Sunday, December 30, 2007

Know Thy Enemy : Hate Breed

Round Two: The bain of my existence, the Ottawa Senators fan.

The Ottawa Senators fan is a curious thing, they probably encompass the largest range of fandom prototypes out there. They range from the passionate, honnest god fearing hockey loving, old school fans to the professional bandwagon hanger-on-ers to fans who you'd normally see cheering for the Buffalo Sabers (I.E. Jerks).
Most of the Senadroms of optimal fandom age (16 through Senility) are recycles. Former fans of other teams that have abandoned their previous affections for the newer, sportier model. Kind of like a mid-life crisis. A large percentage of these Benedict Arnold's are former Leafers or Habitants who grew frustrated within the late 90's and early 00's with the lack of results. Thus culminating in a bitter, yet fun set of rivalries.
Of course, much of this has translated into the famous 'I hate your team more than I like my own team' mentality that plagues many a Sens fan (though is not exclusive to them *cough*Sabers/Rangers*cough*) and can be seen daily in everyday hockey fan life, be it on the street or on the net.
Now, lumping all Sens fans in with those, lets say suspect hockey fans would be unfair. Many a friend I have is a Sens fan. Many of my favourite hockey blogs are run by and written about the Trojans. Some Sens fans are true fans of the game and while we don't see eye to eye on hockey teams, the debate is nothing short of fun and hilarious....most of the time. Of course that doesn't make them any less a treacherous entity in the hockey world.

The secondary Sens fan archetype is the new comer. The one that didn't start liking hockey, or was too young to have a favourite team before the Senators existed. Those poor misguided youths, I guess its better than the pot...but only marginally so.

Senators fans are a rabid breed, and are not to be taken lightly. In their short existence they have been subjected to a team that started out so bad that even the mighty Alexander Daigle could not save them. And finally when many consecutive low placing finishes had netted them enough young draft talent to become competitive, they gained the choke moniker that has followed them to this day.
They also face mass enemy invasion of their home barn when playing any other team with a significant fan base. This has made them very defensive, and of course the best defense is a good offense. Often the first fan to choke out '40 years absent' is wearing a condom logo on their chest, but then says we have no material when we bring up the 4 straight playoff losses to a certain team.

While, not the most creative as a group, there are several shining stars that make Sens fans not seem so bad. The fact that some of them are just so likable as people, that just makes me hate them all the more.

Part three next month, when we go on a Bear hunt.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Same, Yet Different.

With work running me absolutely ragged in the post Christmas way. I have not had time to watch the Leafs, let alone blog unto them.
And frankly from what I've seen that has been a good thing. The Tosk is out with a wonky groin and Razor has gotten even duller in his time on the pine.

And here come the Rangers with Avery and Jagr and Lunquist.

Well, heres to some success in the new year, and Carlo running Avery through the boards.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas Spirit

With Christmas fast approaching, I find a new rising of optimism towards mine Buds. I don't know where it comes from, maybe its the spirit of the season and all its pretty lights and shiny things, maybe its the eggnog spiked with rum spiked with rye and Christmas cookies spiked with Baileys. But I have a good feeling that all is not lost.
While the Leafs remain a bubble team, the point differential around them is still minimal and ground can be made up quite rapidly (or likewise lost just as fast). This team can do it, they have shown the ability to shutdown, score in bunches and again have a goalie that has win stealing potential (The Tosk gets more and more comfortable in Blue and White every game).

The main thing the Leafs are missing right now is grit, and to a lesser degree heart, or more fittingly gritty-heart, or hearty-grit, whatever your religion says is ok (like pork, only less tasty).
They have grit with players such as Kilger, Bell and Belak crashing and banging and pretty much ruining all who stand in their way. They have heart with Mats, Antro and The Tosk playing their bolloks off nigh on every night and near willing the Leafs into the win column.

What they need is a player who does both. And they have one who fits that description to a Tee. Well he used to any way.

An Open Letter To Darcy Tucker
, I know you have your knee issues going on right now, I know your not scoring in bunches like you did last year, but seriously, step the fark up. Step up, and play like yourself. Never in your career have you looked so lackadaisical on the ice night in and night out. You don't need to score, you don't need to be on the first line, or the first power play. You need to do one thing. You need to electrify the crowd, you need to bring back the play that made you a fan, and personal favourite. Agitate, aggravate and irritate. Bring the crowd to its feet the way you used to before you became our secondary power play weapon. That's not who you are. You are the heart and soul of the Leafs, a scrappy, take no shit, doesn't back down from anyone always in the back of every opponents mind shit disturber. Good ol' crazy eyes who's mouth never stops flapping. We miss you. And if your injuries are making you feel that you cannot do that anymore, take some time off to heal and don't come back until you are ready, don't listen to Leaf medical, listen to your body, it will tell you when you are ready. We won't mind if you take time to heal. We do mind, however, if you come back when you aren't ready and play like a shadow of your former self.

Saying that, this will be my last post before festive festivities, so a Merry Christmas to all my (two) readers and Happy New Year as well. Also all the best to you, your families and a rejuvenated Tucker to you all, and to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Insert Scorpions Joke Here

You know the best part about working every day at 2am?
Going to bed at 9:30. Yeah, thats real awesome when you go to sleep and your team is winning 2-0 with 10 minutes left and you think "I can go to sleep now knowing my team has a win, Yay my team."

Of course I always forget my team is the Incredible Imploding Maple Leafs.

Son of a bitch.

Bedtime now, before I drift off into an angry rant calling my team a bunch of names of the level of intelligence usually reserved for children under 8 who think writing BOOBLESS in your calculator is the pinnical of humour.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Valtrax For The Win

So.... Bryan Mistakes is gone for a might.
Now in of itself that doesn't sound that bad, but when any team looses a 30 minute a game player it's a big deal, especially if they don't have a viable replacement.
I be guessing we'll get to see more of young Mr. Stralman and at least 6-8 weeks + Carlo's magnificent return until the Leafs case of blue line Herpes gets cleared up.

Also, thanks to Loser Domi, I totally punked the title from you.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Soupy Goodness

Another brief post due to jamming my blogolating between Christmas shopping, falling off ladders hanging lights and a Christmas party. And general lack of creative....ness.

