000-08:00

It's like Chrismas...slightly after Christmas!

Game 36-37-38: Leafs 1pt - Assorted teams 6pts

2009-12-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

Fuck that shit

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

I had a big super merry Christmas comedic special planned, but then life happened.
And by life I mean tons and tons of 100 proof Christmas cheer.

Happy Holidays to all and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Don't worry, that's a very short list.

Go Leafs Go

Game 36: Leafs 2 - Bruins 0

2009-12-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

Do the mash, do the Monster mash!

Game 35: Leafs 2 - Sabers 5

2009-12-18T20:22:00.001-08:00

I hate Vesa Toskala. So. Much.

LoLeafs: Our Future Edition

2009-12-18T05:37:00.001-08:00

Game 34: Leafs 3 - Coyotes 6

2009-12-17T07:15:00.000-08:00

You don't show up, you can't expect dinner

Game 33: Leafs 3 - Sens 2

2009-12-14T21:35:00.000-08:00

It's all about the Beauchemins

Game 32: Leafs 6 - Caps 3

2009-12-13T08:09:00.000-08:00

I am so very confused by this team sometimes

Game 31: Leafs 2 - Bruins 5

2009-12-10T18:25:00.000-08:00

Wake me when its over.....no, dont wake me

Game 30: Leads 3 - Islanders 2

2009-12-10T06:03:00.000-08:00

Boom, here comes the boom, ready or not

Dance Dance

2009-12-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a theme song, everyone.
This one for instance is mine.
Now without further fluff. I give to thee, the individual theme song for each Leaf, this year. Click the player name for the song.

Matt Stajan - reviving dead memes
Alexi Ponikarovski - Bow bow bow
Nickolai Kulemin - gotta get mine
Jason Blake - Hey Blakie!
Michail Grabovski - It just fits....the video is classic Grabbo
Mike Komiserik - every girl is crazy for this guy
Luke Schenn - and the whole world is pregnant
Thomas Kaberle - you've been cross crease passed by, one timer set up by...
Vesa Toskala - Fabulous!
Joey Macdonald - I guess you didn't know
Francois Beauchemin - Easy joke
Ian White - He's the hardest working man in Blue and White
Wayne Premeau - Always in the shadow
Colton Orr - is there any doubt he lives for this?
Garnet Exelby - all I ever hear when he is on the ice,something bad is about to happen
Jeff Finger - you knew that was coming
Lee Stempniak - You'll never guess what I chose
Phil Kessel - You know him, he don't need no introduction and shit.
Nick Hagman - I love the dangles, I love the real hot wife
Jonas Gustavsson - I worry about myself some times

Game 29: Leafs 5 - Thrashers -2

2009-12-08T05:56:00.000-08:00

Poni rides for all!

Game 27: Leafs 2 - Bruins 7

2009-12-06T06:41:00.000-08:00

They deserved to lose, but not by that much

Game 27: Leafs 6 - Blue Jackets 3

2009-12-03T19:36:00.000-08:00

Phil Fucking Kessel

Game 26: Leafs 3 - Habs -0

2009-12-01T19:15:00.000-08:00

you cant have a centennial celebration with out a couple zeros!

Game 25: Leads 0 - Slugs 3

2009-11-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

I always expect better against Buffalo, shouldn't be surprised though

Game 24: Leafs 6 - Panthers 4

2009-11-28T06:39:00.000-08:00

Kessels and Hagmans and Beauchemins oh my.... And Ponis

Movember

2009-11-26T12:34:00.001-08:00

What did you do for Movember?

Game 23: Leafs 4 - Bolts 3

2009-11-25T19:51:00.000-08:00

Not pretty but they won, well except Hagman, he's dreamy

Game 22: Leafs 3 - Islanders 4 OT

2009-11-23T18:54:00.001-08:00

Is there anyway to just refuse overtime?

LoLeafs: I Got Nothing Edition

2009-11-22T11:07:00.000-08:00

/giggles

Game 21: Leafs 2 - Caps 1 SO

2009-11-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

Win? Toskala? Well colour me impressed

What Might Have Been, But Not Really

2009-11-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

I am a bit a masochist, being a like long Leaf fan who has refused to turn of his TV during the worst of Leaf games (most of this season for instance) is a telling sign of that.
Being the bringer of self pain, and inspired by THIS post by Mr mf37 I decided to look at what might have been if the Leafs had not surrendered all of those needlessly spent picks and had some how miraculously finished in the same position every year and drafted the best available player in said round.

