Best Case Scenario

Hey Y'all, you know what I like? I'm sure you have a general understanding as I tend to be blunt with such things, especially this one, I love me a good list.
Speaking of lists (segwaaaaaaaaay) here's a relevant one!

Things I want to see on draft day/ free agency, with detail

DO

- trade for the 5th over all pick from Atl for Kabby, Stajan/Grabovski/2nd round pick package
- Use 5th over all to draft Schenn 2.0 or Kane (whoever LA doesnt take)
- Use 7th over all to draft Cowen
- Trade Kubby + 3rd rounder to Florida for their 14th over all pick and a prospect
- Use 14th over all pick to draft Ryan Ellis, Zach Kassian or Carter Ashton (who ever is best left)
- Make a big play for Jay Bowmeister (if Kabby goes) for 5.5 mill for 4 years
- Make a play for Bauchemin for 3.75 Mill for 3 years
- Sign Travis Moen for 2-2.5 Mill for 3 years
- Sign the Monster for max allowed salary for 2 years
- Sign Grabovski (if not traded) for a MAXIMUM (and thats pushing it) 3 mill for 3 years.
- resign Pogge for a 2 year contract, remind him this is his last chance.
- put Remier on the Marlies, challange Pogge, dethrone him if necessary

DONT

- trade up for the top 3, will cost way too much
- trade Poni, he will have a break out season
- trade the vesa, he isnt as bad as people say, and his value can only go up
- trade down, there is too much tallent at 7 to let get away
- Make a ploy for Camallari, he will be too expensive
- Persue the Sedins, they may be elite point a game players, but down the road (especially 5+ years) they will be a liability of grandious perportions
- Make a move for Komeserik, douchebags need not apply.
- Give Pogge ANY NHL time (catastrophic injuries to both Leaf goalies excepted) until he earns it
- get off track with the rebuild, no matter what happens, don't rush it. We're building a dynasty here, not a one shot deal.

Token Insanity


CRAZY MONKEY APPLE PANTS!

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

Ubiquitous Cup Winner Post Extravaganza!

Pens is Winner, Ha-Ha-Ha
Stupid Redwings
Yay Hal Gill, Cup is now scared of heights
Hossa is curse, cleans with fire!
End of the Crosby dirt beard
Here come the draft

Intangebles

There has been much talk round yon Barilkosphere about said upcoming draft, who do we want Burkie to go after, who brings the best fit in skill set, what is plausible?
Well I am all about intangibles, so I have examined, studied and spent several minuites coming up with some that you might not have thought about for the top 10 ranked players that may or may not be a Toronto Maple Leaf next month.

10 - Nazem Kadri - He likes big butts, and he cannot lie, who am I to argue with that logic?

9 - Dmitri Kulikov - Has dreams of playing with his idols Kaberle and Kubina on an empty netter six man power play forming the KKK wall!

8- Oliver Ekman-Larsson - Has a running bet with MSP for who will be the greatest player with three names in this draft

7 - Jared Cowen - his insatiable appetite for whole oxen will cure the plauge of them that surround the GTA

6 - Brayden Schenn - Instantly makes Toronto the undisputed sexiest city in the world, take THAT Montreal and Madrid!

5 - M. Svensson-Paajarvi - Has what some call Magnus Sensory Perception (or MSP) which means he has an uncanny ability to sense Magnus'

4 - Evander Kane - He can recite every mighty ducks movie by memory, isn't affraid to bust out the flying V during games, but that loses some of its effect when no one else on the team participates.

3 - Matt Duchene - Because of a mild understanding, he gets everyone of his sticked blessed by a Llama by getting it to spit on the blade. Seems to be working.

2 - Victor Hedman - Knows how to swear at opponents in 7 different languages so he can chirp at anyone, except the French, because he doesnt consider that a proper language.

1 - John Tavares - He looks like Steve Dangle, thats gotta count for something.

As Things Sit

One of the things I like to sit and day dream about are line combinations. I find it soothing in a weird way. So how do I see the Leafs stacking up for next year? Well, its probably redundant to do such a thing before the draft, and and the opening of the trade market flood gates that it sometimes starts, but why the hell not. I'm bored and I need a new post.
Here she goes

Poni - Stajan - Blake = not much of a first line, but they will be serviceable for now
Kulemin - Grabbo - Hagman = I loved this lines chemistry, Id love to see it continue
Tlusty - Bozak - Stralberg = speed, size, good skill, if this line can get chemistry, look out
Mayers - J. Mtchell - Hanson = Hanson needs to work on his game a might, he could move up or down to the AHL if needed.

