Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Counter Productive

It had been a while since I'd seen him, and that wasn't a bad thing. But this morning when I got home from work, there he was. Expecting to find an empty apartment and a comfy bed, I found him.
At first, he didn't notice me, nor I him, but I did notice the mess. Dishes, empty bottles and general clutter everywhere. then he came out of the kitchen and I stood face to face with myself.
"Hey jackass!" he said in his all to friendly way "where the hell have you been?" I sighed
"You know where I've been smartass, the draft, camping, you know having a life"
"ah yes, the draft, I saw the pictures, the camera seems to remove 10lbs in your case" he poked at my stomach and I slapped his hand away "Speaking of hockey, what do you make of Mr Burkes first summer as the Leafs GM thusfar?"
"Well the draft was awesome, hooked up with a good crew. I was expecting more movement from Burke and admittedly wanted Cowen, but I couldn't be happier with Kadri, or Burke absolutely owning Murray on national TV"
"He's a bad mother..." he paused, looked at me like I should do something.
"what?" I asked, to tired to deal with this bullshit "never mind, Yeah, Kadri is sick. What about free agency? You think we have enough D yet?"
"God what a log jam. This defense is going to punish the hell out of the opposition. Beachemin will be an instant fan favourite, same with Orr. I still have mixed feelings about Komiserik, he still has Hab Douche stamped on his forhead."
"What about the Kubina trade for Garnet 'smash your face with my elbows' Exelby"
"Another enigma, I can't wait to see him turn some Ottawa Senators into dust, but his reputation for being dirty and taking himself out of position has me woried a might" he snorted at me.
"whats so funny?"
"You are such a girl" he said with a giggle "ok their Jason Spezza"
"Hey! Low blow!" he recoiled, mocking offense.
"besides, I continued, this Defense is already 100% more defensive and potent against the rush than it was last year, what ever happens with the extra bodies, be it trading for picks or prospects, or even moving Kabby for a top 6 forward, in Burke I trust "
"how about Rick Nash?"
"go die in a fire"


Jennifer Hammer said...

I love it when you fight with yourself.

furcifer said...

Even your battles with yourself have TRUCULENCE!

kidkawartha said...

Jared, you should f-ck that guy up but good. Take him drinking, get him hammered and steal his keys.

Junior said...

kidkawartha's comment raises an interesting philosophical point: if Jared were able to fight himself, would that mean that Chris Kostopolous could hit himself from behind?

kidkawartha said...

Would that be the classic donkey punch or just one asshole hitting another?