I call this the "Oh dear god why do I do this to myself" list of possible Leafs/ex Leafs

2000- Brad Boyes (1st rnd for Nolan)
2003- Corry Perry (1st rnd for Nolan)
2004 -Mike Green (1st rnd for Leetch)
2005 -Tukka Rask (1st rnd for Raycroft)
2007 - David Perron (1st rnd for Toskala)

I'm not even gonna go back any farther and look at the famous Luongo draft pick and all that because I would drive my head through my laptop.

I'm gonna go drink myself to death now.

Game 20: Leafs 5 - Canes 6 SO

2009-11-19T19:01:00.000-08:00

Swear words, Lots of em

Game 19 - Leafs 2 Sens 3

2009-11-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

Gah! Rabble Rabble!

A Night In Review

2009-11-17T07:51:00.000-08:00

As some of you might recall, I was recently present at a Toronto Maple Leafs themed shindig in the breezy city of Chicago. This is my story, names have been changed to protect the innocent and conceal the guilty.

7:55 - Arrive at seats just in time for anthems, I look at my empty right hand and wonder why I only bought one beer.

7:57 - take drink out of fresh beer now in right hand.

8:00 - Anthems start, this joint is rockin'. Hawks fans know how to throw a party,

8:05 - Puck drop, I place two empty beer cups under my seat.

8:09 - Schenn sets up Kane for a goal, I place two mire empty beer cups under my seat.

8:15 - In the bathroom see a guy with a Lumme Jersey, I ask him why. he doesn't know

8:22 - Dunkin Keith blasts a slapper past the stupid vesa is stupid. At least Chelsea daggar is still kinda fun.

8:25 - THAT WAS FUCKING IN YOU FUCKS! YOUR FACE IS INCONCLUSIVE.

8:30 - I get the "You again 'eh'?" from the beer lady

8:36 - First intermission, I have a lengthy discussion with the Hawks fans around me, we reach an agreement that they will hate the Sens as long as we hate the wings.

8:40 - Random Hawks fan in a Roenick jersey DEMANDS I high five him, I oblige him, as hard as I fucking can.

8:41 - Roenick jersey's friend Toews jersey declines a high five.

8:50 - Second period starts, I get bumped by my friend, beer is lost in the red fleech pull over of the lady in front of me. She doesn't notice.

8:55 - More beer is lost, to the floor this time, for the first time I miss the ACC, well the sippy cup lids anyways.

8:57 - Troy Brouwer tip in, I fucking hate Chelsea Daggar.

9:00 - Beer lady doesn't like my hilarious "serving wench" joke.

9:03 - Beer lady 2.0 makes "hilarious" Canadian joke.

9:10 (est)- I officially lose the ability to track time.

- Luke Schenn fights, sensing I want to hit something, the nearby Hawks fans agree Schenn won handedly.

- Hawks fan behind me cracks wise wondering "what are you guys paying Kessel for?"

- Kessel embarrasses Huet from the blue line /insert smug smily

- Second intermission - instinct leads me to beer lady. Her scowl directs me to beer lady 2.0.

- Leaf fan in a Baumgartner jersey, asks me if I realize how awesome Kessel is, I tell him he doesn't even know. He wanders off, thuroughly confused.

- I play a game of which Ice girl is hot and which one just needs a sammich with the Hawks fans around me, the waivy haired brunette wins.

- waivy haird brunette bends over, we all win.

- They do that shoot from the redline and win some swag thing. A blond with cloths 4 sizes too small and 10" heels nearly takes a header when she shoots. I laugh way too hard.

- I remember to go directly to beer lady 2.0, the pile of empty beer cups is getting rather large, I make an alcoholic pyramid.

- 90 year old Hawks fan looks at my work of art and scowls, then says "you Leaf fans like to drink" like its a bad thing.

- Third period. Things are getting swirrly.

- They play varucal salt, and I dance dance dance.

- Kessel scores on a dirty dirty shot, I yell "who is your hockey god now?" loud enough to confuse people in the lower bowl"

- Red fleece lady notices how she has been marinating in my extra draft beer, and informs me of it. I appologise, and suggest she complain at the lack of sippy cup lids because "those things would prevent tradgedies like this from ever happening".