Leafs V. Habs tonight. Haven't we seen this dance already?

We have? 4 times already? Really?
Games are split two a piece eh? Well then, carry on.

Let them feel the wrath of the scoring superpowers of Sundin and Antro. Time to ruin Cary Price forever.

For your game day goodness pick your poison, for your tasty goodness check out Pension Plan Puppets, for your bitter grossness check out Four Habs Fans. For they are all more entertaining and have higher readership numbers than I could ever hope to achieve.

Go Leafs Go!


Thursday, December 13, 2007

To Be Brief

Tonight, Leafs V. Thrashers.
Sundin the Awesome V. Kovalchuk the Leaf Shredder.
Me V. the unwashed masses at the mall.

Christmas shopping battle cry - KELPAAAAAAAAAAH!

PS: to those wondering what to get me, I want a Stanley Cup, and a pony.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Bear Trap

I know its effective, I know its smart, I know it wins games.

But G-F-D if watching the Bruins trap, in the first bloody period (joke so intended) is the most mind numbing form of hockey ever. I mean goddamn, to make me turn away from a hockey game that has to be some dull ass shite.

I hate you Claude Julian you peeper looking jack-tard.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Where Credit Is Due

So.... A winning streak eh? I'd forgotten what one was like from this end.

4 games? Wow, that qualifies as not a fluke even.

So where do I place my kudos?
The Tosk, for being super-dee-duper?
Antro, for having a seemingly out of nowhere scoring touch?
Mats, for just being tha bomb?

Yes, they are all deserving, and are a huge part of the continuing streak of kick-assedness.

But I know who is the real story behind this surge is less obvious than any of those.
My kudos go to one Loser Domi of The Wonderful World of Loser Domi, and her fantastic use of reverse psychology. Keep up the good work!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Know Thy Enemy : Pea Soup

At long last, the first chapter of 'Know Thy Enemy'
Our first subjects of interest are those wacky Montreal Canadians fans.

The oldest rival of the Leaf fan is the Habs fan. While this rivalry has wained in the past decade or so, most purists (of appropriate age) still remember this rivalry at its hottest and most bitter. The rivalry is so bitter that even today, every real Leafs or Canadians fan still blindly hates the other team without knowing why, just that they must.

Canadians fans share many a similarity with Leafs fans, more than either camp would care to admit. Both love their team unconditionally, both have long and storied franchises and both have a backup camp so strong that their team could place last for years in a row and support would still be strong enough to sell out their respective barns.

What differs mainly is in the approach to this loyalty. While Leaf fans clad their team in a collective armor of Blue and White with a 'there is always next year' attitude, Habs fans separate the weak from the heard and mercilessly attack anyone who dares tarnish their great franchise (in Leaf land this honour is reserved for special players like Aki Berg or Herpes). The siren song of "Kill Ze Team!" can be heard echoing across la belle province during any loosing skid longer than 2 games.

Habs fans are also unapologetic about their allegiances, and don't shy away from their team loyalty no matter what. They are everywhere as well. From coast to coast, Habs fans permeate the home arenas of rival teams and are fearless when wearing their colours in a rival barn, many a time a solo fan in a Roy jersey can be seen surrounded in a sea of enemy fans in any rink across the continent, even when the Canadians are not playing in said game.

Habs fans are, without a doubt, the most emotionally involved fans in the NHL. A camp so passionate that they often have their red tinted glasses surgically grafted to their skulls. Try convincing a Habs fan about anything negative about their team in the midst of a 3 game Montreal winning streak, it is impossible.

The Habs fan's main talent, however, lies within his/hers ability to conjure up ridiculous trade ideas for their team and convincing themselves that there is a real chance of it coming to fruition. My favourite so far involved a Huet / Ryder combo for Lecavalier.

The Montreal Canadians have, indeed, one of the most loyal fan bases in all of sport. A fan base that we Leaf fans must be wary of, and stay vigilant not to let them over whelm us. They have a passion that rivals our own, which would be admirable, were their taste in hockey teams not so poor. This has become a most important task, as in recent times the Habs have become replaced as our number one enemy number one.

More on that next time, as we discus the disgust that is the Ottawa Senators fan, on the next 'Know Thy Enemy'

Saturday, December 1, 2007

A Chill In The Air

Tensions are high in Leaf nation.
The Jekyll and Hyde (mostly Hyde) play of the Leafs, plus many a tension in the management roost has most Leaf fans pretty grumpy.
I have come to a personal conclusion. I. Don't. Care.
I don't care about JFJ, I don't care about Tenenbaum, I don't care about Peddie and I don't care about Maurice, and frankly I am getting sick of the debate surrounding them.
Not that I don't think a team requires a competent managing crew to be successful, I just think the team can do much better in spite of all of that.
I care only for the team.
When I say I care about my team, I mean just that. The team. The players. The ones who put their bodies on the line every game. The ones in the media spotlight on national TV with every mistake, miss-step and bad decision they make. They are the ones I care about.
This team has shown an ability to beat anyone this year. An ability to shut down the NHL's top players, to score on its best goalies and to out work teams much more naturally talented then them.
Consistency has been their main issue.
Sure, one could argue that Blake isn't on the path to score 40 goals (or even 10) this season, but he has 16 helpers and skates his ass off every game. You could take the easy road and talk about defense or goal tending or whatever, but on several occasions the Leafs have shown the ability to do both quite well (well..except for Herpes).

Frankly, I am just sick of my team being undermined by the media, its fans and its management who are playing grab ass trying to blame the other for the 'success' so far this year.

When it comes down to it, the game is won or lost on the ice. This team can win, this team will win, and I have an undying faith in that (and a case of beer riding on it). I have no delusions of them winning the cup, or doing mass post season damage. But the season isn't even half over yet. There are a lot of games left.

Have faith, settle down, and Go Leafs Go.

Friday, November 30, 2007

The Best Medicine

Lets all laugh at the Ottawa Senators. Well, unless of course you are a Sens fan (in that case I pity you).

Why, you ask, should I, a Leafs fan, be laughing at one of the premier NHL teams playing today?

