Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A Night In Review

As some of you might recall, I was recently present at a Toronto Maple Leafs themed shindig in the breezy city of Chicago. This is my story, names have been changed to protect the innocent and conceal the guilty.

7:55 - Arrive at seats just in time for anthems, I look at my empty right hand and wonder why I only bought one beer.

7:57 - take drink out of fresh beer now in right hand.

8:00 - Anthems start, this joint is rockin'. Hawks fans know how to throw a party,

8:05 - Puck drop, I place two empty beer cups under my seat.

8:09 - Schenn sets up Kane for a goal, I place two mire empty beer cups under my seat.

8:15 - In the bathroom see a guy with a Lumme Jersey, I ask him why. he doesn't know

8:22 - Dunkin Keith blasts a slapper past the stupid vesa is stupid. At least Chelsea daggar is still kinda fun.


8:30 - I get the "You again 'eh'?" from the beer lady

8:36 - First intermission, I have a lengthy discussion with the Hawks fans around me, we reach an agreement that they will hate the Sens as long as we hate the wings.

8:40 - Random Hawks fan in a Roenick jersey DEMANDS I high five him, I oblige him, as hard as I fucking can.

8:41 - Roenick jersey's friend Toews jersey declines a high five.

8:50 - Second period starts, I get bumped by my friend, beer is lost in the red fleech pull over of the lady in front of me. She doesn't notice.

8:55 - More beer is lost, to the floor this time, for the first time I miss the ACC, well the sippy cup lids anyways.

8:57 - Troy Brouwer tip in, I fucking hate Chelsea Daggar.

9:00 - Beer lady doesn't like my hilarious "serving wench" joke.

9:03 - Beer lady 2.0 makes "hilarious" Canadian joke.

9:10 (est)- I officially lose the ability to track time.

- Luke Schenn fights, sensing I want to hit something, the nearby Hawks fans agree Schenn won handedly.

- Hawks fan behind me cracks wise wondering "what are you guys paying Kessel for?"

- Kessel embarrasses Huet from the blue line /insert smug smily

- Second intermission - instinct leads me to beer lady. Her scowl directs me to beer lady 2.0.

- Leaf fan in a Baumgartner jersey, asks me if I realize how awesome Kessel is, I tell him he doesn't even know. He wanders off, thuroughly confused.

- I play a game of which Ice girl is hot and which one just needs a sammich with the Hawks fans around me, the waivy haired brunette wins.

- waivy haird brunette bends over, we all win.

- They do that shoot from the redline and win some swag thing. A blond with cloths 4 sizes too small and 10" heels nearly takes a header when she shoots. I laugh way too hard.

- I remember to go directly to beer lady 2.0, the pile of empty beer cups is getting rather large, I make an alcoholic pyramid.

- 90 year old Hawks fan looks at my work of art and scowls, then says "you Leaf fans like to drink" like its a bad thing.

- Third period. Things are getting swirrly.

- They play varucal salt, and I dance dance dance.

- Kessel scores on a dirty dirty shot, I yell "who is your hockey god now?" loud enough to confuse people in the lower bowl"

- Red fleece lady notices how she has been marinating in my extra draft beer, and informs me of it. I appologise, and suggest she complain at the lack of sippy cup lids because "those things would prevent tradgedies like this from ever happening".

- Details get VERY sketchy at this point. I go to visite beer lady one more time,she is still all scowls and sunshine. Imake sure I don't blink as she pours my beer because I have convinced myself she will spit in it.

- I turn to a random fan in a Clark jersey. Point at my beer and ask "does this look like spit to you?"

- The game ends, I am surprised I am still verticle.

- The cab takes us to a bar, and then things get wild.


Loser Domi said...

The cab takes us to a bar, and then things get wild.

and then? Stop teasing me like this, Jared!

Jaredoflondon said...

"things get wild" is a euphemism for things trail off into an alcoholic haze that is indistinguishable from the dreams I had after I blacked out

kidkawartha said...

You, Jared. You are our hockey god. Please don't smite us.

Loser Domi said...

agreed, Jared, it seems like it would be epically awesome to go to a game with you

stucky said...

I'm not sure I could handle going to a game with jared. My liver would probably hate me forever.

But I would try my damndest. Oh yes I would!