Dear Pepsi
Where the hell do you get off thinking Canada needs a national cheer? Even worse, what the hell makes you think YOU are the ones to bring this out? Is "Go Canada Go!" not good enough for you? Fuck your couch Pepsi, your beverage may be refreshing and delicious, but your marketing is flat and has a bitter aftertaste.
I can tell you one thing, no matter the winner, it will not be cheered by me and my fellow country peoples at the game because no real sports fan gives a shit about some corporately manufactured phrase that has no historical or even logical creation.
Please as to stay out of our National business jerks. I am compelled to switch to Coke, even though it is vile and tastes like food colouring.
Jaredoflondon
Showing posts with label open letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label open letters. Show all posts
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Open Letter - This Is For The Haters Edition
Dear Cowards.
You know who you are, you wagon jumping negative vibe spreading hate mongers. Please as to leave Leafs nation and never return. We don't want you here, we don't want to hear your idiotic reasoning and self fluffing and "how much better life will be" when you are no longer a member of Leafs nation. I don't care if you leave, you wont be missed, but please do everyone a favor and do it quietly. Go into hiding and don't mention hockey at all this season, then next year, you can re-emerge from your douche cocoon as an asshole butterfly fan of the team of your choice.
Get stuffed.
Not Pictured: How stupid your face is
Hugs and kisses: JaredofLondon
You know who you are, you wagon jumping negative vibe spreading hate mongers. Please as to leave Leafs nation and never return. We don't want you here, we don't want to hear your idiotic reasoning and self fluffing and "how much better life will be" when you are no longer a member of Leafs nation. I don't care if you leave, you wont be missed, but please do everyone a favor and do it quietly. Go into hiding and don't mention hockey at all this season, then next year, you can re-emerge from your douche cocoon as an asshole butterfly fan of the team of your choice.
Get stuffed.
Not Pictured: How stupid your face isHugs and kisses: JaredofLondon
Friday, January 9, 2009
It Is Time
Dear Vesa Toskala
It's me, Jared. We need to talk Vesa, no no no. Not about designer hand bags and bitchen shoe pant combo's like usuall. We need to talk about you. You're a very likable guy Vesa, your also quite the tallented goaltender. But your not getting shit done. Does that sound framiliar? You know a certian Razor sharp ex-Leaf goaltender who we shipped off for sucking it once he got the number one spot.
Seriously Vesa, we know you can do it. We saw last year that you can pull a decent string of games together on a regular basis. Hell we've even seen this year how you can pull out a solid wall of a game and look like an all-star.
We as Leaf nation are growing concerned. What happened? Or what is happening? Is your groin still wonky? Has the bunneh gotten too chubbeh? Or have you been playing above your head for a long time now and are just comming down with a realistic, permenate case of the sucks?
I had hoped that you could be a part of this team and it's re-build, but with this lacsidasical effort, it probably won't work out.
You know what these letters mean. I'm sorry Vesa, but it's over. It's just a matter of time.
Good luck in Nashville.
JaredfromLondon
It's me, Jared. We need to talk Vesa, no no no. Not about designer hand bags and bitchen shoe pant combo's like usuall. We need to talk about you. You're a very likable guy Vesa, your also quite the tallented goaltender. But your not getting shit done. Does that sound framiliar? You know a certian Razor sharp ex-Leaf goaltender who we shipped off for sucking it once he got the number one spot.
Seriously Vesa, we know you can do it. We saw last year that you can pull a decent string of games together on a regular basis. Hell we've even seen this year how you can pull out a solid wall of a game and look like an all-star.
We as Leaf nation are growing concerned. What happened? Or what is happening? Is your groin still wonky? Has the bunneh gotten too chubbeh? Or have you been playing above your head for a long time now and are just comming down with a realistic, permenate case of the sucks?
I had hoped that you could be a part of this team and it's re-build, but with this lacsidasical effort, it probably won't work out.
You know what these letters mean. I'm sorry Vesa, but it's over. It's just a matter of time.
Good luck in Nashville.
JaredfromLondon
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
For The Good Of Man Kind
This has been a long time coming.