A five game loosing skid is why. A skid longer than any suffered by my Buds have suffered this year (so far). "But what about that fantastic 12 game winning streak start the Sens had?" you ask. What about it? Sure its given you a nice cushion so this little streak is not as great a worry to you as it probably should be, but guess what? Your still on a 5 game loosing streak and I will take any opportunity I can to point and laugh at the Sens. I mean sure, The Leafs are having a, lets say, mediocre season. But then no one sane picked the Leafs to be anything more than slightly better the mediocre this year. The Sens on the other hand, have again been heralded as the best thing since sliced bread, so it means a little more than when the bread slicing machine Ottawa Senators turn into a device dull enough to have trouble with bread pudding. Delicious bread pudding.

Plus I just hate the Senators.

So haha.


I'm not bitter.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


You know what?


Thats what.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Prayer For The Refugee

The Leafs are one very bad win away from some major changes, changes that in the long run would probably be good for the team, the fans and the organization (It couldn't really hurt at this point).

But please, any god who may be out there don't let it be against the Montreal Canadians, we have suffered enough.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Think Happy Thoughts

To distract myself from the current state of the Leafs, I have indulged in a little fantasy.
What five players would I most want to see in the Blue and White? Who would be the best fit? Who would help the team out the most?

5 - Nicklas Lidstrom: Arguably the best defenseman ever, both an offensive threat and defensive horse. He'd be the perfect partner for Bryan Mistakes, and an even better fit with Kabby, hell you could put this guy with Herpes and he'd still get the job done.

4- Jarome Iginla: One of the next leaders in the Wendel Clark vein, only more talented. Tough as a two dollar steak and can put up the points as good as almost anyone. A true leader, a true player, totally under valued outside of the west.

3- Deon Phaneuf: A force of nature on the blue line, hits anything and everything, hard. A cannon of a shot and excellent defensively. The franchise defenseman every team wishes they had.

2- Rick Nash: The best sniper in the league, hands down. Put him on a line with Sundin or Wellwood (or even better both) and its 50+ goals a season, easy. Fast enough to keep up with Blake, creative and wary enough to deal with Bryan Mistakes passes. Would be the Hart and Richard trophy winner every year on the Leafs (or any team with a half decent play maker to pair him with).

1- Vincent Lecavalier: Arguably the best, most complete player in the NHL. He does everything and he does it all well, better than anyone else actually (he's probably a better goalie than Raycroft). Will be in the top 10 in scoring for the next 10 years. At least.

Will any of these players ever done a Leaf jersey? Not likely, but it is nice to dream isn't it?

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Roller Coaster...Of Leafs

You give me that nauseous feeling in my tummy.

Ahhh shit, No!, that's wrong, damn
Rollercoaster of Leafs
Say what?
Rollercoaster, yeah (ooh ooh, ooh ooh)
Oh, JFJ, you know what I'm talkin' about
Rollercoaster of Leafs (Leaf rollercoaster, Jr)
Oh, yeah, it's Rollercoaster time
watchen' you is really wild
Oh, it′s just a Leaf rollercoaster
Step right up and get your tickets!

You Leafs are like a Rollercoaster Mats, Pony, I want a win, yeah (awawawawawaw)
You Leafs are like a Rollercoaster Antro, Razor, I want a win, yeah

Move it over Stralman 'cause Woz is an ass kisser!
Out Of Possition like Clinton's zip-zip-zipper
1,2,1,2,3, I′ve got a ticket so win for me
Carlo go down on the injury-go-round
All is lost on The ACC grounds
Gill go slow, Blake go fast
Wellwood's hands gonna deek your ass.

Rollercoaster of Leafs
Say what?
yeah (ooh ooh, ooh ooh)
Rollercoaster of Leafs
Can we get off our Leaf rollercoaster?

You Leafs are like a Rollercoaster Tucker, Kabby, I want a win, yeah
You Leafs are like a Rollercoaster Steen, Stajin, I want a win


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Batboy Lives!

Batboy has surfaced! He is making his NHL debut for the Boston Bruins tonight against the Leafs!

Monday, November 19, 2007


There was a discussion at my work last night trying to classify Leaf fans. Words like gullible, optimistic, and loyal were tossed around. My answer, and clear winner was resilient.

Look what we have endured, 40 + years without a cup, 2 years with out playoffs, 29 other groups of fans spouting hate towards us and our team.

But here we are, as strong as ever, as proud as ever, as loyal as ever.

If there ever is a nuclear war, the only thing that will survive will be cockroaches and Leaf fans, you cannot destroy us, you cannot weaken us.

We are what true fans are supposed to be, Die Hard.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Well Now.....

Where do I begin.?
Do I discus my disgust with Andy Woz'herpes?
Do I touch on Raycroft's Paris Hiltonesque five hole?
Do I punch an Ottawa Senators fan (because that is all they are really good for anyway)?

Well no.

Here at Die Hard we like to be positive, we like to find that diamond in the rough and polish it till she sparkles like the twinkle in Jessica Alba's eye.

So what good can be found after a third straight loss, and an up coming game tonight against the bain of my existence?

Kyle Wellwood, thats what. This kid is the real deal. He is on fire. You cannot hope to stop The Wellwood, only to contain him.
Also Jiri Tlusty. The kid didn't miss a beat after all the media BS thrown at him, I don't care if he is gay, he could get a rainbow tattooed across his forehead for all I care as long as he plays like he did last night.
Alexander Steen has become a nigh unstoppable force along the boards and is playing with an edge that he seems to have syphoned out of Tucker.
The Tosk, he should be back tonight....God let him be back tonight.
Bryan Mistake was also good....Did I actually say that? Damn, I need to get some sleep....

Thursday, November 15, 2007

My Two Cents

Jiri Tlustly's photographs.

Whatever, can we move on now? Please? Focus on something important like our teams defensive nakedness? You know, the one that actually has something to do with hockey?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Carlo, Where Art Thou?

Save us from Bryan Mistakes, Andy Wozbadpositioning, and Ian Mc Pinches Too Much.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Welcome Home

Home again, home again, mother of god we are home again.

But it's against the Hapless Habs, so it's a good thing. The Leafs have owned the Habs 10-4 since the end of the lock out and 2-0 since the beginning of our present season.