- Details get VERY sketchy at this point. I go to visite beer lady one more time,she is still all scowls and sunshine. Imake sure I don't blink as she pours my beer because I have convinced myself she will spit in it.

- I turn to a random fan in a Clark jersey. Point at my beer and ask "does this look like spit to you?"

- The game ends, I am surprised I am still verticle.

- The cab takes us to a bar, and then things get wild.

Twofer: Leafs 2 - Hawks 3 And Leafs 2 Games 5

2009-11-15T12:13:00.000-08:00

sorry for spilling beer all over you Hawks fan lady

and

First bad game for the Monster, Hope its the last

Blue (and White) Brothers

2009-11-13T05:46:00.000-08:00

Off I go again, doing the Toronto Maple Leaf fan pilgrimage to an opposing rink because it is cheaper than hitting up the ACC. I am starting to think that is a ploy by the MLSE to spread their brand across the continent, Leaf jerseys nigh on guaranteed to be out in full force no matter the enemy barn. Advertising!
Things I am looking forward to
- Seeing Kessel play
- Seeing Luke Schenn take the bull by the horns and flourish with the extra ice time.
- throwing dimes at Patrick Kane.
- Seeing a goalie as over priced and under achieving as Vesa Toskala start opposite Vesa Toskala.
- Watching Gustavsson start the second period.

SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE YOKO!

2009-11-11T20:21:00.001-08:00

Things Leaf fans have got to shut up and stop obsessing about because it is getting tiresome.

Schenn's playing time. He's buried in the depth chart, and needs to work on perfecting all aspects of his game before he can displace the others.
Bozak not playing on the Leafs. He hasn't earned it.
Jason Blake. He isn't going anywhere, he isn't being waived and he isn't being traded.
Captaincy. No one has earned it, and its not a blue ribbon handed out to the player who shows up the most.
Ron Wilson being fired. Ain't gonna happen this season sweet heart, walk it off.

That is all, feel free to bitch about anything else, this post even cause I am sure some of you disagree.

You're still wrong though....Jerk.

Thank You

2009-11-11T06:26:00.000-08:00

For all that you gave, and will give
For the lives you saved, and those yet to be lived
Always I will remember the things that you did

Game 16: Leafs 2 - Wild - 5

2009-11-11T05:15:00.000-08:00

No sir, I don't like it.

Game 15: Leafs 5 - Wings 1

2009-11-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

MONSTER

Game 14: Leafs 3 - Canes 2

2009-11-06T18:49:00.000-08:00

That was the worst game ever, couldn't be happier.

Sell Hard

2009-11-05T06:38:00.001-08:00

That's it, I've had it. I am done. And I am selling my services to the highest bidder.
That's right, things are gonna change no longer will I wallow in such mediocrity. I am willing to put everything I have behind this new initiative and see it through to the bitter end no matter what happens.
Thats right, I am selling my hate. Habs? Psssh. Sens? Meh. Canucks? Who? These pitiful rivalries have gone stagnant and I can no longer take it. I've had enough. So vote in the comments for my new most hated rival. I promise to hate that team with a anti-love so strong it is usually reserved for Hitler and people who talk at the movies. I will throw out my Habs and Sens jokes and deck myself out in the latest insults for your object of hate and scream curses at them until my throat is sore and bleeding.

All proceeds will be donated to the fuck bandwagoners fund.

Game 13: Leafs 1 - Bolts 2 OT

2009-11-04T06:27:00.000-08:00

Kessel deal not bad suddenly, need another dangerous player

Game 12: Leafs 4 - Habs 5 OT

2009-11-01T06:39:00.000-08:00

Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey, Vesa Sucks

Game 11: Leafs 2 - Sabers 3 OT

2009-10-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

Liken that hustle. Need more bounces, less Miller

Game 10: Leafs 3 - Stars 4 OT

2009-10-29T05:45:00.001-07:00

That could have gone better, but it coulda been worse

Game 9: Leafs 6 - Ducks 3

2009-10-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

Oh thank Christ

Game 8: Leafs 1 - Canucks 3

2009-10-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

This is growing old fast

Open Letter - You Can't Tell Me What To Do Edition

2009-10-22T16:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Pepsi

Where the hell do you get off thinking Canada needs a national cheer? Even worse, what the hell makes you think YOU are the ones to bring this out? Is "Go Canada Go!" not good enough for you? Fuck your couch Pepsi, your beverage may be refreshing and delicious, but your marketing is flat and has a bitter aftertaste.
I can tell you one thing, no matter the winner, it will not be cheered by me and my fellow country peoples at the game because no real sports fan gives a shit about some corporately manufactured phrase that has no historical or even logical creation.