*Sigh*
Dear Toronto Mitten Stringers., All of you....Some more than Others.
Where do I start? Really, there is so much I could write to you, so much I could complain and rant and rave about. I'm not going to mention any names, because I don't believe in calling people out.
Like many Leaf fans and Leaf bloggers, I've hit the wall with you recently. This simply isn't a case of one bad apple spoiling the whole bunch either. Many of you have, for a long time, been lazy and/or borderline offensive in your workings. Your writing is sloppy, your arguments weak and your reasoning lazy and flawed.
Now don't get me wrong, not all of it is bad, many of you write some good stuff. Some of you manage to do it on a consistent basis. I can even understand the drive to write the anger inspiring drivel that has become common place. When you write an article like that, you get a ton of positive response from all the anti-Torontites out there, the Habs fans, the Sens fans, what have you, and you get a negative response from us Leafers. That equals a ton of buzz about what you write and sells papers, gets ratings and even gives you a zillion hits online.
The sad thing is, that isn't journalism, its not reporting, its not even good writing. You are paid to be professionals. You are paid to get the truth and report it, sometimes give your own slant and comment to that effect. You are also paid to back up what you say with facts, and or logical reasoning. Spouting 1967, 40 years, Harold Ballard etc over and over again is lazy writing and you know it. Your goal should be to be the best you can be.
You want to just sell papers, and be moronic go ahead, there is nothing I can do to stop you. We'll still be here. True Leaf fans don't buy your garbage, and with wonderful fellows like PPP, DGB and the Cox Bloc boys out there, we are fighting the fight in our own way. There is strength in numbers, and logic. We have both, and nothing you can write will change that.
I'm not asking you to do anything drastic, like quit, or become something you are, I just want you to stop being so lazy and write the way you can write. You can still be negative and rip on the Leafs yes, we actually don't mind that at all. Just have a valid argument supporting your negative approach. Back it up with facts. Build some legitimate sources that aren't anonymous, that will actually give you some validity. You will still get all the anti-leafs congratulating you and you will still be the object of our disdain, but at least we will respect you as journalists, Hell you might even get more hits as self respecting Leaf fans who have boycotted your work (IE me) will again come back to read your stuff.
How hard can it be? No harder than it was for me to not rant and rave and swear at you in this letter thats for sure.
Clean up your fucking act you douche bags!
-JaredofLondon
*Sigh*
Dear Toronto Mitten Stringers., All of you....Some more than Others.
Where do I start? Really, there is so much I could write to you, so much I could complain and rant and rave about. I'm not going to mention any names, because I don't believe in calling people out.
Like many Leaf fans and Leaf bloggers, I've hit the wall with you recently. This simply isn't a case of one bad apple spoiling the whole bunch either. Many of you have, for a long time, been lazy and/or borderline offensive in your workings. Your writing is sloppy, your arguments weak and your reasoning lazy and flawed.
Now don't get me wrong, not all of it is bad, many of you write some good stuff. Some of you manage to do it on a consistent basis. I can even understand the drive to write the anger inspiring drivel that has become common place. When you write an article like that, you get a ton of positive response from all the anti-Torontites out there, the Habs fans, the Sens fans, what have you, and you get a negative response from us Leafers. That equals a ton of buzz about what you write and sells papers, gets ratings and even gives you a zillion hits online.
The sad thing is, that isn't journalism, its not reporting, its not even good writing. You are paid to be professionals. You are paid to get the truth and report it, sometimes give your own slant and comment to that effect. You are also paid to back up what you say with facts, and or logical reasoning. Spouting 1967, 40 years, Harold Ballard etc over and over again is lazy writing and you know it. Your goal should be to be the best you can be.
You want to just sell papers, and be moronic go ahead, there is nothing I can do to stop you. We'll still be here. True Leaf fans don't buy your garbage, and with wonderful fellows like PPP, DGB and the Cox Bloc boys out there, we are fighting the fight in our own way. There is strength in numbers, and logic. We have both, and nothing you can write will change that.