Also tonight, the Habs have thrown 'El Savliour des Canadiens' Cary Price against the Buds because Huet has been less than effective. The Leafs interject Stefan Kronwall into the line up as well to replace Pavel Kubina, who tore his MCL at a practice.

Master Bates Battaglia was also seen practicing on the fourth line with Tucker and Bell.
I can't wait to see what Bell can do when he finally gets back into the NHL swing.

Go Leafs Go.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Back From Firewall Purgatory

Finally, my firewall issues have been resolved. For some reason they didn't like this site and wouldn't allow me to update, and or post.
But That has been fixed.

Now down to bid-nez.

I hate the shootout. I always have, and not just because the Leafs suck at it on a rediculous scale.
Hockey is a team sport, so the logic of placing the outcome of the game (and that ever so valueble extra point) on a solo effort by players takes away from the game.
The Leafs roller coaster season continues, blow out, close loss, shutout against the Slugs, stupid shoot out loss. Next game will probably be a blow out for the Leafs (it is against the Habs and that would be ever so delicious).
Good news is, most of the team is Healthy, save the eventual name-sake for chronic injuries Carlo De Coliocovo. Tucker is looking feisty again, Wellwood is looking shifty and creative, McCabe isn't looking gawd freakin' awful and Mark Bell is punnishing bitches left right and center with some nice body checking.
All needed now is some chemistry and a continued and improved defensive co-operation.

The Team is on the verge of a breakout, I can feel it.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Defensive Back

The Leafs played a decent defensive game.

Wait, did I just say that?

Yeah, I know, it must have been a fluke right? Defensemen covering the front of the net, forwards coming back to cover the other teams offensive players in the Leafs' zone, wow, so thats what its like. Throw in a reverse fold in the third period (would that be an un-fold?) and the Leafs looked fantastic for 60 minuites. Well kinda.... there was that "Hey Sidney, do you like our goal crease, you should stay a while" goal....oh yeah, and those two brutal penalties that led to the second goal, but meh. I can live with that.

Jiri Tlustly? Welcome to the big times kid, stay a while, Tucks won't be back for a few weeks.
McCabe? Take all the time you need to heal, we got the blue line covered.
Woz? Do that again, you know that thing where you don't try to do too much and we forget your out there, yeah, thats how we like it.
The Tosk? You da man Chopper. You. Da. Man.

Tonight the Rangers, lets keep rollin' boys.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Thrash Unreal

Another early season 'must win' game for the Buds, another team they should win, another backup in the opposing twine.

Now I missed the last third period debacle against the Blackhawks, so I'm probably not as bitter as those that had to watch the descintigration of the Leafs in the third (why does that sound so framiliar?). But I am no means happy with the results.

Heres to The Tosk, shutting down Hossa and Kovalkuk.
Heres to Sundin and Antro with another multi point performance per.
Heres for the Leafs not driving me to alcoholism.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Know Thy Enemy

It's time to step up my 'blog game' as it were. Many other blogs, many much more popular / more entertaining / better written than mine have shticks. Running article themes or segments.
Now it is time for my own. I'm going to start small, a little 6 parter (well 7 if you count this filler / introduction) discussing the 6 major enemies of the Leaf fan.....6 Other teams fans. An in depth look at them, why they hate us, and why they are so very wrong.

Fan Bases we shall be exploring include the fans from the stables of (in no particular order) the Senators, the Canadians, the Bruins, the Sabers, the Canucks and a double header featuring both Flames and Oilers fans.

Know Thy Enemy, coming soon to a Die Hard blog near you.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Day In The Sun

The term 'Must win game' has come up way too much this year for the Leafs. I mean who has must win games so early in the season?
Tonight, the Buds play the Panthers, a team no one considers either a cup contender or even a playoff threat, but coming off a three game winning streak they have momentum. They also have their backup in net, with Vokun supposedly out with an injury.
Maurice has had two days to run the crap out of the defense and hopefully help them get their shit together.
With Pony returning tonight and Wellwood and Carlo on the horizon, help is coming, but will it be enough?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Three seconds left.

Own goal.


Monday, October 15, 2007

Into Belly Of The Beast

After suffering a defeat a the hands of the star-laden Penguins, the Leafs defense lies in ruin. The problems for Toronto at the back end seem to have flip-flopped from last season. Where in last year the defense was rather solid and the goal tending suspect. This year, The Tosk and even Andrew 'high glove' Rayzorcroft have been pretty impressive, but have been shelled and hung out to dry by a "I thought you had him" attitude not only by he who shall not be named, but even the better TO point men. And then there is the forwards....oh jeez, what the hell happened to the back check guys? Guys?

Tonight, the Bufaslug Slugors. Everyone says these guys lost a step without Brier or Drury in the line up, but I remember how they shredded the Buds in the pre-season. Buffalo is still a very dangerous team with a steady, adequate defense and excellent last line of defense in Miller, the Leafs are in tough tonight.

Tonight will call for a cohesiveness at the back end that we haven't seen from the Buds this season and a continued effort from whatever net minder gets the call, be it the spectacularly unconventional The Tosk (man he is fun to watch when he gets going) or the lazy almost lacksidasical style of Rayzorcroft (like Hal Gill, less you hear about him, the better). The Leafs offense is actually not too shabby this year, and I am not really worried about them putting enough pucks in the opposing net....just that there will be more than that entering their own.

This game will go a long way to show just what the Leafs can, or cannot do against real competition.

Friday, October 12, 2007

The Tables Have Turned

You'll rue the day you crossed me Trabek...I mean Dublowhahoozit.

Apparently getting embarrassed by Carolina a couple nights ago put a bee in the bonnets of the Leafs (perhaps even pollinating said bonnets) resulting in last nights 8-1 drubbing of the Islandics.

Sundin got his record and was named 1st, 2nd and 3rd star, good on him. It was nice to see that he got two standing ovations, he deserved them both.

'Doobie' got his come-up-ands for eliminating the Leafs from last years playoffs with a savage blow to his save percentage and GAA.

It is a step in the right direction, and since I will be in Sarnia damaging my liver at a Sting game etc. over the weekend, I shall not be posting on the Pengu's game until I return.