Please as to stay out of our National business jerks. I am compelled to switch to Coke, even though it is vile and tastes like food colouring.

Jaredoflondon

Open Letter - This Is For The Haters Edition

2009-10-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Cowards.

You know who you are, you wagon jumping negative vibe spreading hate mongers. Please as to leave Leafs nation and never return. We don't want you here, we don't want to hear your idiotic reasoning and self fluffing and "how much better life will be" when you are no longer a member of Leafs nation. I don't care if you leave, you wont be missed, but please do everyone a favor and do it quietly. Go into hiding and don't mention hockey at all this season, then next year, you can re-emerge from your douche cocoon as an asshole butterfly fan of the team of your choice.
Get stuffed.Not Pictured: How stupid your face is

Hugs and kisses: JaredofLondon

Game 6: Leafs 1 - Rangers 4

2009-10-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not even mad, I'm just disappointed

Bringin' It Back To The Old School

2009-10-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

October 17th, 2009, 7:15AM
The Toronto Maple Leafs are gathered in the dressing room before their game day practice, awaiting Ron Wilson , who is 15 minutes late.

Stajan: I feel a disturbance in the force.

Mitchell: You are such a fuckin' nerd.

Schenn: Ha! Good one Johnny!

Mitchell: Fuck Yea it was.

suddenly a deep bass is heard, starting out far away, but coming ever closer.

Komisarek: Is that DMX?

Beauchemin: who the hell listens to that stuff anymore?

Stajan's face suddenly goes pale, as he remembers.

Stajan: Mother of god....Not again

just then the dressing room door flies open and in pimp-steps Ron Wilson, who is, as the kids say, G'd up from the feet up. An old school boom box blasting 'Party up in here' balancing on his shoulders.

Wilson: Ronniiiiiee Dubb in the hizzoooooouse.

Poni: Oh no CoachRonWilson is tha snoopydogg man again!

Wilson: Das right bitches, puttin this shit on re-wind. Ya'll gonna get a face full of gangsta up in this peice todizzay.

Mayers: I still find this offensive,

Blake: Quiet you cracka ass cracka!

Wilson pimp slaps Blake with authority.

Wilson: You keep talken trash and I'm gonna continue to colourize your albino ass face, ya dig?

Blake:(looking at the ground, dejected) Yes sir.

Beauchemin: What the hell is going on? What is wrong with you coach? I think you've been listening to too much East side boyz.

Wilson: Funny you should mention dizzat, honky. Cause we'z about to have a real n***a roll call up in this peice!

Mayers: I am now VERY offended.

Poni: Why must you hate on Nigeria JamalMayers?

Stajan: This is why no one likes you Poni.

Wilson: QUIET BITCH-ES! Its time for dat roll call, aight? I'm gonna stizzart callen out some Real OG' Leafs who know how to wizzin, they's gonna get all up in your grill and show you da trizzue mizzeaning of trizzuculence.

White: OH GOD NOT AGAIN!

Stajan: Someone hold me!

Wilson opens the door.

Wilson: Yo! Get your gangsta ass's in here y'all!

Wilson changes songs on the boom box to "Where the hood at?"

into the dressing room walk Tie Domi, Doug Gilmour and Luke Schenn walk in the door and stand behind Wilson, putting on the indimidation.

Stajan: Luke? how the hell did.....

Wilson: Shut Up fool! Deez here tough ass mofo's bout to rock your body right!

Hagman: Was that a Backstreet Boys reference?

Mitchell: Fuckin' I dunno, but fuckin' it sounded kinda queer.

Wilson: Oh dats it, you crack'a ass crackas!

Poni: is you talking to me CoachRonWilson?

Wilson: YO, MC CRUNCH, ROCK THIS PARTY!

suddenly the entire rink shakes with the force of an earthquake. Mike VanRyan bursts into flames.

