Showing posts with label pure titanium. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pure titanium. Show all posts

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Toronto Maple-Stashes

There is so much to love about the Toronto Maple Leafs, it is often hard to find a jump off point when starting to discuss the awesom-tude that is the Blue and White. Where should I start? The Bad ass Maple Leaf? The legions of loyal and beloved fans? The storied history?

Nay, I say, Nay. The best place to start is quite obvious when you think about it. Its all about the flavour saver baby!

Thus I give you a count down of the top 4 mustaches in Maple Leaf history

4) Jamie Macoun
Just look at that proud lip plumage. A fine example of how a stash should be wrangled. My favourite Leaf defenseman of all time for no particular reason (probably the mustache) came up short here though. The competition was pretty stiff, and bristly, Jamie never stood a chance.

3) Pat Burns

One of the best coaches ever to grace the Blue and White Pine. Burns' stash could not be ignored. Unfortunately for Pat, he also possessed the steeliest gaze ever owned by a coach and it overwhelmed his stash, taking him out of the running early.

2) Lanny Macdonald

One of the great mustaches of all time. No one could do it bigger, or bushier. Lanny had his duster down to an art. A crazy bushman like art. It is rumored that the left side of his mustache weighed a whopping 26lbs, a full 2lbs heavier than the right side. This helped Lanny by giving him the ability to change direction at the drop of a hat simply by turning his head. It is also legend that there is a family living in Lanny's mustache that is unsure the Vietnam war ever ended. Unfortunately for Lanny's awesome mustache, I brought in a ringer.

1) Wendel Clark
Wendel's mustash, or the soup strainer of death as it is known in some circles, is infact made of pure titanium, grown by Wendel by schear will when he decided that human hair is for pussies. No facial hair has ever been more feared. It is said that when tossed up against Stalin and Hitler for most feared Mustash in human history the judge was heard screaming "PLEASE WENDEL! NOT IN THE FACE NOT IN THE FACE" after merely glimpsing at a picture of Clark's duster of doom. There was no other choice.