Go Leafs Go.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Leafs V. Islanders. Making Amends

Last season, Leaf fans cringed when they heard their playoff dreams where dashed by a shootout poke check from a backup goaltender nicknamed 'Doobie'.
This year, off to a 1-2-1 start, fans are disgruntled, the media is screaming 'thy end is nigh' and the Sharks are circling, smelling blood and kicking us while we are down.
All in all, it is only October, only game 5, and another loss would not be the nail in the coffin, or even the greasy burger that clogs the artery that causes the heart attack that leads to the funeral.
But it would ease my mind a bit if they, you know, blew the Islanders off the Island (the tribe has spoken).
With some line shakeups, and Razorcroft in the twine, the Leafs will probably (and hopefully) look like a totally different team tonight.

Go Leafs Go

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Everyone take a deep breath.

Yes, the Leafs got owned 7-1. Yes they played like shit. Yes Brian McCabe took the hardest body check he's taken this year from the net.
But guess what? I am not worried. I am however a might irritated that the Leafs so easily gave up and withered away from the game after they went down 3-1, but this happens all the time. Not just to the Leafs, but everyone. Can you name one team that hasn't been blown out before? Once? Twice? Several times a season? Jesus people, its game 4 of 82, there is a little wiggle room for improvement.
Why were the Leafs so dead in a game that should have been so charged with emotion when Blake had just announced that he had cancer? A game that Sundin could become the highest scoring Leaf of all time? Well thats simple, they sucked. Does it mean they will suck for the rest of the year and that they should just pack their bags and dig out the golf clubs? Hell no, what the hell is wrong with you?

Toskala, poor little Vesa. He got his bell rung. He played some incredible hockey for the first period and most of the second. Until the floodgates opened and his team no longer seemed to give a damn. Saying the Tosk sucks after a game like last night is ludacris, the fact that he was able to give the Leafs a chance to come back for even a period shows just how good he is. Two goalies in all the NHL may have been able to keep that up all game.
I also can see where Maurice was coming from in not pulling The Tosk. Better to let him get used to the Boo-birds in a game that he knows he really didn't play that badly in and a game that has no real pressure, no real consequences (unless we miss the playoffs by one point again) than in say a game down the stretch when the Leafs are clawing for a playoff birth.

It was a blip (a frustrating blip, but a blip no less) and it means nothing in the long run.


Sunday, October 7, 2007

Plan The Parade!

I keed I keed.
But thank god the Leafs won. After that first period (and the first 10 or so minutes of the third) even I was starting to wonder about my team. Other than fantastic play by the Stajan line and The Tosk the effort was borderline pathetic. There was no energy, the Power Play was painful to watch and the whining Habs fans started to hurt my ears.
Ok Habbies, yes Sundin smucking your boy in the face with the stick was a penalty (a four minute one at that) but a suspension? Are you kidding me? Do you want some cheese?
Maurice decided it was time for a change and re-shuffled the lines so that they looked a might framiliar.
Then the game got good. Pony became Johnny on the spot with 2 goals, both assisted by My Swedish Captian, clearing a two goal deficit and sending this one to OT. Then it ended on a goal by everyones favourite Ray Romano look alike, Thomas Kaberle, assisted yet again by Mats.

Things of note:
- The Tosk? Yeah, he can play, stop questioning it.
- Reffing was consistently terrible, for both teams.
- Higgins must have been taking diving lessons from Derek Roy.
- Power Play still needs a ton of work.
- The Penalty Kill still looks great.

That is all.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Leafs V. Habs, A Rivalry Revivalry

At the end of the season, right before my second year of April heartache I had a moment of pure joy.
The Leafs eliminated Les Habitants from the playoff race. Sure we didn't make it either, but I am a subscriber to the "If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me" camp of thought. Especially when it applies to the Montreal Canadians.
Tonight, they seek a measure of revenge against my beloved Buds. The Habs are one of those teams that I am always nervous when the Leafs play them, like Boston, they always seem to find a way to be competitive and can eek out a win even when over matched.
Coming off back to back losses against the Devil's Ice Dance Team, the Leafs will fight for their first win of the 2007/2008 season. This is a feat they can easily accomplish if they do one thing. Play like they did against Ottawa.
Play like that, and hopefully a return to form for Darcy Tucksinburg and it will be a big W for the Blue and White.

Predictions - The Tosk with the start (and the finnish *rimshot*)
- Mats with two points
- Leafs 5, Habs 3

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Colour Commentary

Pierre McGuire should never, ever, ever, ever EVER, everevereverever EVAR be allowed to do colour commentary again. I can handle him in small doses but having him chime in with some inane, overtly loud comment every 5 seconds drives me batty, I was actually screaming at the TV for him to shut the eff bomb up. It took away so much from the game for me.

also "and he EXPLODED into him" seemed to be the phrase of the night for McGuire. Really Pierre? I thought only Deon got you off like that.

Also there was a hockey game. Good game over all. Nice and entertaining. Raycroft played goat but really wasn't that bad. Kaberle had a terrible first half and the Gill/Wozinkoniwiskokani pairing didn't do that badly at all, against the Twirly giggling weasel line. A few minor defensive burps against the wrong players and its an OT loss. I am excited about the potential of the Antro/Sundin/St. Blake line, they are going to be dangerous.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Walk The Line

So, now that I have finally been able to get some sleep, it is time for something representing a comprehensive post. Well, as comprehensive as I ever get anyways.

Seems Paul Z. Maurice has finally finished his post season line tinkering and come up with this.

Antropov / Sundin / St. Blake
Ponikarovsky / Stajan / Steen
Kilger / Pohl / Tucker
Devereaux / Newbury / Master Battaglia

Kaberle / Kubina
McCabe / White
Gill / Wozniewski

A The Tosk / Razercroft tandum.

Also, as per last year (and years prior) Belak as the swing man and resident heavy weight.

Now way back when, I had some line up predictions....Here I believe.
Taking into account the things I could not for see such as the Bell suspension the Not so Wellwood re-injuries and the Carlo syndrom I think I faired pretty well in the guess zone (like the twilight zone only cooler, and in colour).

Looking at the 'set' lineup, and I use that term Paris Hilton'y. I have two small qualms. Nothing major, I can see why they were done this way, but would I be a true fan if everything was perfect?