Entire Team: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!

Wilson: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH BOOOOOIIIIII!!

Holding Out For A Hero

2009-10-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

Doo doo doo doooo
Doo doo doo doooo
Doo doo doo doooo
Aaahhh
Aaahhh

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I'm holding out for at hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life

Doo doo doo doooo
Doo doo doo doooo
Doo doo doo doooo
Aaahhh
Aaahhh

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me

Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life

I need a hero
I'm holding out for at hero 'till the the end of the night

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear there is someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like a fire in my blood

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night

Bonus, your ten words or less

Hope springs eternal, patience doesn't

Game 5: Leafs 2 - Rangers 7

2009-10-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

Facepalm

Breath Deep And Carry A Big Flask

2009-10-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

New plan, starting over. The season starts a-new on Tuesday.
While the current Leafs may be Not Giving a hoot, the one that starts the new season on Tuesday are going to be awesome. Look for bounce back seasons from Francois Beauchemin and Mike Komiserik. Luke Schenn, having struggled with a softmore slump should look to regain the form from his rookie season.
While he will miss the first month of the season, Phil Kessel hopes to inject some offense into a less than stellar offensive line up.
While he missed a quarter of last year with groin issues, Jonas Gustavsson is reportedly almost ready to rejoin this squad and Vesa Toskala will get a couple games to prove he can hold down number one with the rookie looking to steal his job.
Ron Wilson has much to prove as he lead the Leafs to a league worst goals against record (for the second year in a row) and an abismal PK percentage. Both will need to be improved if the Leafs plan to end that 6 year playoff drought.

Man, I've never been so excited for a season to start!

Game 4: Leafs 2 - Pens 5

2009-10-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

Screw You guys, I'm going home....for Thanksgiving.

Game 3: Leafs 1- Sens 2

2009-10-07T05:34:00.000-07:00

Fuck you Kerry Fraser, now and forever

Game 2 : Leafs 4 - Caps 6

2009-10-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

Audio only, glad I didnt watch that. WTF defense?

Game 1 - Leafs 3 - Habs 4 OT

2009-10-02T06:32:00.001-07:00

New feature here at Die Hard, while most game reviews are in depth and detailed oriented, I give you something a little different.

"Game In 10 Words Or Less".
Yes there will be 82 of these, here we go

Calling bullshit on the refs, But you gotta kill those.

Into The Pages Of History

2009-09-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

As most of you probably know, that wonderful man pictured above announced his retirement today. The Mats Sundin era has ended in the NHL.
There really is not much to say about Mats that hasn't been said a million times before, he came on a bad note, and left on a worse one, but no one can deny the years in the middle were magical.
No, he didn't bring a cup, no he wasnt a top the NHL scoring race every year, and no, he wasn't Doug Gilmour or Wendel Clark.
All of that is irrelevant.
Mats Sundin is arguably the greatest Toronto Maple Leaf of all time. End. Point.
Mats Sundin was the hardest Leaf ever for me to accept into my heart. He came to my team at the expense of Wendel Clark, no easy barrier to over come, his style contradicted everything I expected out of a Toronto Maple Leaf, and later, everything I expected out of a Captain.
It pains me to admit that I once too was one of those haters, I drank my Mats Sundin haterade with regularity, and then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, I stopped.
Be it age, or wisdom or dark magic, I finally saw Mats for what he was. An exceptional hockey talent, a quiet, strong and stoic leader.
Captaun Clutch soon was my favourite Leaf, I embraced him, defended him, and cheered him.
Mats was my Captain, Leafs Nation's Captain. It broke my heart to see him called out time and time again for not delivering Stanley's chalice to Toronto, it never seemed fair that Dougie and Wendel didn't (to my memory at least) take similar abuse.
My Captain preformed exceptionally right up until the time that he, for reasons I don't understand and now respect, broke my heart.
The reason it hurt so much was because I knew he would never don the Blue and White again, and he would retire under a different banner.
I realize now that that doesn't matter Mats will always be a Toronto Maple Leaf.
Dougie and Wendel were the Captains of my youth, but I grew up watching Mats, he was my Captain through the hardest years of my life and he never let me down.
I will forever miss Mats, and that big goofy Swedish grin will forever be burned into my brain.
I take no heed to the haters, you out there that would bad mouth my bald headed hero, oh not you Sens and Habs fans, you don't matter. I'm talking about you so called Leaf fans who hate him for "screwing us" get over yourselves. If you don't love Mats, well that is your loss just don't open up your mouth and shit all over a player who deserves nothing but your thanks and praise.

