Monday, July 28, 2008

Comedy Hour

An Ottawa based Doctor enters his office and a man in a Sens jersey is sitting on his examination table holding a large blood soaked towel to his foot.
"Well what do we have here, Mr..." he checks the chart "Jack Smith"**
"Fuck doc" he starts " I was in line for some hockey tickets, see the Sens are playing the Laffs next month and I wanted to get some good seats you know. And this jack ass Laff fan in a Sundin Jersey is in front of me starts eye ballin' me and shit. So I says to the fucker, what you staring at jackass? The reason your team hasn't made the playoffs for 3 years? So you know what this fuck face says to me? He says that the Leafs won the Battle of Ontario last year, fucking fuck I mean Fuck! So I get in his face, start telling him how shitty the Leafs are. I mean, can you imagine being a Leaf fan in Ottawa? Having to deal with watching a good team on the ice? I mean the brain damage this guy must have had. So he tells me to step off, he just wants to get his tickets and not get involved with an ass like me. Can you believe that? A Leaf fan calling me an ass? So I call him the pussy that he is and am just getting going on ripping into his team when I slip off the curb, and step on a goddamn nail, hurts like hell."

"Ok" says the doc "take off your shoe, I need to stem the bleeding"

So the man takes the shoe off his injured foot as the doc pulls out a pair of medic scissors.

"What the hell are you doing with those doc?"

"Well I'm out of gauze, but good thing you wore that hockey sweater, the material is perfect for making a make shift band aid."

"whoa whoa doc, you can't do that, this is an authentic Alfredson jersey, It cost me 200$"

"Well it's going to cost you your foot if you don't stem the bleeding soon, that jersey is your only hope for saving your foot"

the man sighs and nods. And the doc begins cutting, within seconds the Jersey is in ribbons and the doctor begins to wrap the mans foot with the tattered remains. As he does this, the doctor's elbow bumps a cabinet and several dozen packages of gauze come tumbling out.

"what the hell?" quips the Sens fan, his face flushing with anger "What kind of Doctor are you?"

The Doc looks up and smiles at the man

"Dr Leaf fan, at your service."

**Name = fictional But Note, this is a story that was told to me by a paramedic buddy of mine, he claims it is an actual event that took place in a Gatineaux hospital, why I doubt the total and utter truth behind it. It's god damned funny to think it may have happened. I also updated it with last seasons happenings to keep the joke relevant.


Anonymous said...

Awesome story!

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

i hope that's true. it's a must read for all senators fans.

general borschevsky said...

Funny story. Well told. I believe it.

Loser Domi said...

Well, a Sens jersey is already red, so the blood wouldn't even show that much!