Hmm, seems' PPP has thrown down the "Who, What, Where, When and How" Gauntlet of Leafdom over at the fine establishment we all know as Pension Plan Puppets.
And Since I am all about cutting corners....I mean killing birds with stones and throwing eggs at baskets and what not. I'm gonna cross-post this bad boy.
This story starts (for me at least) in a little tri-city slice called Kitchener. At the tender age of 5, I was a huge hockey fan, but hadn't developed a taste for a particular team yet. Instead of watching games with my father, I was usually out playing road or pond hockey with my mates until bed time. that didn't give much time for the Leafs to take a hold of me. Then one day, out of the blue, I noticed my father wearing a strange yet wondrous, Blue Maple Leaf hat. I queried "Father, is that thine most favouritist ice hockey club?"
"Yes, I doth been a fan of yonder Maple Leafs of Toronto for nigh on four score"
And as the mind of a 5 year old works when his father says something is the best I retorted "then tis mine as well"
From that point on, everything hockey became everything Blue and White, I wanted posters, shirts, hats, flasks, anything with that magnetic Maple Leaf adorning it. I also began to watch real live NHL games on the TV. After the first one I was hooked. Iafrate's bald spot and Alan Bester's five hole could not get me to turn away. I was forever and hopelessly ever addicted.
My addiction culminated in the infamous 93 playoff run. Since then I get withdrawal if I miss one game, the shakes if a trade happens and I don't know about it and blinding rage when someone dares question my loyalty to this team.
Years of this madness have turned me into the lovable weirdo of London that you have all come to know and wonder what the hell is wrong with.
Peace Out Homeslices!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
They're Comming To Take Me Away, Ha-ha
I sat down at work last night on my break and did some thinkin'. I asked myself between bites of leftover Panzeroti and slugs from my flask"Self, what the hell kind of team is Un'ca Cliff trying to build here" and at first, I couldn't answer myself. So myself stared at me with wonder in my eyes while I thought.
"Well" I said to myself, trying to stall for time. "Lets take a look at what he's done so far". Myself nodded and we went over the list of additions. First we discussed how Cliff went after leadership and toughness with the Jamal Mayers pickup. Then about how he is solidifying the rear end with rock hard stay at home defensive types by trading up to Draft Shenn and pulling Colorado's Finger. The pattern then became more muddy when we talked about going for speed up front with the signings of Grab-ass and Hag-ass. Myself and I soon became a little frustrated when we talked about him jumping back on the physical defense train with the Frog and then back again to the 'tough' angle with our most recent pick up in Hollwigger.
"Wow" Myself exlaimed to me "Cliff is more all over the map than Micheal J. Fox playing risk" I shot myself a look for being insensitive to the 80's mega-stars plight. "what?" he asked, oblivious idiot.
"Well" I said to myself. "I just think Cliff is trying to do everything he can to get the wheels back on the cart. He said that the dressing room was going to look much different come next season and he hasn't gone back on that"
"But what the hell is he gonna do with all these bodies? The Leafs have more extra men than a Village people music video"
"true" I said, ignoring the ignorant comment "but maybe he is just building up a surplus for when he ditches Bell, or McCabe or Kubina. Hell, he may even be saying in a round about way to the Leafs that if they don't want to play well, that they have plenty of bodies to fill the holes while you sit in the press box"
"Hmmmm, that actually makes a modicum of sense" Myself seemed pleased with this answer, and so was I. Especially since it would mean he would shut the hell up and let me eat my dinner.
"You gonna finish that Panzoroti?"
Man, myself is a dumb ass.
"Well" I said to myself, trying to stall for time. "Lets take a look at what he's done so far". Myself nodded and we went over the list of additions. First we discussed how Cliff went after leadership and toughness with the Jamal Mayers pickup. Then about how he is solidifying the rear end with rock hard stay at home defensive types by trading up to Draft Shenn and pulling Colorado's Finger. The pattern then became more muddy when we talked about going for speed up front with the signings of Grab-ass and Hag-ass. Myself and I soon became a little frustrated when we talked about him jumping back on the physical defense train with the Frog and then back again to the 'tough' angle with our most recent pick up in Hollwigger.
"Wow" Myself exlaimed to me "Cliff is more all over the map than Micheal J. Fox playing risk" I shot myself a look for being insensitive to the 80's mega-stars plight. "what?" he asked, oblivious idiot.