I hold no reserves in saying I will fight you.

Gook luck Mats, we miss you. I cannot wait to see the day you get honored at the ACC and have your number raised to the rafters along side all the other players of your ilk.

Hope Floats

2009-09-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

But that's easy when the water is frozen.

A weird thing happened this pre-season. I was struck giddy for the up coming NHL season.
I have an overwhelming urge to run around screaming PLAYOFFS!!!1 at the top of my lungs and buy a new jersey for every new import Brian Burke has wrapped up in the Blue and White shroud.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally over the edge here. My crayons remain contained within my trapper-keeper and my secret parade route plans are still under lock and key, but.

But what you ask?

Isn't it obvious? I would ask back, had you asked me directly. Since you can't answer that directly (damn technology) the answer is yes. Yes it is super obvious, what are you blind? Have you been watching this team? Have you been keeping track of the concentrated awesome?

Of course you haven't or you wouldn't have asked such a silly question, you silly goose you.

Why? You're asking me why now? You are certainly full of interest this morn are you not?

Now I could go on at length about the defensive arrangement now hunkered down on the Buds blue line, I could gush about the steroid infused truculence flowing through the veins of Leafy town, I could even hypothesize the hype of the monstrous mesh minder making miraculous miracles .

Yet Nay my good peoples, nay. There are two main reasons I am full of glee for this upcoming season. And they Are Viktor Stalberg and Tyler Bozak.

Stalberg has stormed out of the gate and showed that JFJ wasn't totally incompetent (except if you take into account every single trade he ever made). Viktor posses' other worldly speed, excellent hands, a bullet shot, a solid defensive game and a forcheck that doesn't quite. He has also made the opening night roster and there have been rumblings of a possible Caldar candidacy in his future.

Tyler Bozak or TyBo as his friends call him, a former undrafted collegate player who said "Fuck you NHL" and willed himself to grow 5 inches and bulk up to 200lbs after all 30 teams passed on him during draft eligibility. Bozak lit up the post secondary ice sheets and even managed eight goals and 15 assists in 23 games lat season until he took a nasty knee on knee hit and was out for the rest of the season. He has a great hockey sense, and solid two way play.

Yay!

Three Stooges Syndrome

2009-09-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed a distinct lack of posting round these parts as of late, especially at a time like this, with much going on in the hockey world, one would expect a blogger to have much to discuss and / or rant upon on a daily basis.
My issue hasn't so much been a lack of material, but rather, a lack of any feasible way to channel it into a coherent blog post.
See, the problem has been that I am way too excited about this up coming season. I have literally had dreams of the Leafs playing these past few weeks, ever since we all got our first preseason look at the new improved Burkian Buds.
So I thought what the hell, why don't I let the viewing public gather an inside view of just what I'm dealing with here.

And so I give you a condensed transcript of my thoughts about the Leafs from the first preseason game up until today.

HOLY SHIT, these kids can play, I am so excited that fucker Stalberg is so fast but that Bozak kid has got some sick moves oh my got LOOK HOW FAST fucking excited dear god Kadri is going to be good FIGHT fuck yah! Look at that, you fuckin knew truculence was coming you fucks holy shit FAST skill WHAT A GOAL when the hell will we get a decent look at the monster, holy shit heart surgury? FUCK, wait well thats not so bad god I cant wait to see him suit up FUCK YEAH Stalberg playing 3 games in 3 nights shit that guy is fast, fuckin Rosehill likes to chuck nucks! I hate the goddamned Flyers carcillo you chicken shit, Orr is my new hero, EXCITED Hell yeah Luke Schenn is still amazing FUCKING KADRI, holy mother of god TRUCULENCE Lee Stempniak who the fuck is that? FUCK YEAH MAPLE LEAFS wowowoowowow YARD SALE Hagman was an amazing pick up. FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME? PHIL KESSEL HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!1

and that about sums it up.

