Monday, June 30, 2008

Tucker'd Out

A Departing Letter To Darcy Tucker

Dear Darcy:

It is with heavy heart that I, like many Leaf fans, see you leave our beloved team. We will miss watching #16 this upcoming season, and every season after that. Like all the great Maple Leaf players, you have left a lasting impression on us. You have shown us heart, soul and passion on the ice that we will be hard pressed to ever see again. You were, and are a fan favourite for a reason. We Loved you as Side-show Bob, we loved you as Crazy Eyes, we loved you as Power Play weapon number one and we loved you last year, when you weren't all there physically. But most of all, we loved you as a Toronto Maple Leaf.
We wish you nothing but good fortune and luck in all your future endeavours and hope with fingers crossed, that one day, we will again see you in Blue and White. You are forever a Maple Leaf to us.

One Die Hard Fan of Darcy Tucker.

Jared Of London

Friday, June 27, 2008

Stuff You Didn't Need To Know

Due to some instances, such as insomnia, buy-out induced drinking binges and nunchuck bruising
posting will be delayed until Monday when I have fully recovered my faculties ( partially working level they were at before).

Heres what you have to look forward to in the coming future.
My Fare-the-well to Darcy Tucker.
Incoherent Ramblings on Why Don Cherry Is Awesome.
More Bad Shenn puns.
And a secret project that will either flatter or piss off a wack of my fellow bloggers. EXCITING!

End Transmission.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Self Destruction In T-Minus 5...4...3...

Remember all that talk last year about blowing the Leafs up?

Well.... Boom.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

And Now For Something Completly Different

Different as in serious...for once.

Short and sweet though, as being serious hurts me.

Let Mats walk, he's awesome, he's done a lot for the Leafs, but if he hasn't signed already we have to question if is heart is really in Toronto.

The 6 mil it would take to lock him down could be very useful.

My plan you ask? use 2 to sign Roberts for a year as intern-leader-Captian-ass kicker, and throw the other 4 plus some of the cap space at Jeff Carter. Then we have a future Capitan lined up aswell.

And I'm spent.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Rhymes With Orange

Since I was on vacay-shenn this weekend and didn't get back until mid Shenn-day, I was unable to witness the excitement of the draft day select-shenns. It was shenn-sational to find out, when I got back that Trader Cliff had stayed true to the monkier by Schenn-ding the Buds Shenn-venth pick to the Islanders (plus a few later round select-schenns) for the 5th over all pick to nab the Leafs a franchise defender (note: first time the words Franchise Player and Leafs has ever been uttered in a shenn-tance that didn't end in a punch line).
This kid is gonna be some-shenn, I just hope he can handle all the media atten-shenn that playing for Leaf Na-shenn comes with.

If only I could remember his name.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

LoLeafs - Blasphamy Edition

Yet Another Chapter in the thick book of "Reasons Why I'm Going To Hell "

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I am Going To Regret This Tomarrow

General drunken thoughts of a Leafs Fan.

I miss Hall Gill.

I am willing to give Tucker and Blake a Bye Year from last.

Bell earned his bye year. I guarantee, given the chance he will show you all up.

The Tosk is the most awesome goaltender to wear a Maple Leaf Since The Cat in his Red Wing Stompin' Prime.

Wellwood, I mean come on dude, ill sit there and eat all your donuts for you , ill eat your battered fists and Belgian waffles. I'm Irish, I'm paler than you. Don't make me take that cholesterol bullet for you to play the way you can. Because I will.

I miss Wade.

Donald S. Cherry is the man. I know most of you don't like the dude. But I love him. He rules. I respect him, he knows puck and he just flat out rules. The Don for life. Cherry Power.

Rye is delicious.

Can we get Burns back as a consultant at least?

Why isn't Wendel on the payroll punching under performers? I guarantee, the potential of being on the ass end of a Clark slam dinger would get anyone to at least up their goal output by 10.

How has Kerry Fraser not been killed and eaten by Leaf fans for the past 14 years?

The Leafs should play Creed in the dressing room before each game just to show them how NOT to be during the up coming game.

Better Dead than Red.

Fuck the Canadiens. We would have destroyed you in 93.

Loud Noises!

You'd all better be nice to us Leaf fans, because when we win the cup, and we will, because it is inevitable. You will not be able to escape it.

Monday, June 9, 2008

How Do You Spell Radical?

I just found this, it is probably the most awesome thing I own.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Back In Blue

Lies eh? I'll show you lies. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Die Hard Blue and White is proud to present *drum roll please*


Super Post you ask? What is this?
First, we start with a little Leaf-a-like Action

Its Kyle Wellwood VS Toby Maguire!
Sure, Kyle's a little doughier and Toby's a little more Blake'ish in tone. But they still share that pre-pubescent stubble and 'hur hur, I just sawed boobies' grin.

Then we throw down a little LoLeafs for spice, this one's for you LD!

Now we get to the meat. The Open letter section.

An Open Letter To Kyle Wellwood:

Hi Kyle, it's me, jaredoflondon.

Now I know you may not be too fond of me at the moment, for I, like many another blogger have ridden you pretty hard this year. Slagging on you for laziness, to poor judgement to eating too many battered fists.
See Kyle, the thing is, we only taunt you because we love you. We really want you to accell as a Toronto Maple Leaf. Not just for us, not just for the Blue Bud that graces your chest. But for you. We know that a productive Wellwood is a happy Wellwood. If you were able to realize half the potential you have as an NHL set up man you would fill that void in your soul more than a million jellied donuts could ever do.
I realize you've been injured, had several abdominal surgeries, and probably aren't feeling all too savy about your health, And I get that. If you are really not ready for training camp after your most recent trips under the knife, take some more time off. A spot will be waiting for you on the Maple Leaf's bench.
You are a super talented hockey Player Kyle, and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise. But the only way out of this doghouse is work, work and more work. I know the siren song of ding dongs and Belgian waffles is strong, but I know you're stronger. If you need someone to call, I hear Gary Roberts throws down amazing motivational speeches. I'm sure he can even get you set up on a work out plan.
Kyle, again, we only mock you because we love you. You're that underachieving little brother that we all see greatness in. It just makes us sad when you don't realize your potential.

Buck up little soldier, 2009 will be the year of the Wellwood.

Much support.


This is only the beginning.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

The End Is Beginning

Well dear readers, there has been some big news a happening round yonder hockey world.
What? You know? What do you know? The Wings won the Cup? Well duh, yeah, I know. I'm talking about something bigger, something MUCH bigger.

Thats right I'M BACK BITCHES (and bitchets)

Worry not, for this is just a welcome back post. I have just to dust off and polish up some gems I have stored in yonder gold mine and we be back in bidness.