1-I would have liked to see Gamache (or as I call him Gam-chee) crack the line up, taking up Belak's spot. The Leafs would be better able to use his speed and tenacity on the PK or an injection of energy into ANY line that was slacking off and not producing. And as much as I like Belak, the need for a heavy weight on the bench is less and less relevent, unless of course Cam Jansen is on the other bench. Can we have Domi come back for that game?

2- Ian White V. Stralman. Mini Kaberle/Lidstrom, whatever. This kid impressed me in the pre-season. With some polishing and experience I have no doubt he will be a force of an offensive defenseman. All he needs is to adjust to the North American style of play (pardon me if that sounded a little too Bob Cole for you). Stralman will see some time on the big club this year, but not enough. Ian White was probably chosen for experience and chemistry purposes so I can't really fault the decision, it does make sense.
White had better watch his back though, Stralman will find a way.

Other than that, I am really not too worried about it. The Leafs look probably about as good as they could without three potentially pivotal players (say that three times fast) not starting the season. Whatever the media wants to hook on, be it The Tosk VS Raycroft, Bell's suspension, Paul Maurice's tie colour, I don't care. I am excited for this season to start, more so than I have ever been. I like the look of this team, I like the character, the depth, the potential and most of all the spirit that emanates from them.

Now before I come off as all hokey and 'THIS IS THE YEAR!!!1!' let me remind you that I don't think they'll win the cup, or the conference or whatever. I just love my team. Lets drop that puck.

Die Hard Blue and White Baby

Go Leafs Go

Monday, October 1, 2007

Insomniatic Post Season Post

I worked until 9:30AM this morning, It is now 2PM, I can't sleep. And so I blog.

Two more days until the real season. What of my beloved Leafs you ask? All in all I think they look good. Other than one horrendous game, The Tosk looked solid and I think he will only get better. St. Blake looked good, fast and mean out there, it will be nice to see what he does when the competition is actually real, he and Sundin seem to have a chemistry building, dare I dream of career years for both? I dare.

I dare.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Reconnaissance Photos: Sens VS Flyers Preseason

1)An easy victory, group hug!
2)moments before Neil gets crushed behind the net
3)The Sens take the ice
4)Nytimaki (or whatever) looks to rebound after a brutal first (for those unaware, it didn't happen)

Friday, September 14, 2007

It Begins!

The Kings beat the Ducks 5-4 in the Pre-Season opener.
Hockey is back!

It's about GD time.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Just For Laughs

Four office workers stand around the water cooler on their break, one is a Habs fan, One a Senators fan, one a Bruins fan and the last a Leafs fan. They shoot the shit for a while and the topic of house painting comes up.
"I was actually thinking of painting my garage this weekend, what colour would you guys suggest?"
askes the Bruins fan.
"Red" says the Habs fan, "Pink!" chimes the Sens fan. "white" suggests the Leaf fan.
"white? what a stupid suggestion" exclaims the Bruins fan.
"Yeah" The Habs fan continues "what do you know anyway, you like the Maple Leafs, they havn't won a cup in 40 years!"
"Yeah! your team sucks, they haven't made the playoffs in two years" Quips the Sens fan.
the three chirp away for a while.
"what a shitty team they are"
"Your goaltending is horrible"
"worst team ever"
"40 years what a joke"
Finnally the Leaf fan has had enough.
"Oh Fuck you guys" he exclaims and he goes back to work.

The three others sit there in silence for a second, then the Sens fan turns to the Habs fan.
"Wow, Leafs fans are assholes eh?"

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Dead Ringer

The Mark Bell Issue.

I haven't gone too deep into this for one reason, I never had all the facts, I still don't.
But I know more than I did before and feel its time to speak out on it.
First off let me state that I in no way shape or form support drinking and driving, or am excusing what Mr. Bell has done.
From my mighty perch on my keyboard I have checked round y'ond intraweb to try and get as much information as I could, I have seen the interviews, read the articles and heard the rumours.
What have I discovered? Mark Bell duce'd up, he duce'd up large. He drove while intoxicated and was involved in an accident in which an innocent was injured.
But then he man'd up. Plead no contest and took what the judge gave him, now he is taking his lumps in a substance abuse program combined with an indefinite suspension from playing in the NHL.
Knowing nothing about the guy other than what I have been spoon fed from the media, I can say that he doesn't seem like a bad guy, he doesn't seem evil or dangerous, I mean the guy was named Chicago's man of the year in 2005 for his charity work PRIOR to the incident.
Thing is, even good people do stupid things, inexcusable things. Is Mark Bell a good person? I don't know, I have never met him. Does he deserve to get off light because he is an almighty NHL player? Hell no. But I refuse to judge before the hammer falls. If he pays his dues, if he gets his life turned around, If he can move on, then doesn't he deserve a chance? Look what Danny Heatly has been able to do (note: I am aware comparing the situation is apples and oranges and I actually LIKE Heatly, so don't crucify me, its just an example about how someone can come back from something that could destroy ones life or career.)

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Whats My Name Again?

Tony Salmelainen.

The newest Leaf, I welcome him even though I know nothing about the kid. I can't wait to see him play just to listen to Bob Cole and Harry Neal butcher his name up something fierce.

What can I say, I am easily entertained.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Peca'ing Order

Well it seems that everyones favourite paper-mache penalty killer has finnally found a new home.
Trading in the Blue and White for a Blue Jacket.
Didn't see that come'n did ya?
I wonder if they will be able to find a way to make his masking tape and tissue paper physique retain composure throughout the entire season. Maybe rubber cement? A Q-Ray?
Or maybe they will reform him out of liquid metal, creating the P-1000.
His mission will be to destroy Sidney Crosby, and only Gary Roberts can save him. This fall, prepare yourself for.....The Penguinator.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Goodbye and So Long

The NHL's ugliest player Mike Ricci has retired, making him the NHL's former uglies player I guess. That puts him soundly in the running for ugliest NHL player of all time (giving Gump Worsley a run for his money).
That leaves one dire question un-answered, who is the new king of Fuglyiness? To me it comes down to Dominik 'Skelator' Hasek and Ryan 'I kissed a blender' Smyth.
feel free to voice your own votes in the comment section.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Double Take

I just had one of those "wait a second, you stupid TV, what did you just show me?"
moments, followed by me furiously trying to rewind the channel by pressing a random button on my remote.(note, much like last time, this didn't work).
This is what I sawed.