Thank you, I'll be here all week

Weighing In On Truculence

2009-09-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

Much has been said this summer of Truculence. Leaf fans are excited at, for the first time in what seems like ages, baring witness to a team that will throw its weight around. Not since the Quinn era have we been exposed to a crash and bang Leafs squad that will punish the teams they face instead of trying to dance around 'em.
Many opposing fans have been calling thuggery and goonism on this new gaggle of Toronto Maple Leaf hockey players, phrases like "Gorillas on skates" and "team of lumbering dinosaurs" have been audible from the peanut gallery.
But is this the case? Has Brian to the Burke just pieced together a team of soccer hooligans?
Lets break it down, player by player.

Colton Orr - Yes, no denying it. Colton Orr is a goon. He gets paid to punch people in the face, and he does it well. What Colton Orr does posses, however, is an underated hockey ability and while he may not be tearing up the scoresheet or making game breaking plays he wont cripple the team when his gloves are on.
Truculent? Check. Goon? Check.

Mike Komisarek - A big, mean, physical dude of a hockey player. But a goon? Nay I say, nay. Komi is a defensive workhorse who is tough in his own end. He blocks and hits with the best of them and isnt affraid to drop the mitts should the need arise. He has proven that he isnt the most adept heavy weight as was exposed by one Milan Lucic, but he doesnt shy away from the rough stuff or lack the ability to start it when need be.
Truculent? Check. Goon? Nay

Francois Beauchemin - Brought in to replace the departed Pavel "hobobeard" Kubina. Like Kubina, he has a heavy shot, good offensive awarness and while his point totals are lower, Kubina wasnt stuck behind Neidermyer and Pronger on the PP. Unlike Kubina he uses his size well. Can clear the front of the net and will get dirty in the corners. He also posseses great character and leadership capabilities which Burke Covets. While he doesnt toss knuckles on a regular basis, he has been known to have pugelistic skill (just ask Jarome Iginla). A proven playoff performer with a solid skillset, possibly the best signing by Burke to date.
Truculent? Check. Goon? Hellz naw.

Garnett Exelby - A human seeking rocket of a player. Always on patrol for the highlight real bone cruncher, any player, any time, any zone he will take your head off. He also drops the gloves with semi-regularity and isnt all that bad at it. He doesnt fit the enforcer roll, but is often called to fight after one of his patented railroadings, but he isnt affraid to defend his team mates or get the crowd going. While not a traditional goon, he is close enough to fit the mold comfortably enough.
Truculent? Check? Goon? Close enough.

Jonas Gustavsson - Swedish elite league phenom, best goaltender outside the NHL last year, covoted by every team in the NHL without Luongo or Brodeur in their stables. Not one to throw the body or drop the gloves, but his name isnt Hextall or Emery so its not expected.
Truculent? Doesn't look like it. Goon? er....no.

Tyler Bozak - Hard nosed, speedy, excellent hockey sense. I will admit to not knowing to much about him. In all the highlights I've found on yonder interwebs, or in the Leafs Rookie tournament, while not overly physical he will go into traffic to make a play. I can't find one instance of a fight or big hit, but he certianly isnt affraid of body contact.
Truculent? Not overly. Goon? far from it.

Christian Hanson - Big fella, theres no doubt, but unlike his foil wearing father isnt much of a dancer. Much like Bozak, but with a lower skill set, he drives the net hard and uses his frame to make room for himself and line mates. He'll throw hits, but you'll rarly see them on sports center.
Truculent? It is in his blood, so it might be burried. Goon? Noper

Wayne Premieu - Career grinder nearing the end of his NHL days. A 4th line plugger who will toil in the corners and take his lumps.
Truculent? He tries to be. Goon? uh uh.

While none of these aquisitions are kitten soft (except maybe the Monster, but really does he have to be mike tyson?) Most posess a good amount of gritt and/ or sand paper. Orr and Exelby where brought in stricktly to terrorize opponents, but both will see limited ice time and be used in set peice situations.
The biggest movement by Burke seems to be the skill /truculent combo. Players that are effective not only at putting people on their ass but by either scoring or stopping pucks from going into the net.

Not that other fans are going to stop.

Truculence be with you

Golden Boys

2009-08-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

As far back as I can remember, the Leafs have been accused of being minimal in the talent department. And really, I cant fault anyone for saying that, a few players excepted, Toronto has had very little top flight All-Star skill.