I'm not asking you to do anything drastic, like quit, or become something you are, I just want you to stop being so lazy and write the way you can write. You can still be negative and rip on the Leafs yes, we actually don't mind that at all. Just have a valid argument supporting your negative approach. Back it up with facts. Build some legitimate sources that aren't anonymous, that will actually give you some validity. You will still get all the anti-leafs congratulating you and you will still be the object of our disdain, but at least we will respect you as journalists, Hell you might even get more hits as self respecting Leaf fans who have boycotted your work (IE me) will again come back to read your stuff.
How hard can it be? No harder than it was for me to not rant and rave and swear at you in this letter thats for sure.
Clean up your fucking act you douche bags!
-JaredofLondon
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
It Is Official
With the finalization of the McCabe to Florida deal it has finally become official. I have mystical magical super like powers.
Through the vessel that is this blog I have preformed amazing miracles, time and time again proving my amazing abilities.
The Open Letter is to be feared. For those of you not up to date. Every single person I have written an open letter to has been removed from the Toronto Maple Leafs in some way shape or form.
So now I have to make a decision, should I use these amazing demi-god like powers for good or evil?
Probably evil.....
I give new meaning to the words 'Dear John Letter'
Who should feel my wrath next? I have yet to decide....
Mine is an evil laugh.
Through the vessel that is this blog I have preformed amazing miracles, time and time again proving my amazing abilities.
The Open Letter is to be feared. For those of you not up to date. Every single person I have written an open letter to has been removed from the Toronto Maple Leafs in some way shape or form.
So now I have to make a decision, should I use these amazing demi-god like powers for good or evil?
Probably evil.....
I give new meaning to the words 'Dear John Letter'
Who should feel my wrath next? I have yet to decide....
Mine is an evil laugh.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Curse Of The Open Letter
I just realized something, every person I have written an open letter to has been removed, traded or bought out by the Leafs. Think about it. JFJ, Raycroft, Wellwood, Tucker, Woznewski.
And that got me to thinking....
An Open letter To Bryan McCabe:
Hey Bryan.
Whats up? How are the kids? Enjoying the weather on this lovely summers day? Just writting to catch up. You know where to write back.
Peace out hommie!
Jaredolflondon.
And that got me to thinking....
An Open letter To Bryan McCabe:
Hey Bryan.
Whats up? How are the kids? Enjoying the weather on this lovely summers day? Just writting to catch up. You know where to write back.
Peace out hommie!
Jaredolflondon.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tucker'd Out
A Departing Letter To Darcy Tucker
Dear Darcy:
It is with heavy heart that I, like many Leaf fans, see you leave our beloved team. We will miss watching #16 this upcoming season, and every season after that. Like all the great Maple Leaf players, you have left a lasting impression on us. You have shown us heart, soul and passion on the ice that we will be hard pressed to ever see again. You were, and are a fan favourite for a reason. We Loved you as Side-show Bob, we loved you as Crazy Eyes, we loved you as Power Play weapon number one and we loved you last year, when you weren't all there physically. But most of all, we loved you as a Toronto Maple Leaf.
We wish you nothing but good fortune and luck in all your future endeavours and hope with fingers crossed, that one day, we will again see you in Blue and White. You are forever a Maple Leaf to us.
One Die Hard Fan of Darcy Tucker.
Jared Of London
Dear Darcy:
It is with heavy heart that I, like many Leaf fans, see you leave our beloved team. We will miss watching #16 this upcoming season, and every season after that. Like all the great Maple Leaf players, you have left a lasting impression on us. You have shown us heart, soul and passion on the ice that we will be hard pressed to ever see again. You were, and are a fan favourite for a reason. We Loved you as Side-show Bob, we loved you as Crazy Eyes, we loved you as Power Play weapon number one and we loved you last year, when you weren't all there physically. But most of all, we loved you as a Toronto Maple Leaf.
We wish you nothing but good fortune and luck in all your future endeavours and hope with fingers crossed, that one day, we will again see you in Blue and White. You are forever a Maple Leaf to us.
One Die Hard Fan of Darcy Tucker.
Jared Of London
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