Saturday, October 17, 2009

Bringin' It Back To The Old School

October 17th, 2009, 7:15AM
The Toronto Maple Leafs are gathered in the dressing room before their game day practice, awaiting Ron Wilson , who is 15 minutes late.

Stajan: I feel a disturbance in the force.

Mitchell: You are such a fuckin' nerd.

Schenn: Ha! Good one Johnny!

Mitchell: Fuck Yea it was.

suddenly a deep bass is heard, starting out far away, but coming ever closer.

Komisarek: Is that DMX?

Beauchemin: who the hell listens to that stuff anymore?

Stajan's face suddenly goes pale, as he remembers.

Stajan: Mother of god....Not again

just then the dressing room door flies open and in pimp-steps Ron Wilson, who is, as the kids say, G'd up from the feet up. An old school boom box blasting 'Party up in here' balancing on his shoulders.

Wilson: Ronniiiiiee Dubb in the hizzoooooouse.

Poni: Oh no CoachRonWilson is tha snoopydogg man again!

Wilson: Das right bitches, puttin this shit on re-wind. Ya'll gonna get a face full of gangsta up in this peice todizzay.

Mayers: I still find this offensive,

Blake: Quiet you cracka ass cracka!

Wilson pimp slaps Blake with authority.

Wilson: You keep talken trash and I'm gonna continue to colourize your albino ass face, ya dig?

Blake:(looking at the ground, dejected) Yes sir.

Beauchemin: What the hell is going on? What is wrong with you coach? I think you've been listening to too much East side boyz.

Wilson: Funny you should mention dizzat, honky. Cause we'z about to have a real n***a roll call up in this peice!

Mayers: I am now VERY offended.

Poni: Why must you hate on Nigeria JamalMayers?

Stajan: This is why no one likes you Poni.

Wilson: QUIET BITCH-ES! Its time for dat roll call, aight? I'm gonna stizzart callen out some Real OG' Leafs who know how to wizzin, they's gonna get all up in your grill and show you da trizzue mizzeaning of trizzuculence.


Stajan: Someone hold me!

Wilson opens the door.

Wilson: Yo! Get your gangsta ass's in here y'all!

Wilson changes songs on the boom box to "Where the hood at?"

into the dressing room walk Tie Domi, Doug Gilmour and Luke Schenn walk in the door and stand behind Wilson, putting on the indimidation.

Stajan: Luke? how the hell did.....

Wilson: Shut Up fool! Deez here tough ass mofo's bout to rock your body right!

Hagman: Was that a Backstreet Boys reference?

Mitchell: Fuckin' I dunno, but fuckin' it sounded kinda queer.

Wilson: Oh dats it, you crack'a ass crackas!

Poni: is you talking to me CoachRonWilson?


suddenly the entire rink shakes with the force of an earthquake. Mike VanRyan bursts into flames.



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