Watch the last guy in the Yellow Neon closely, I swear that is Goldberg the friggen goalie from the Mighty Ducks movies, the voice seems a bit off though....I need to go watch that movie again for a comparo.

The investigation continues.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Fresh Eyes

Since there is EVER so much going on in Leaf land right now, I thought it time to look back on what has been accomplished this off season and where the Leafs now (potentially) stand.

First, lets dive back a might farther than that though, to the summer of 2006. What did we get? A new coach a new "number one" goalie and two hulking defensemen.

I am still a big fan of the Paul Maurice decision. He is young (for a coach) but does know what he is doing, and I like his fitness approach to the team. Five / Five

Andrew Raycroft. *Sigh* oh Razor, we took a chance on you but you weren't what everyone demanded of you.You did get that wins record, but wiffing at high glove shots.... You get one more season before you delve into Alan Bester territory. Two Point Five / Five

Halvel Gillbina. Not Chrott Progmeyer, not even Brymas McCaberle. Both are good defensemen, and will be better this year, I guarentee. Price tag still a bit hefty though. Three /Five

Now we come to more recent dealings, the stifling summer of oh seven .

The more I think about it, the more I like the additions of Mark Bell and The Tosk. I really do. Mark Bell may have been a salary dump, but one mans trash is another mans treasure. He has the makings of a steady mid - 20s goal scorer. Last season he had a bit of a rough time, but thats nothing a fresh start shouldn't cure. He wont feel too much pressure since everyone in TO has pretty much forgotten about him since the arrival of St. Jason Blake. Bell will be able to quietly work on his game and develop into an excellent second line winger. Will be worth the Two Mill. Four / Five
The Tosk. The Tosk is a good goaltender, but is untested at the starter gig for more than a stint at a time. But then he was dueling for number one against Nabokov, one of the NHL's premier goaltenders (anyone who says otherwise is wrongo bongo). Getting shipped to TO gives The Tosk something he has probably been hungering for. A viable shot at a starter roll. He has all the tools, the experience (internationally anway) and isn't adverse to pressure, but then there is nothing like the Pressure cooker that is being a Maple Leaf. Three Point Five / Five
Now the crown Jewel of the Maple Leaf additions. St Jason Blake. He was the main reason I didn't like when the Buds played the Islanders (well until DiPietro caught fire anyways). I don't pretend for one second that I think he will reproduce his point totals from last year, but do think he will get in the high twenties low thirties with ease and crack 60 points. He is fast, very fast, just what the first line needs. Responsible defensively and excellent at riling up the enemy, the combination of him and Tucker in a one / two line combo will have other teams seething and off their game. He's not the messiah that will bring the Leafs the Cup on a platter, but he's the Saint that will give them a chance at causing some post season damage to the hoighty toighty Sens and Sabers. Four Point Five / Five

Pre-Season-Predict-O-Matic Says - The Buds Finnish 6th in the regular season, get knocked out in the second round of the playoffs in 7 games in a blood feud like series with the Sabers.

That is all.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Join The Party

In the spirit of David 'Hockey Analysis" Johnson and The Raking Leafs Ninja, I have decided to do my own Favourite Player Per Team List (dum da da dum!). why not spice up the dull days of my off season woes with a little listage? I invite all other hockey bloggers and bloggerets to join in, you know you waaaaaaanna.

Let us commence.

Anaheim - Getzlaf, hands down the one player from the Ducks I'd love to see on my team, big, strong and skilled, will just keep getting better.

Atlanta - Kari Lethonen, the guy is ginormous, especially for a goalie, but he's quick and has good possitioning. He's going to be the next Kipper.

Boston - Marc Savard, little guy with a big presence. His play making skills are incredible and he's matured very well in the past few years, he is always on the score sheet.

Buffalo - Jason Pominville. o5/06 playoffs VS the Sens, nuff said.

Calgary - Matthew Lombardi, speed, skill, youth, scoring touch, you name it, the kid has it. He is going to be a key part of Calgary's offence for a long time, unless they are stupid enough to trade him.

Carolina - Erik Cole. Takes over when things get a bit physical, will grind against anyone, gritty and tough yet puts up points very well, came back from that nasty neck injury, guys got guts.

Chicago - Patrick Lalime...ok no, seriously Rene Bourque, the few times I've seen the Black Hawks play, this kid has always stood out.

Colorado - Joe Sakic. The best leader in the NHL since Yzerman retired, the guy is amazing, best wrist shot in the NHL ever, excellent playmaker, excellent passer, excellent at pretty much everything. I really don't see any other choice.

ColumbusFredrik Modin. Has been a favourite since his days with the Lightening. Has a crazy hard slap shot and uses his size well. When he's not slumping that is.

DallasMarty Turco. Has an air of confidence around him, that is well understood considering how the man can play nets. Plus that NHL commercial he was in killed me every time it was played., unlike the Crosby one that was just creepy.

Detroit – Since Stevie Y is no longer available for the list, I'll have to go with Henrik Zetterberg. A great offensive player who always is there in the open ice. Plus the dude can grow a wicked playoff beard.

EdmontonRobbie Shremp. Watching him play for the London Knights was great, has the makings of a franchise player....if he can ever get in shape for the NHL that is.

Florida - I honestly don't like anyone on this team.

Los AngelesMike Cammalleri. Hard working player and and the sole bright spot on a dull team (until Kopitar can mature that is) would flourish on any half decent team.

MinnesotaBryan Rolston. I dunno, just have always liked him.

MontrealAlex Kovalev, for the sole reason that he frustrates the crap out of Habs fans

NashvilleJordin Tootoo, I've had a soft spot for this kid ever since he won gold at the Juniors that year, too bad he's turned out to be a bit of a short man syndrome case.

New JerseyMarty Brodeur. He is the best goalie ever, sorry Pat Roy.

NY IslandersRick DiPietro. Last year he proved that he might actually be worth that rediculous contract.

NY RangersBrendan Shanahan. Shanny's been a favourite since his cup days with the Wings, solid player all around.

