Breaking Burke

How does that old saying go? You can't miss someone until they've gone?

And with his recent firing, I miss Brian Burke with everything that quote implies.
It feels redundant to write on something that has been ripped apart by a hockey starved hoard of media, bloggers, and fans as there really is no stones left to over turn and examine to death.

But here we are.

I am a gigantic fan of Brian Burke. He is so many things that I love in a human. He's smart, quick witted, great for a quote and an entertaining curmudgeon of a gent. I am emotionally invested in the man, he makes me feel feels and ever since he came blustering into Toronto throwing around 5 dollar words I've been hooked. I was hopeful when he started gutting the team of previous GM errors, I was terrified yet hopeful when he traded Kessel, I was gutted when he lost his son, and I was proud when he took up the LGBT flag and waived it proudly for all of pro sports to see.

But, I think the thing I will miss most about Brian Burke is that he had "that thing", you know, he always seemed like he was on the verge of his next best ex plan, and it was exciting. There was an undeniable sense of theater that surrounded Burke, and I loved it.

Then there is the other side of the Burkian coin. The Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team, you know, that thing he was handsomely paid to run. You all know the trades, the signings, the draft picks and the moral code. You all know the promises, the coaching, the collapses and the hope, and I'm sure most of you can agree, that it was probably time to move this in a different direction.  When it comes down to it, Burke didn't get it done, he miss-judged his team time and time again, and no matter how spectacular and surprising a move he made, it could not cover up the fact that the team he iced just wasn't very good at winning hockey games.

One of the things that has come up after said firing is that Burke was let go partially because he didn't have a plan. That's just something I can't buy. Burke always had a plan, he was the goddamed Hannibal Smith of the NHL (minus the whole plan coming together thing). Maybe the Rogers/Bell super conglomerate of doom didn't like his plan, or didn't "get" his plan, but Burke had a plan, believe you me. Maybe I was drinking the kool-aid, but I never was worried about the Leafs with Burke at the helm, I mean, I wasn't happy with team or anything, but there was this odd sensation of building, things were happening and they were happening RIGHT NOW. And now that's gone.

I don't know what to expect from Nonis, his resume stacks up as competent  yet quiet, and if anyone can right the good ship Brian Burke, he's probably the one familiar enough with the controls to do it, but where does he take it?

For the first time in half a decade I have absolutely zero idea where this team is headed, and that both excites and terrifies me. Oh, well, onward and upward.
Thank you Brian, thank you for your contributions and your efforts. Thank you for making such a positive impact on my team, its players and the great city of Toronto. I am proud to have been associated with you in the round about way that I am, keep up the good work and the best of luck in your hockey future.
Please don't rob the Leafs blind in a trade when you get another GM gig, you know how us fans have suffered as well as anyone.

Jared Of London
Back in Biz

Deadline Rumourzzzzz take two!

with the ever changing landscape that is the NHL and its mighty mighty trade rumour world, I had another sit down with my source to discus how things have changed with players like Carter off the market.

Last time you said the Leafs were not pursuing a goaltender, has that changed?

"Definetly, yes!"

Are they going for a vet?

"Reply is hazy"

Ah, so they are looking at multiple options, for the best deal?

"cannot predict now"

You say so much without saying anything, ok so on to Rick Nash, you were wrong about him ending up in LA, and now with them out of the running after snagging Carter, does this bring the Leafs back into the hunt for his services?

"Certainly not"

Is Burke using this Nash business as leverage for attaining another player?

"signs point to yes!"

Is that player Dustin Brown?

"outlook not so good"

Is it a player that no one is talking about?

"definitely not"

You are going to tell me again that it's Dustin Penner arn't you?

"Hazy, ask again...."

Stop fucking with me, just say it, the Leafs are after Dustin Penner!

"I don't think so"

Oh thank god...wait, are you just saying that to make me feel better?

"my reply is no"

Sure, your reply might be no, but that doesn't mean you arn't just pulling my chain on this. So you are saying things have changed on the Dustin Penner front, does this mean Burke has a new target?

