Saturday, February 25, 2012

Deadline Rumourzzzzz take two!

with the ever changing landscape that is the NHL and its mighty mighty trade rumour world, I had another sit down with my source to discus how things have changed with players like Carter off the market.

Last time you said the Leafs were not pursuing a goaltender, has that changed?
"Definetly, yes!"

Are they going for a vet?
"Reply is hazy"

Ah, so they are looking at multiple options, for the best deal?
"cannot predict now"

You say so much without saying anything, ok so on to Rick Nash, you were wrong about him ending up in LA, and now with them out of the running after snagging Carter, does this bring the Leafs back into the hunt for his services?
"Certainly not"

Is Burke using this Nash business as leverage for attaining another player?
"signs point to yes!"

Is that player Dustin Brown?
"outlook not so good"

Is it a player that no one is talking about?
"definitely not"

You are going to tell me again that it's Dustin Penner arn't you?
"Hazy, ask again...."

Stop fucking with me, just say it, the Leafs are after Dustin Penner!
"I don't think so"

Oh thank god...wait, are you just saying that to make me feel better?
"my reply is no"

Sure, your reply might be no, but that doesn't mean you arn't just pulling my chain on this. So you are saying things have changed on the Dustin Penner front, does this mean Burke has a new target?
"decidedly so!"

Is he still hunting in the Western Conference?"
"Certainly not"

Hmmm, so in the east, north east?
"dont count on it"

South East then....Florida?
"Definitely yes!"

Oh god, I know where this is going, It's Tampa isnt it?
"all signs point to yes!"

is it...Rya...Ry...Ryan Ma, oh god I cant even type it..Ryan Malone? /retch
"as I see it, yes!"

I hate you so fucking much

Monday, February 20, 2012

Trade Deadline Predictions, With a Twist

Yearly, us hockey fans are subjected to an influx of trade rumours from a variety of sources, some legit, some questionable and some down right laughable. I will let you all decide who is who on your own. No time is worse (or best, depending on how you look at it) than the current.
The trade deadline, February 27th. The last chance for NHL GM's to make a splash by adding, or subtracting players and assets.
I have always had a love/love relation with said day, I love the excitement of trading and the power shift it can bring and I love the balls out stupidity of some of the crap that gets flung out there, so this year I have decided to try something out.
I am going to take on the rumour mongers. Yes, you read that right, armed with zero sources and nothing but a free iPhone app, I am going to predict your deadline for you.
Ok now, let's start with everyone's hottest commodity, Rick Nash.

Magic 8-ball, will Rick Nash be traded?
"You may rely on it!"

Will Rick Nash be traded to the Eastern Conference?

Will Rick Nash Be traded to California?
"Of course"

Will Rick Nash Be traded to L.A.?
"Without a doubt!"

eeenteresting, ok, now lets move on to everyone's favourite trade destination, Toronto

Will Brian Burke trade for an impact player before the deadline?

Will it be a forward?
"Decidedly so!"

Is it Jeff Carter?
"Outlook not so good..."

Are the Leafs after Rick Nash?
"Certianly not..."

Is it Dustin Penner? (please god no)
"Definitely yes!" (FUCK)

wait, Dustin Penner is an impact player?
"Without a doubt!"

uh...ok, moving on, is that the only move Burke will make?
"Of course"

For a defenceman?
"You may rely on it!"

From the western conference?
"definitely yes!

is it Ryan Suter?
"better not tell you now...."

don't be a cock tease
"You may rely on it!

Rely on you being a cock tease?
"ask again later"

you coy bastard, How about a goaltender, is Burke after one?

Will Luke Schenn be traded?
"Outlook is good!"

You are one vague son of a bitch, ok, last question are the other rumour mongers just as fake as you?
"Of course...."

and there you have it