But things are changing. How you ask? Well just look at the Olympic camp rosters from around the world and you will notice something kinda shocking yet totally awesome, a plethora of Leafy goodness.

Lets investigate shall we?

Canada
Francois Beauchemin

USA
Mike Komisarek

Russia
Nicholai Kuelemin

Sweden
Jonas Frogren
Rickard Wallin
Jonas Gustavsson
Carl Gunnarsson

Finland
Vesa Toskala
Niklas Hagman

Czech
Thomas Kaberle

Belarus
Mikhail Grabovski
Mikhail Stefanovich

10 Players and 2 prospects, not too shabby, also lets not forget outside shots like Jason Blake and Lee Stempniak for team USA.

Say what you will about the Leafs chance at victory, but sufficient to say, more than a few will be adding a medal to their trophy case this season.

Leaf-Alikes: Blonde Bomber Edition

2009-08-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

Hey remember these? These cheap little quasi-creative photographic side by sides that make it look like I'm coming up with new content when I'm just being lazy and happened to notice a vauge similarity?

Well here's another, featuring ex-hated rival and now terribly handsome blonde Leaf puck sponge Mike Komiserek.

Who does he look like? What? you mean you dont know? That's just super star actor Greg Pitts, AKA the "O Face" dude from Office Space.

I know right?

Love Actually

2009-08-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

This is the first time in a while I can look up and down the Leafs line up and say I like every single player on the roster. I down right love most of these guys, to varying degrees for random and sometimes ridiculous reasons. I thought I might share it with the world in my own little way.

Why I love each Leaf, in 4 words or Less.

Francois Beauchemin - Hits, fights, leads well
Jason Blake - Spinoramas and hamster jokes
Garnet Exelby - Open ice hits rule
Jeff Finger - So Many puns
Jonas Frogren - pop goes the Ruutu
Jonas Gustavsson - MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTERRRRRR!
Christian Hanson - His dad was cool
Thomas Kaberle - Cross crease pass, unbeleabable
Mike Komiserik - Already hated across Montreal
Nikolai Kuelemin - break out season, watch
Joey Macdonald - Better than Clemenson
Jamal Mayers - fists smell like Oxo
John Mitchell - MOTHER F**K!
Colton Orr - Todd Fedoruk's Face
Alexi Ponikarovski - Antropov Who?
Wayne Premeau - He's not Hoglund
Micheal Grabovski - Minsk Mullet, sliced fruit
Vesa Toskala - so fabulous
Mike VanRyan- Awesome when whole
Rickard Wallin - in red or white
Ian White - Moustachulence
Luke Schenn - impossible to not love
Nazem Kadri - Better than Tavares
Lee Stempniak - Ninjas are awesome
Matt Stajan - rides unicorns
Jiri Tlusty - Not Safe For Work
Tyler Bozak - Great Hockey Name

Bigfoot Is Blurry!

2009-08-08T19:57:00.000-07:00

When people discus the mysticism of the Toronto Maple Leafs, it usually involves some aspect of how storied the franchise is, how magical Grabovski's mane of hair is, one of Luke Schenn's various miracles like turning water into beer and his enemies blood into dust or even how the vengeful god Wendel may strike down someone with fist shaped lightening bolts.

Today, it has a different meaning. As recently as last season, around the same time as the mysterious disappearance of Alexander Steen and Carlo Colicacovo, many have claimbed to have seen something on the ACC ice. Something not found in any Leafs roster or dressing room. One photographer managed to snap this picture.

While many believe it to have been faked, or simply Ryan Hollweg in the shower, it has been since dubbed the Stempnisquach.

The Stemnisquach. or Yet-Lee as it is also known, has developed a cult following of sorts. Scientists have scoured the Air Canada Center looking for proof of the creature. Mysterious clues have been found, but all have been debunked.

The first was strange skate marks in the ice surface, but then they realized it was a hockey rink and that was normal. Also the Zamboni resurfaced the ice before any plaster castings could be taken. Then it was believed some of the creatures droppings were found in a luxury box, but it turned out it was just some pudding filled with Oh Henry Bars stashed by Kyle Wellwood that had gotten old hardened up.

While evidence of the Stemnisquach remains elusive, many true believers hold steady that one day, the creature will be spoted and genuine footage of it scoring at the pace told of in legends St Louis.