"decidedly so!"

Is he still hunting in the Western Conference?"

"Certainly not"

Hmmm, so in the east, north east?

"dont count on it"

South East then....Florida?

"Definitely yes!"

Oh god, I know where this is going, It's Tampa isnt it?

"all signs point to yes!"

is it...Rya...Ry...Ryan Ma, oh god I cant even type it..Ryan Malone? /retch

"as I see it, yes!"

I hate you so fucking much

Trade Deadline Predictions, With a Twist

Yearly, us hockey fans are subjected to an influx of trade rumours from a variety of sources, some legit, some questionable and some down right laughable. I will let you all decide who is who on your own. No time is worse (or best, depending on how you look at it) than the current.

The trade deadline, February 27th. The last chance for NHL GM's to make a splash by adding, or subtracting players and assets.

I have always had a love/love relation with said day, I love the excitement of trading and the power shift it can bring and I love the balls out stupidity of some of the crap that gets flung out there, so this year I have decided to try something out.

I am going to take on the rumour mongers. Yes, you read that right, armed with zero sources and nothing but a free iPhone app, I am going to predict your deadline for you.

Ok now, let's start with everyone's hottest commodity, Rick Nash.

Magic 8-ball, will Rick Nash be traded?

"You may rely on it!"

Will Rick Nash be traded to the Eastern Conference?

"Unlikely..."

Will Rick Nash Be traded to California?

"Of course"

Will Rick Nash Be traded to L.A.?

"Without a doubt!"

eeenteresting, ok, now lets move on to everyone's favourite trade destination, Toronto

Will Brian Burke trade for an impact player before the deadline?

"Yes!"

Will it be a forward?

"Decidedly so!"

Is it Jeff Carter?

"Outlook not so good..."

Are the Leafs after Rick Nash?

"Certianly not..."

Is it Dustin Penner? (please god no)

"Definitely yes!" (FUCK)

wait, Dustin Penner is an impact player?

"Without a doubt!"

uh...ok, moving on, is that the only move Burke will make?

"Of course"

For a defenceman?

"You may rely on it!"

From the western conference?

"definitely yes!

is it Ryan Suter?

"better not tell you now...."

don't be a cock tease

"You may rely on it!

Rely on you being a cock tease?

"ask again later"

you coy bastard, How about a goaltender, is Burke after one?

"unlikely"

Will Luke Schenn be traded?

"Outlook is good!"

You are one vague son of a bitch, ok, last question are the other rumour mongers just as fake as you?

"Of course...."

and there you have it

Pre-Pre Season Prediction Pontification

My blogging has been less than frequent as of late, so I am starting with something nice and easy to get myself into writing shape for the season. Consider this the start of training camp.

20 Predictions for the 2011-2012 NHL season
Leaf-centric
1- Tim Connolly will be a 0.8 PPG player
2- Phil Kessel will score 40 goals
3- Luke Schenn will get 30 points
4- Matt Lombardi will play 20+ games for the Leafs
5- Nazem Kadri will score 45+ points
6- Mike Komisarek will earn some of his money....maybe half of it
7- Ron Wilson will coach the full final year of his contract
8- Josh Leivo will be this years Josh Nicholls and surprise everyone with his CHL scoring
9- No one will miss any of the players let go/traded from last season....except Kaberle for nostalgia purposes alone.
10- The Leafs will be fighting for a playoff spot right up to the end, and won't miss by more than 6 points

NHL Wide
1- The Jets will not only be terrible, their fan base and the media whoring around them will be intolerable.
2- The Flyers at best will be a bottom rung playoff team
3- If Cary Price produces an average season, the Habs will be a below average team
4- The Oilers and Islanders will continue to rush their prospects
5- The Avalanche will hand the Caps a top 5 pick for .905 goaltending
6- Ovechkin will be back, in a big way and win the Richard
7- Crosby will return, and score at a staggering pace almost immediately
8- Selanne will still be near a PPG if he plays for the Ducks
9- Jagr will embarrass himself in Philly this year.
10- Forsberg will attempt yet another come back

Newest Member of Leaf nation

say hello to the newest member of Leaf Nation, his name is Tiberius Michelangelo Levernicus, or TML for short

Meaning

"To Live is to suffer, but to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering"
-Roberta Flack

Your Toronto Maple Leafs are now 3 points out of the final playoff spot in the East, currently engaged in an all out dog fight where every game, every point, every period and every shift means something.