Kaberle - Kubina = good mix of everything
Schenn - VanRyn = Another good mix, Schenn kills things VanRyn stays healthy, one of those will happen
Finger -White = a decent shut down pair with some mustache/offensive flair

7th D-man - Frogren

Goaltending Tandum
Pogge - Toskala platoon = Really, its all we have (currently) why not?

odd men out - Oreskovic, Straleman, Stapleton, Didominico, Williams, and D. Mitchell.

With the exception of Dido, who's Injury very well could take him out for the whole season, any of these players could be substituted into , well pretty much any line short of the top two defensive pairings (baring VanRy's health). I don't take too much stock in these lines, and will update accodringly as things change. What be your suggestions?

LoLeafs - Prospect Edition

Hey look, its everyone's favourite Memorial Cup player! He seems to be missing something though......

If You Don't Weigh In, You Don;t Wrastle

A few weeks ago in a alternate dimension, a story inspired by a great post is unfolding. In the late 1990's, Gary Bettman, in an attempt to popularize the NHL in the Southern United states, made an agreement with one Vince McMahon to use a new format for the NHL post season. It was a smash hit in the southern states and quickly became the biggest money maker in the history of professional sports. Enter now, into the 2009 Stanley Cup Rumble.

Hughson : Hi everyone I'm Jim Hughson and welcome to the 2009 Stanley Cup Rumble.

McGuire: AND IM PIERRE MCGUIRE, WE HAVE AN AAAAMAZING RUMBLE LINED UP FOR YOU TONIGHT!

Hughson: Thats right Pierre, these teams have been doing battle all year, jostling for position in the Rumble, but its still up in the air what player each team will choose to represent them.

McGuire: I'M EXCITED!!!

Hughson: Of course you are Pierre, there are going to be some suprises, and here we go.

the lights dim and the crowd starts to cheer loudly. Nothing happens for 30 seconds

Hughson: Seems as though the Islanders are having trouble picking a representative, and wait, we're getting something from the trade floor, it seems that they have traded their first round pick and their spot in the Rumble to...

MUSIC interupts

McGuire: THATS MIKHAIL GRABOVSKI'S MUSIC!!! BRIAN BURKE HAS DONE IT AGAIN

Grabovski runs to the ring and starts bouncing around the ropes like a mad man

Hughson: well this is our first surprise of the night, I'm getting now that Burke has traded Kaberle, the Leafs first round pick in the 09 draft and a shiney peice of metal to the Islanders for there shot at the rumble and the Islanders first round pick, this cant be right.

McGuire: WELL WE'LL HAVE TO SORT THAT OUT LATER, GRABOVSKI'S FIRST OPPONENT IS ABOUT TO COME OUT, LETS SEE WHO THE LIGHTENING PICK!

Hughson: And it looks like it will be....Vincint Lecavalier, no surprise here Pierre, Lecavalier is a feirce competator.

Lecavalier hits the ring and goes right after Grabovski who ducks and scampers out of Lecavaliers reach.

Hughson: Grabovski's speed will serve him well here, but he can't stay away forever.

Lecavalier charges Grabovski again who is by the ropes, he ducks and Lecavalier isnt able to stop in time, he flies over the ropes

McGuire: AND JUST LIKE THAT, TAMPA IS ELIMINATED, LOOKS LIKE LECAVALIER GOT A LITTLE TOO FOCUSED ON GRABOVSKI AND FORGOT WHERE HE WAS. MONSTER MOVE BY THE LITTLE BELERUSSIAN!!!

the 90 seconds expire and Darcy Tucker enters the arena and jogs to the ring

Hughson: This should be interesting, the ex Maple Leaf VS the rookie Maple Leaf

McGuire: WHAT A MONSTER MATCHUP!

Tucker and Grabovski exchange blows but nothing serious is delt. 90 seconds tick by and Dustin Brown who charges the Two smaller men, Grabovski is knocked flat and Tucker launched over the top rope. Brown begins to thump on the smaller Grabovski on the groud.

Hughson: Oh and tough luck for Colorado as Tucker never even saw Brown coming, Grabovski is getting the beating of his life in there against Brown.

After 90 seconds, nothing happens.

Hughson: The Thrashers seem to have forgotten to send someone

Grabovski is bloodied on the ground, Brown doesnt let up

90 more seconds tick by

Hughson: No sign of the Phoenix representative either.

Brown continues to pumble Grabovski for a few seconds then stands up and shoots a confused look towards the entry gate, he turns back to his opponent only to catch a missel drop kick to the chest

McGuire: WHAT A MISTAKE BY BROWN, NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE OPPONENT.