"Well" I said to myself. "I just think Cliff is trying to do everything he can to get the wheels back on the cart. He said that the dressing room was going to look much different come next season and he hasn't gone back on that"
"But what the hell is he gonna do with all these bodies? The Leafs have more extra men than a Village people music video"
"true" I said, ignoring the ignorant comment "but maybe he is just building up a surplus for when he ditches Bell, or McCabe or Kubina. Hell, he may even be saying in a round about way to the Leafs that if they don't want to play well, that they have plenty of bodies to fill the holes while you sit in the press box"
"Hmmmm, that actually makes a modicum of sense" Myself seemed pleased with this answer, and so was I. Especially since it would mean he would shut the hell up and let me eat my dinner.
"You gonna finish that Panzoroti?"
Man, myself is a dumb ass.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Weekend Update
Due to foreseen laziness, effort is suspended on my behalf.
Please enjoy the awesomeness of someone else's hard work.
Please enjoy the awesomeness of someone else's hard work.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Too Many Grandmas
The Leafs have, at the current station in time, too many men on the back end, and no, that's not a He Score / He Shoot reference.
Defense men, they be coming out of the woodwork, they be. McCabe, Kabby, Kubina, Carlo, The human Pun, Straleman, White, and probably Marlie training camp challengers in Kronwall, Froggy (yes, I've already nicknamed him) And TFS 2.0 (all rights reserved Four Habs Fans) the Shenninator the Leafs have a veritable plethora of blue line buccaneers.
Now, most likely, some of the above mentioned will be traded, moved or Marlie'd. I have a better, more unorthodox idea. I know eh? Unorthodox? From me? What is this, Bizarro world (Of Loser Domi).
It is simple. Make center a defensive position. That's right. Ya' Heard Me! The Leafs are already off center, so to speak, with no true number one center men. So this balances the roster nicely. Make one of the Defense, preferably one who can take a face off (practice practice practice boyos) and who has some decent speed take center stage! Its brilliant!
The Leafs aren't exactly an offensive power and goals will doubt fully come in bunches, but imagine Kabby patrolling the high slot in a defensive stance with Shut downers Finger and Shenn covering far back. Kabby's vision and excellent first pass combined with his excellent skating and positioning feeding speedsters like Blake and Grabs will have other teams in fits!
Throw this all in with Commander Wilson's penchant for defensive play and coaching and you have one tasty soup.
You can leave your complements to the chef in the comments.
Defense men, they be coming out of the woodwork, they be. McCabe, Kabby, Kubina, Carlo, The human Pun, Straleman, White, and probably Marlie training camp challengers in Kronwall, Froggy (yes, I've already nicknamed him) And TFS 2.0 (all rights reserved Four Habs Fans) the Shenninator the Leafs have a veritable plethora of blue line buccaneers.
Now, most likely, some of the above mentioned will be traded, moved or Marlie'd. I have a better, more unorthodox idea. I know eh? Unorthodox? From me? What is this, Bizarro world (Of Loser Domi).
It is simple. Make center a defensive position. That's right. Ya' Heard Me! The Leafs are already off center, so to speak, with no true number one center men. So this balances the roster nicely. Make one of the Defense, preferably one who can take a face off (practice practice practice boyos) and who has some decent speed take center stage! Its brilliant!
The Leafs aren't exactly an offensive power and goals will doubt fully come in bunches, but imagine Kabby patrolling the high slot in a defensive stance with Shut downers Finger and Shenn covering far back. Kabby's vision and excellent first pass combined with his excellent skating and positioning feeding speedsters like Blake and Grabs will have other teams in fits!
Throw this all in with Commander Wilson's penchant for defensive play and coaching and you have one tasty soup.
You can leave your complements to the chef in the comments.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Curse Of The Open Letter
I just realized something, every person I have written an open letter to has been removed, traded or bought out by the Leafs. Think about it. JFJ, Raycroft, Wellwood, Tucker, Woznewski.
And that got me to thinking....
An Open letter To Bryan McCabe:
Hey Bryan.
Whats up? How are the kids? Enjoying the weather on this lovely summers day? Just writting to catch up. You know where to write back.
Peace out hommie!
Jaredolflondon.
And that got me to thinking....
An Open letter To Bryan McCabe:
Hey Bryan.
Whats up? How are the kids? Enjoying the weather on this lovely summers day? Just writting to catch up. You know where to write back.