The odds are, and will continue to be, heavily stacked against them, and that is the best thing that ever could have happened to this young team.
While the Leafs may or may not make the post season, this run, this energy and this hunger will only be positive for the development of this team. No matter what, when the Toronto Maple Leafs players hang their skates up for the last time on this 2010-2011 season they will know that they can do it. They can make an impact and they can win with the pressure of the world on their shoulders.
They will also know that their fans, us, are behind them, that we believe they can do it.
So remember this Leaf nation. Remember that even if they fall short, this is just the beginning. Those once hollow words of "there is always next year" ring with hope once again.

Go Leafs go

I believe

I believe
I believe in long shots, beating bad odds and betting the over
I believe in the over paid, the under appreciated and those given up on long ago
I believe in proving them wrong
I believe in shocking the world
I believe in the stubbornness of youth, the refusal to quit and the power of desire
I believe in redemption
I believe in heroes
I believe in the Toronto Maple Leafs
I believe

mmm

You make Grabbo sad

Your un-reasonable and unfounded Grabbo hate makes me sad, Leaf fans. Why must you hate our mullet-ed pine apple slayer?
Sure, he is a bit of a dink, and he gets knocked on his ass more than his fair share, but he is just so cute!
Give him a chance, let his flowing locks into your heart. Embrace Grabbo-weeble, he loves you!
Unless you are a pined apple. In that case he will get you.

Oh will he get you.


I'm on a horse.

Welcome To The Party Pal

The new members of the Toronto Maple Leafs are gathered in a board room at the Air Canada Center. The room is set up like a class room, individual desks for all the players, a big desk up front, even a projector and other implements of education strewn around the room. They appear to be waiting..... except for Scrivens who appears to be asleep at his desk.

Kris Versteeg: Hey Cheese, did the note you got say anything about why we are here?

Colby Armstrong: Stop calling me that....and no, the note just said be here at 9am sharp.

Versteeg: Haha, sharp cheese....I used to play with a guy named Sharp. He smelt like tacos.

Armstrong: What the hell is wrong with you?

Versteeg: Beauty!

Just then the door opens. In walks Brian Burke, he is flanked by Dion Phaneuf and Mike Komisarek.

Dion Phaneuf: TEN HUT!

the players all snap to in their seats, except for Scrivens who is startled awake and falls sideways onto the floor

Scrivens: EEEYAUUUAH!

Brian Burke: Dion, what the hell did I tell you about that Army BS?

Phaneuf: SIR, YOU SAID NOT TO BARK ORDERS LIKE A DRILL SARGENT UNTIL THE SEASON STARTS, SIR!

Burke: and you are doing what?

Phaneuf: SIR, SORRY SIR, WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN SIR!

Burke: /sigh

Burke then pauses to look around the room at his new players, upright at their desks.

Burke: Welcome, all of you, to the Toronto Maple Leafs. This is to be your introductory class into the school of pugnacity, testosterone, truculence, and belligerence. Where you will learn what it means to play for a storied franchise such as the Leafs.

Versteeg: I played for the Blackhawks!

Burke: Yes, I know, but if you speak out of turn again, I will let Mike Komisarek here give you a practical lesson in pain.

Komisarek opens his suit jacket, revealing a holstered pistol with "Truculence" inscribed in the handle.

Armstrong raises his hand

Burke: Yes Colby?

Armstrong: well, uh...sir, I'm just curious as to what exactly we will be learning, I mean I am pretty good at body checking and the physical aspect of the game.

Burke: Oh yes, I know, that is why I brought you in. But we are hear to teach you MORE, this isnt just about being physical on the ice, it is about embodying the spirit of PTTB.

