Monday, September 15, 2008

We Can Rebuild Them, Stronger...Faster...Less Offensively Dangerous

If you've been keeping track of what is happening to the line up of yonder Maple Leafs, you may have noticed a few changes in said locker room. But for ever face that has left, there is a fresh new mug for us to get acquainted with, a tit for tat if you will. Except there are no tits....Unless you count the MLSE.

These are the replacements.

The Original - Wade Belak
The Replacement - Jamal Mayers

For Better or for worse? Mayers is probably a better leader, and can actually put up a point or two, it is up in the air on who is a better fighter, but Mayers will never be able to make love to a camera like Wade.

The Original - Darcy Tucker
The Replacement - Ryan Hollweg

For Better of for worse? Hollweg is a tough, but semi dirty pest who is known for taking bad penalties. He will never be able to fill Tuckers water glass let alone replace him.

The Original - Kyle Wellwood
The Replacement - Michael Grabowski

For Better or for worse? Another smallish offensively gifted speedster with all the potential in the world? Dear god keep him away from Kirspy Kream.

The Original - Hall Gill
The Replacement - Jonas Frogden

For Better or for worse? The Frog seems to be willing to punish bitches with his size in where Hall would just use his massive wingspan as a roadblock. Experience is what worries me....well that and spiders.

The Original - Bryan McCabe
The Replacement - Mike VanRyan

For Better or for worse? VanRyan doesn't make me want to puke.

The Original - Andrew Raycroft
The Replacement - Curtis Joseph

For Better or for Worse? Cujo could be 20 years older, blind in both eyes and have a peg leg and still be a better back up than Raycroft. And we'd have a pirate on our team.
/scurvy dog joke.

The Origional - Mats Sundin
The Replacement - Keanu Reaves

For better or for worse? With the help of Gene Hackman and a plucky cheerleader who actually knows more about hockey than any GM or Coach in the NHL, Keanu will single handedly unite this team of misfits and transform them into an odd defying underdog story with hilarious antics and memorable speeches about!


Loser Domi said...

Every mention of Keanu Reeves should rally include this video:

wrap around curl said...

So where does one go to find a sexy pirate ala Jack Sparrow? Just taking a survey...

Anonymous said...

I'll bravely volunteer to guard the Krispy Kreme locations in the GTA. Mmmmmmm Crack Donuts.

dani said...

Duuuude, Keanu Reaves.