As some of you might recall, I was recently present at a Toronto Maple Leafs themed shindig in the breezy city of Chicago. This is my story, names have been changed to protect the innocent and conceal the guilty.
7:55 - Arrive at seats just in time for anthems, I look at my empty right hand and wonder why I only bought one beer.
7:57 - take drink out of fresh beer now in right hand.
8:00 - Anthems start, this joint is rockin'. Hawks fans know how to throw a party,
8:05 - Puck drop, I place two empty beer cups under my seat.
8:09 - Schenn sets up Kane for a goal, I place two mire empty beer cups under my seat.
8:15 - In the bathroom see a guy with a Lumme Jersey, I ask him why. he doesn't know
8:22 - Dunkin Keith blasts a slapper past the stupid vesa is stupid. At least Chelsea daggar is still kinda fun.
8:25 - THAT WAS FUCKING IN YOU FUCKS! YOUR FACE IS INCONCLUSIVE.
8:30 - I get the "You again 'eh'?" from the beer lady
8:36 - First intermission, I have a lengthy discussion with the Hawks fans around me, we reach an agreement that they will hate the Sens as long as we hate the wings.
8:40 - Random Hawks fan in a Roenick jersey DEMANDS I high five him, I oblige him, as hard as I fucking can.
8:41 - Roenick jersey's friend Toews jersey declines a high five.
8:50 - Second period starts, I get bumped by my friend, beer is lost in the red fleech pull over of the lady in front of me. She doesn't notice.
8:55 - More beer is lost, to the floor this time, for the first time I miss the ACC, well the sippy cup lids anyways.
8:57 - Troy Brouwer tip in, I fucking hate Chelsea Daggar.
9:00 - Beer lady doesn't like my hilarious "serving wench" joke.
9:03 - Beer lady 2.0 makes "hilarious" Canadian joke.
9:10 (est)- I officially lose the ability to track time.
- Luke Schenn fights, sensing I want to hit something, the nearby Hawks fans agree Schenn won handedly.
- Hawks fan behind me cracks wise wondering "what are you guys paying Kessel for?"
- Kessel embarrasses Huet from the blue line /insert smug smily
- Second intermission - instinct leads me to beer lady. Her scowl directs me to beer lady 2.0.
- Leaf fan in a Baumgartner jersey, asks me if I realize how awesome Kessel is, I tell him he doesn't even know. He wanders off, thuroughly confused.
- I play a game of which Ice girl is hot and which one just needs a sammich with the Hawks fans around me, the waivy haired brunette wins.
- waivy haird brunette bends over, we all win.
- They do that shoot from the redline and win some swag thing. A blond with cloths 4 sizes too small and 10" heels nearly takes a header when she shoots. I laugh way too hard.
- I remember to go directly to beer lady 2.0, the pile of empty beer cups is getting rather large, I make an alcoholic pyramid.
- 90 year old Hawks fan looks at my work of art and scowls, then says "you Leaf fans like to drink" like its a bad thing.
- Third period. Things are getting swirrly.
- They play varucal salt, and I dance dance dance.
- Kessel scores on a dirty dirty shot, I yell "who is your hockey god now?" loud enough to confuse people in the lower bowl"
- Red fleece lady notices how she has been marinating in my extra draft beer, and informs me of it. I appologise, and suggest she complain at the lack of sippy cup lids because "those things would prevent tradgedies like this from ever happening".
- Details get VERY sketchy at this point. I go to visite beer lady one more time,she is still all scowls and sunshine. Imake sure I don't blink as she pours my beer because I have convinced myself she will spit in it.
- I turn to a random fan in a Clark jersey. Point at my beer and ask "does this look like spit to you?"
- The game ends, I am surprised I am still verticle.
- The cab takes us to a bar, and then things get wild.