Saturday, February 28, 2009

Animal Crossing

You know what this site needs? More ridiculous gimmicks to fall back on when I am lazy or just incompetent with writing up things. As if LoLeafs, Leaf A-likes, Open Letters, Talking to Myself and total nonsense weren't enough, I am pleased to bring you "Animal Crossing". This new feature will bring to you hilarious comparisons to Present and Former Leafs and their likeness to various members of the animal kingdom.
Excited? I know I am!

Expose number one: Tie Domi
For this we here at Die Hard voted the English Bulldog. Obvious reasons include smaller stature, solid musculature, and a tenacious and fearless approach to taking on all comers. Not so obvious reasons include the inexplicable ability to attract numerous attractive female humans while having a giant head, no neck and a drooling problem.

Expose number Two: Jason Allison

Yeah, a sloth, its slow, get it? See what I did there? It is also a well known fact that sloths cant skate backwards either and are huge defensive liabilities.

Exposes number Three: Hall Gill

Manages to be huge, strong and lovable without being the least bit threatening or mean. Like the Great Dane, Gill was known for taking up a lot of area and falling all over himself when ever trying to play with or against smaller nimbler dogs. While invaluable at guarding the food bowl or other small spaces when out numbered by speedy opponents, once exposed in a yard, the Gill was easily avoided. Another likeness is their similar, too short Leaf Span.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Enter Sandman

So its finally here, the day he returns. You know, HIM, that guy, that dude we heard so much about. What he did for us, what he could have done for us, how he left under the not so best circumstances.
Here he comes, back to the ACC again. We all know what that means, a split Leaf fan base. Cheer, boo, sit on your hands and drink the over priced draft with your feet.
Where do I sit? Well I'm still hurt, I had so much hope, so much tied to HIM that I don't know I am ready to forgive yet. I know jokes were made by me at the expense of HIM, both before and after, but that is the nature of the beast, the game, the fandom.
I am not ready to forgive and forget just yet, one day, probably but not now.
This huge piece of former leafdom is on show case tonight. He was a big part of our team, probably the biggest. His presence was felt when ever he was on the ice, or on the bench, or in the locker room. It was hard to look away because there was so much to see, so much going on.

Welcome back to toronto Kyle Wellwood!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Investigative Reports

The case of Jonas Frogren is a strange one.
He is clearly an aggressive, ass kicker at heart. He made Jason Spezza bleed a few years back, and he was millimeters away from popping off Jarko Ruutu's head a few months back. He clearly has no regard for pain, the way he dives in front of 100mph slap shots. But he continues to refuse to fight.
The question has been why?
Many say it is because that's not his roll, but I have un earthed information that sheds a whole new light on the situation.
Jonas Frogren is a UFC fighter.
What you see here is indisputable photographic evidence of my claime. To the Right is obviously one Mr Frogren, to the left, it also apears to be him. But in fact it is one Keith Jardin of the UFC.
Here be the main question. Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? Exactly.
It is in the conculsion of this retorter that they are one in the same, and the reason one Jonas Frogren is so pacified in his fighting ways is that he has another outlet for it, the Ultimate Fighters Championship.

Seacrest out!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You

Brian Burke is serious business.
Brian Burke is cerebral.
Brian Burke will take you out for a nice sea food dinner and never call you back.
Brian Burke takes chances.
Brian Burke wants results.
Brian Burke has no time for free loaders.
Brian Burke likes big butts and he cannot lie
Brian Burke will get the most out of his players, through play or trade.
Brian Burke gives opportunity to those who deserve.
Brian Burke keeps on rocking in the free world.
Brian Burke will trade your ass.
Brian Burke suffers no fools.
Brian Burke will always have a notable quote.
Brian Burke is Spartacus.