Versteeg raises his hand

Burke: Yes Chris?

Versteeg: Actually its Kris, but, uh yeah, like cheese said, I'm not sure exactly how we are going to learn what....

Versteeg trails off as he stares out the window

Armstrong: Uh....Kris?

Versteeg: birdy...beauty...birdeauty.....

Burke: Right....Ok we haven't heard from the rest of the class. Lets start with some get to know each other questions. How does it feel to be a Maple Leaf. Lets start with you Brett Lebda

Lebda: Brett Lebda likes being a Maple Leaf,Brett Lebda likes the city of Toronto. Brett Lebda is excited to go on the ice and play. Brett Lebda can't believe you pay him so much. Brett Lebda… Brett…. Lebda…Brett…..LebbbbbzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz

Burke: O....k..... Jussi?

Jussi Rynnas: En alle seistä omalla kielellä, koska en puhu Englanti. Minulla ei ole aavistustakaan, mitä täällä. Missä minun kengät?

Burke: The hell? Can we get a translator here? Where is Gustavsson when I need him?

Dion: SIR, GUSTAVSSON IS SWEDISH SIR, RYNNAS IS FINNISH, THAT IS TWO DIFFERENT LANGUAGES AND CULTURES, BOTH INTERESTING IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL WAY, SIR.

Burke: Shut up Dion.

Dion: SIR, YES SIR.

Armstrong raises his hand.

Burke: Yes, Cheese?

Armstrong: Well sir, I speak fluent Finnish and...wait, did you just call me Cheese?

Burke: Why yes I did, Cheese. It is very catchy.

Armstrong: Never mind....

Burke: Ok how about you Ben? Wait...why are you still on the floor?

Scrivens: It is cool and smooth, like Italian marble. Or the glass in a store front window.

Burke: O.k....fuck this, I'm out.

Burke walks to the door followed by Phaneuf and Komisarek, as he leaves he yells.

Burke: HEY RONNIE DUB, YOUR ON DECK.

Ron Wilson bursts in the room in full gangsta attire

Ron Wilson: YO YO YO CRACKA'S LETS GET RIZZEAL!

to be continued.....

some say.....

Are You Ready?

HEY MOTHER FUCKERS? YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?
HOLY SHIT! YOU GOD DAMN BETTER BELIEVE IT, ONE FUCKING DAY BEFORE THE MOTHER FUCKING ENTRY DRAFT!
GET EXCITED, THATS RIGHT MOTHER FUCKING EXCITED. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN, THEY'LL BE PLAYERS DRAFTED AND SHIT! YOU GET TO SEE WHAT TEAMS THOSE YOUNG MOTHER FUCKERS GET TO PLAY FOR!
HO LEEE FUUUUCK! YOU THINK THATS ALL? WELL ITS NOT, CHOPPER! YOU KNOW WHAT ALSO HAPPENS AT THE DRAFT? MOTHER. FUCKING. TRADES AND SHIT! TRADES!
YERRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHGUGUGUGUGUGH!
TRADEDS! PLAYERS BE MOVING TEAMS AND SHIT FOR OTHER PLAYERS GOING BACK TO THE OTHER TEAM, MAYBE EVEN SOME DRAFT PICKS! THAT IS JUST FUCKING WILD!
YOU KNOW WHAT IS COMING A FEW DAYS LATER?
FREE MOTHER FUCKING ANGENCY! FUCK YAH SIGNING PLAYERS AND SHIT!
SHIT IS ABOUT TI GET REAL SON WOOOOOOOO!

CAPTIAAAAAN CAAAAVEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

I for one welcome our new rock banging overlord

Rebirth

Como esta bitches?

Well, here we are, at an impasse of sorts. For the umpteenth time this season this little corner of the net has been, how you say, desolate. Why you ask? Well to be blunt (and a bit joint, maybe a teeny bit spliff) I have had zero drive to blog, write or create anything Leaf related. In fact, I had decided about a month ago that Die Hard Blue and White was going the way of the Dodo.