Grabovski gives the fallen brown a few elbow drops and climbs to the top rope and jumps at Brown

McGuire : ITS THE FLYING PINE APPLE!!

at the last second Brown rolls over and Grabovski slams into the mat face first.
both players lay on the mat catching their breath

Hughson: I am now getting that both Atlanta and Phoenix are not sending any players out as they are all stuck at the Hamilton airport.

McGuire: THIS IS A CRAZY TURN OF EVENTS, TWO LESS PLAYERS MEANS ITS JUST THAT MUCH EASIER TO WIN THE RUMBLE.

Hughson: and here's where things get interesting, next out is the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Brown gets up and starts walking towards the fallen Grabovski just as the 90 seconds The music
hits and the crown goes nuts

McGuire: ITS LUKE SCHENN, LUKE SCHENN IS HERE!!

Brown just stares awestruck as Schenn strides down the ramp, who seems in no hurry. Behind him Grabovski gets to the top turn buckle and dives at Brown, another Flying Pineapple, but this time is strikes home and Brown is launched out of the ring over the top rope.

Hughson: The presence of Luke Schenn was enough to make Brown forget about Grabovski, I cant say I blame him.

Schenn enters the ring, and highfives the bleeding Grabovski who then goes to the far corner to catch his breath.
90 Seconds, Steve Ott comes out for Dallas, to no music, takes one look at Schenn and stops at the top of the ramp, goes no further and smiles

Hughson: Whats going on here, Ott refuses to come to the ring, but he looks like he has something up his sleeve.

McGuire: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU JIM, THIS IS UNHEARD OF

Suddenly the music hits and Dustin Penner, Chris Neil, Andrew Peters, Derek Boogard and Bryan McCabe all rush the ring.

McGuire: OH MY GOD, THIS IS INSANITY.

Hughson: looks like they have formed some sort of alliance in order to take out this pair of Leafs, Bettman won't like this, I'm sure the representative teams will be pun...no wait, I am hearing that the NHL board is letting this go with a warning.

McGuire: SCHENN AND GRABOVSKI ARE IN FOR ONE HELL OF A FIGHT NOW

Penner and Neil go after Grabovski, who darts away trying to stay out of range while the rest go after Schenn. Schenn charges Peters, who reaches him first, a thundering body check throws Peters back into Boogard who falls and takes out Neil and Penner. Grabovski ducks behind Schenn who squares off against McCabe, suddenly Schenn ducks and Grabovski flyes off the ropes at McCabe and drops him with a missel drop kick. Suddenly though, Boogard, Neil, Penner and Peters untangle themselves and decend on Schenn, they dog pile and pin him in the corner.
McCabe Swats Grabovski off of him and picks the smaller man up.

Hughson: The Leafs are in trouble now, Schenn is overwhelmed and McCabe has Grabovski, looks like he is going for his finnishing move.

McCabe Slams Grabovski to the mat. Hard.

McGuire: CAN-OPENER, GRABOVSKI IS OUT OF IT!

The gaggle of united players start trying to throw a struggling Schenn over the top rope, they arn't having an easy time. McCabe see's this and goes to help. They all struggle, but the added assistance of McCabe seems to be winning out.
Suddenly, Grabovski stirs. He rolls over and gets to his hands and knees. No one notices him. Spitting up blood he gets to his feet. And throws all he has into a charge.....

To be continued.

Investigative Reports

Breaking news from the Die Hard Blue and White news center. Brian Burke is at it again, scouring the world for unknowns that can benefit his hockey team. Sources are reporting that Burke has inked action star Jason Statham to an entry level contract with the Toronto Maple Leafs. Seen below practicing, Statham showed why he is one of the most sought after movie stars of today.
He scored several fancy shootout goals on an unknown goaltender (to be discussed later) which included back flips, skating up the boards and using random foreign objects in the heat of the moment. Statham refused to answer questions after his astounding first time ever on skates but released this brief statement "How'd you like that one, tough guy? How fricking awesome was that, huh? "

The biggest surprise was yet to come however, when the goaltender Statham had been shooting on made his way off the ice and removed his mask.

---

Mr Crowe refused to even make a statement, but muttered about throwing a telephone at our reporter if he didnt get out of the way.
When asked to coment on the Crowe situation, Burke stated simply "We are always on the hunt for new tallent, there is a current veteran gap in our goaltending situation with Cujo leaving after last season. Crowe caught my eye, and plays with the same edge that he uses to fight around the world. I believe he will be a great asset to this organization".

While the total lack of hockey experiance of either of these players is glaring and obvious, Statham's raw, unconventional skill and Crowes obvious physical zeal will at the very least prove entertaining to watch in the upcomming season.