Monday, December 29, 2008

May All The Somethings be Forgotten!

No one knows the words to that damned song anyways.
Without fan fare or a huge write up, here are the Leafs New Years Resolutions.

Jeff Finger - To be More noticeable so the the media can rip on him for his giant salary.
Mike Van Ryan - To look both ways before going near the boards.
Pavel Kubina - Keep his skates sharp and use wooden sticks that don't break all the time.
Thomas Kaberle - Ignore the fact that he has an NTC.(sorry eyebelief)
Ian White - Let the mustache do the talking.
Jamie Sifers - Realize how lucky he is and try not to become the new Herpes.
Luke Schenn - Try and be less perfect, the rest of the Leafs are jelous. And Erase Jason Spezza from existence.
Matt Stajan - To Keep his eye off the ball.
Andre Devaux - work out that right arm so he can finally chuck that over head bomb he so desperately needs.
Jamal Mayers - To punch opponents as hard as he punched the boards.
Lee Stempniak - To do something....anything of merit in a Leafs uniform.
Jason Blake - To go to anger management about his hatred of NHL logos.
Nik Kulemin - To not get discouraged and think, next year is the year.
Mikhail Grabovski- To prove to the world that he is a Caldar Candidate.
Alexi Ponikarovski - To quit smoking and loose 10lbs.
Nik Antropov - To get a tan, so he doesn't get a terrible sunburn when he gets traded to Florida for J-Bo (sorry PPP)
Dominic Moore - To stop attacking players twice his size, and go after Jarkko Ruutu.
John Mitchell - To call his mother at least once a week.
Jeremy Williams - To shoot more, but keep that shooting percentage where it is.
Ryan Hollweg - Memory lessons, so he can remember that numbers are on the back and you shouldn't hit them.
Johnas Frogren - To channel the spirit of both Dany Markov and Erik The Red every game.
Anton Stralman - To realize that he is the next Nik Lidstrom, not the next Aki Berg.
Curtis Joseph - To finally finnish reading Old Yeller, and take a hint.
Vesa Toskala - To realize that if he plays well, he can go back to the sun belt and obscurity.
Ron Wilson - To yell less, and hit more.
Brian Burke - To not be anything resembling JFJ
Cliff Fletcher - To eat more prunes.

3 comments:

wrap around curl said...

Vesa might attempt to suck less.

Johnny G said...

Someone should tempt him with topical starburst instead of regular ones.

eyebleaf said...

Re: "sorry eyebelief"

No problem.