D as in ding dong the witch is dead. Hell I even had a good bye and farewell readers post written up.It was emotional, I got a little misty even. The best before date was set at today actually, end of the season, after the cup, I was dropping the hammer.

But then, dear readers, something hit me. A mystical force bitch slapped my brain like a Laperriere shot block.

“What the fuck kind of lazy ass quitter are you?” I thought. “This is bullshit, you are bullshit, stop being such a fucking donkey and man up moose. What do you think Burke would say?” Truth be told I have no idea what Burke would say. Probably something along the lines of “who the fuck are you? Get the fuck out of my office” and then he would shoot me or something, but I digress.

Quitting is for suckers , fools and Sucka fools. My mamma didn’t raise no sucka fool, so I am keeping this bitch a float. I can’t really say “I’m Back” because things they be a changing around here. The reason things got so bogged down round here were two fold.

One: the Leafs blew chunks all over the place which made them no fun at all to write about.

Two: I fell into a boring ass pattern of tired jokes, shitty gimmicks and forced humour.

Not to worry, your old favourites such as the open letter et all will remain staples of the site but things are going to be a little....well lets say sporadic, not in actual posting, no I promise this time that there will be plenty of updates, just the material will be less focused than it has been in the past. I know, scary right?

So hold on to your butts, even I don’t know where this is going, and I couldn’t be more excited to write.

Early Bird Gets The Elimination

Usually I don't charge up the ray for a 2nd time until the first round is over, but since the Sens have been vanquished and the Habs still stand....Fuck the Habs

NO CUP FOR YOU!

Powering up

Yes, dear readers, it is that time again. Time to dig out the trusty Anti-Playoff Hate ray. The undefeated, unavoidable ray of focused hate that knocks teams that piss me, and my fellow Leaf bretheren, off.
This years primary target, the inferiority complex to our North, the Ottawa Senators!
Zappy zappy.

Play Them Off Keyboard Cat

Hello out there,their off the air, Leaf hockey ended last night.
Tension grows the home team blows no draft picks calm the blight.
Our goalies stunk and the players are junk, Leaf fans all must be insane
Ron Wilson roars "our games were bores!" there's no more hockey games

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

2nd period:

With so much trash, plays have no flash, the Leafs are in a bind
Burke spent a buck, cap hit is bursting up and Toskala MUST be blind
Will the pain ever cease? stings like bumble bees and hurts a burning flame
They see us slide the booze inside -theres no more hockey games

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

3rd period: last game in this abortion of a season too

Oh take me where the hockey players actually show up at the rink-
And the Stanley Cup dreams are real enough for a good reason to drink-
I still feel sick, Kerry Fraser is a dick, hope things arnt as bad as they seem-
Theres always next year, and lots of beer! There's no more hockey games!

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

Oh there are no more hockey games, Leaf fans are feelin' shame
And the reason they feel that shame is that their team can't play the game

Stats Quo - Update

Prospect Stat Check - How we doin?

Phillipe Paradis - Shawiningan Cataractes - QMJHL
Reg - 63GP - 24G - 20A - 44PTS - 104PIM
Post -5GP- 2G - 1A - 3PTS - 0PIM

Mikhail Stephanovich - Quebec Ramparts - QMJHL
Reg- 53GP - 25G - 43A - 68PTS - 24PIM
Post -5GP - 3G - 6A - 9PTS - 0PIM
Dale Mitchell - Windsor Spitfires - OHL
Reg - 32GP - 16G - 27A - 43PTS - 44PIM
Post - 4GP - 2G - 4A - 6PTS - 6PIM

Jesse Blacker - Owen Sound Attack - OHL
Reg- 57GP - 6G - 27A - 33PTS - 74PIM
Post - N/A

Kenny Ryan - Windsor Spitfires - OHL
Reg - 52GP - 14G - 21A - 35PTS - 33PIM
Post -4Gp - 1G - 0A - 1PTS - 4PIM

Nazem Kadri - London Knights - OHL
Reg- 56GP - 35G - 58A - 93PTS - 105PIM
Post - 5GP - 4G - 10 A - 14PTS - 14PIM