Ottawa – Sigh, I have to pick one eh? Ray Emery then. The man is just so entertaining, plus he fought Peters in full goalie gear and gave him a good go, thats more than enough to get on the list.

PhiladelphiaMarty Biron, not as good a goalie as the aformention other Marty, but still a great netminder, not as good a fighter as the Aformentioned Emery but willing to drop em no less. He'll do well by Philly.

PhoenixShane Doan. A hard working, good Canadian kid, no matter what those Froggy buggers in the Quebec Media try to paint him as.

PittsburghMarc- Andre Fleury. Charged with saving the Penguins before the arrival of Crosby this kid held his own even though he still continues to get absolutley shelled every game. I have even forgiven his mistake at the Juniours. Give him some defense so he can show you what he really is made of.

San JoseJoe Thornton. Smokin' Joe has been the player I've hated to like ever since he was wearing the B, combined with the Cheechoo train his potential has been realized.

St. LouisPaul Karyia, the origional Mighty in the Ducks, I've always wanted to see him in Blue and White.

TampaMarty St. Louis. I love his "I'll teach you not to draft me" attitude and amazing skills, Lecavalier wouldn't look as good as he does without little Marty making all those passes.

TorontoWade Belak entertains me ever so much, but Darcy Tucker takes the cake. He plays with a tenacity that I wish every Leaf shared, loves a challenge and while he will never be mistaken as a natural goal scorer he can put the numbers up. Also, the fact that everyone who likes other teams hates him, it only makes the fact that I like him stronger, I mean what do they know?

Vancouver –The Sedins. The NHL's version of the doublement twins are almost as good individually as they are together, you'd think they were raised playing together or something.

WashingtonVictor Kozlov. Another giant whose skill is as impressive as his size. While he appears to be on the downslope of his career, he never ceases to impress or entertain, too bad he plays for the Crapitals.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Breaking News

The off season sucks.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Meet The Fosters.

Hi everyone! My name is Alex Foster, I was recently signed by JFJ to play for the Marlies, and maybe one day the Leafs, that would be swell!
While you may have never heard of me, let me re-assure you that I am a nice straight forward fellow, I don't smoke and I call my mother at least twice a week, she is such a nice lady!
While my ruffled plumage and dark swarthy looks draw lots of attention from the ladies, I don't have time at present for a female friend, as in addition to my hockey commitments, I spend all my free time reading to the deaf and bathing lepers, and lets not forget my marmoset rescue program.
I spent my last year of hockey split between the Baby Leafs and the Columbia Inferno, I felt uncomfortable with the name Inferno since it associates the team somewhat with the Devil and I am a good church going Christian.
Last year I managed to achieve 17 points (eight goals, nine assists) with 31 penalty minutes, which I assure you were all non-violent and absolutely necessary to prevent evil and save puppies from crack dealers with laser eyes.
I look forward to the next year and can't wait to meet you all and give you big warm hugs!

Yours Truly: Alex Foster

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Opptimistic Predictions: Round One

Many would state it is too early to predict anything about next season, but I am bored, and through boredom comes useless posts.
What am I predicting you ask on the edge of your seat, cold sweat dripping from your brown, literally shaking with anticipation??
The lines for your 2007/2008 Toronto Maple Leafs.
It ain't much, but no one is paying me for this (I do accept checks though).

Here goes nothing.


St. Blake - Sundin - Antro
Pony - Wellwood - Bell
Stajin - Steen - Tucker
Battaglia - Pohl - Kilger
Kaberle - Kubina
McCabe - Colaiacavo
White - Gill
Power Play One
Blake - Sundin - Tucker
Kaberle - McCabe
Power Play Two
Antro - Wellwood - Pony
Kubina - White

Other Line up predictions.
Tucker and Bell will be interchanged between the second and third lines for match up / Performance reasons.
St. Blake will go for a stint on the second line in exchange of Pony if he gets cold and needs motivation.
White will have a spot on the roster at the start of the year but will struggle to hold onto it as there is way to much competition.
Belak will be interjected into the line up as a workhorse to jump between forward and defense as needed, or when another heavy weight suits up ( I await Jansen's second beating)
Raycroft and The Tosk will dual it out until the trade deadline when the worse one will be shopped.
Stajin or Steen will become attractive trade bait, both will have much a improved season.
We will never see Suglobov In a Leaf Jersey again.
Stralman will crack the line up.
Sundin will crack 30 goals and 80 points.
Raycroft will have a better GAA, The Tosk will have the superior Save %
The penalty Kill will only have one constant, and that will be Gill.
Pohl will be in shoot-outs more often, Antro and Pony will not.
Injuries and or crazy JFJ brain cramps void guarantee on all predictions.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Open Water

Well here we float.
Drifting between the continents that are the NHL seasons, passed by are the good ships Draft day and Free agency deadline. This leaves us hockey fan-ites with nothing but open, salty, hockeyless water until October third. Only the possibility of an occasional trade-gul flying over head or ship in the night remaining free agency signing (Yashin/Sourey) to quench our hockey thirsts upon.
It is going to be a long swim.

Water water everywhere and none of it to skate on.

Thursday, July 5, 2007


Best picture ever? Its up there for sure, the only thing I think about when I see it is Billy yelling "I LIKE SOUP, NERRRAAAAHH"

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Dear JFJ

Just when I thought you might start down a road of decent decisions (snagging St. Jason Blake for one) you go and do this.
I mean, its not like I don't like The Tosk, or think that he may not be worth 4 Mill a year next year, it's that you just gave it to him, straight up as if to say "here ya go The Tosk, a nice comfy contract, please play well for us the next two years, I'm such a nice smiley guy".
Would it have killed you to wait until, oh I don't know, December to, you know, evaluate his worth for the next two seasons? See if he thrives in Blue and White?
Maybe even dangle a nice fat contract in his face and say "The Tosk, if you play well, look what is behind door number one (a braaand neeew caaaaar!), but if you play poorly you get whats behind door number two (a one way trip to play back up in Columbus, all inclusive).
Not to say this won't pan out and The Tosk becomes the next Kipper, but it has just as much chance of going the other way and biting you in your assets.

One Frustrated (though Die Hard) Leaf Fan.