Joel Champagne - Victoriaville Tigers - QMJHL
Reg - 65GP - 38G - 41A - 79PTS - 47PIM
Post - 5GP - 3G - 2A - 5PTS - 0 PIM

Jerry D'Amigo - R.P.I - NCAA
Reg - 35GP - 10G -24A - 34PTS - 37PIM
Post - N/A

James Devane -Plymouth Whalers - OHL
Reg - 51GP - 6G - 8A - 14PTS - 84PIM
Post - 5GP - 0G -1A - 1PTS - 7PIM

Jimmy Hayes - Boston College - NCAA
Reg - 38GP - 10G - 20A -30PTS - 22PIM
Post - N/A

Chris DiDominico - Drummondville Voltigeurs - QMJHL
Reg - 12GP - 7G - 15A - 22PIM - 10PIM
Post - 4GP - 2G - 8A - 10PTS - 0PIM

Odd Ends but No End To The Odd

Holy shit...I have a blog.
Remember when I said I was back? Well I mean it this time.
First things first. You may have noticed a not so shocking lack of "game in ten words or less" posts.
There is a reason for that. I hate doing it. It was a good idea that I might bring back next year but the Leafs season thus far has created a burnout of sorts, so no more of that this season *.
Secondly. Fuck the Senators. Bunch of gutless pukes, enjoy your first round exit ya tool bags.
Thirdly .I am loving the play of the youth movement in Toronto. There is still a ton of work to be done and players like Stalberg, Caputi and Hanson REALLY need some seasoning in the AHL. Sure they all show flashes of what might be but now they look like marginal NHLers.
Fourthly. did anyone expect the Leafs to miss Grabbo that much? Since his return they are on a tear. Love that crazy bastard.
Fithly. Seriously, fuck the Senators. Alfredsson is a piece of dog shit.
Sixthly. I am actually enjoying Leaf games again. I am past the whole "oh noes the Bruins might get Hall!" thing and am actually excited to see how the team gels together and grows as a group.
Seventh.....ly. I like soup.

*Offer void If I think of something hilarious or what not.

PS - I don't give a fuck about Tiger Woods, shut up about it
PPS - Fuck the Sens

Where Dreams Go To Die

Short and sweet, I am trying to be productive today so you don't get any filler (funny how the post isn't empty eh?)
Here are the top 5 dreams of Leaf fans round yon Interwebs that NEED TO DIE BECAUSE THEY ARN'T FUCKING HAPPENING.

1 - Getting Kovalchuck in the off season. Too much money, too much term, too much soft one way sniper and we already have Kessel and half what he will cost.

2- Trading Kaberle to Vancouver for Hodgeson/Kesler whatever. The Nucks don't need Kaberle bad enough to part with the price Burke will be asking.

3 - Trading Kaberle for Jordan Staal. See number 2, the Pens wont even consider it.

4- Penciling Kadri in the lineup next year. He won't get more than a cup of tea with the Leafs next year and will spend the majority with the Marlies to put on weight and test his metal against grown ass men.

5- Another quantity for quality trade (see Phaneuf trade). I've seen a lot of "well look what we gave up for Phaneuf!" talk when discussing possible future trades. But think about this. Most of the remaining peices are either UFA's that are going to be let walk (Exelby, Lundmark) or young talent (Kulemin, Schenn, Caputi) that Burke won't trade.
All of the tradeable value, except Kaberle , is gone.

Bonus crushed dream
Stop expecting a Kings ransom for Kaberle.
Lets pretend the Hawks need a puck mover, and they don't win the cup, maybe get beat in the quarters or whatever(note, I am not suggesting this trade it is just a value example) and they REALLY like Kaberle and think he could be the final peice to get them the chalice. Ignoring cap situations and logistics, I peg maximum return for a Kaberle straight up to Chicago at the 26th over all 1st round pick, Akim Alue and either a 2nd round in 2011 or a 3rd in 2010, and even that is pushing it.