Peace out hommie!
Jaredolflondon.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Dodging A Bullet....Or Two....Hey, Put Down The Uzi
There has been a lot of talk goin' round yond inter-webs bout Unc'a Cliff getting a little zany with the free agency, but I'm gonna put that in perspective. Show you what crazy assed contracts we DON'T have to deal with in the imediate future.
Vancouver signs RFA forward Kyle Wellwood to a 1 year deal worth $997,500
- Sure, we don't get to make battered fist jokes anymore, but then we won't have too.
Washington signs UFA goaltender Jose Theodore to a 2 year deal worth $9 million
- Thats right, Jose 'Rogain' Theodore at 4.5 million a year...Christ almighty.
Colorado signs UFA goaltender Andrew Raycroft to a 1 year deal worth $800,000
-Saying they get a deal because of the buyout situation is like saying you got some expired salmon on sale at the Price Chopper. Mmmmm Salmon-ella (Booyah!).
Chicago signs UFA defenceman Brian Campbell to an 8 year deal worth $56.8-million
- 7.1 mill a year for a purely offensive defenseman, Kabby is the deal of the century.
New York Rangers sign UFA defenceman Wade Redden to a six-year contract worth $39 million
- Redden sucks as much as he did last year in Ottawa, now going to a worse defensive team in the Rangers and is still gonna pull 5.75 a year. Good for them, they deserve it. Stupid Rangers.
All that and free-agency has all but started. Don't you feel a little better now?
I do.....I think.
Jeff Finger? 14 Mill? Are You FUCKING Kidding Me?
Vancouver signs RFA forward Kyle Wellwood to a 1 year deal worth $997,500
- Sure, we don't get to make battered fist jokes anymore, but then we won't have too.
Washington signs UFA goaltender Jose Theodore to a 2 year deal worth $9 million
- Thats right, Jose 'Rogain' Theodore at 4.5 million a year...Christ almighty.
Colorado signs UFA goaltender Andrew Raycroft to a 1 year deal worth $800,000
-Saying they get a deal because of the buyout situation is like saying you got some expired salmon on sale at the Price Chopper. Mmmmm Salmon-ella (Booyah!).
Chicago signs UFA defenceman Brian Campbell to an 8 year deal worth $56.8-million
- 7.1 mill a year for a purely offensive defenseman, Kabby is the deal of the century.
New York Rangers sign UFA defenceman Wade Redden to a six-year contract worth $39 million
- Redden sucks as much as he did last year in Ottawa, now going to a worse defensive team in the Rangers and is still gonna pull 5.75 a year. Good for them, they deserve it. Stupid Rangers.
All that and free-agency has all but started. Don't you feel a little better now?
I do.....I think.
Jeff Finger? 14 Mill? Are You FUCKING Kidding Me?
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tucker'd Out
A Departing Letter To Darcy Tucker
Dear Darcy:
It is with heavy heart that I, like many Leaf fans, see you leave our beloved team. We will miss watching #16 this upcoming season, and every season after that. Like all the great Maple Leaf players, you have left a lasting impression on us. You have shown us heart, soul and passion on the ice that we will be hard pressed to ever see again. You were, and are a fan favourite for a reason. We Loved you as Side-show Bob, we loved you as Crazy Eyes, we loved you as Power Play weapon number one and we loved you last year, when you weren't all there physically. But most of all, we loved you as a Toronto Maple Leaf.
We wish you nothing but good fortune and luck in all your future endeavours and hope with fingers crossed, that one day, we will again see you in Blue and White. You are forever a Maple Leaf to us.
One Die Hard Fan of Darcy Tucker.
Jared Of London
Dear Darcy:
It is with heavy heart that I, like many Leaf fans, see you leave our beloved team. We will miss watching #16 this upcoming season, and every season after that. Like all the great Maple Leaf players, you have left a lasting impression on us. You have shown us heart, soul and passion on the ice that we will be hard pressed to ever see again. You were, and are a fan favourite for a reason. We Loved you as Side-show Bob, we loved you as Crazy Eyes, we loved you as Power Play weapon number one and we loved you last year, when you weren't all there physically. But most of all, we loved you as a Toronto Maple Leaf.
We wish you nothing but good fortune and luck in all your future endeavours and hope with fingers crossed, that one day, we will again see you in Blue and White. You are forever a Maple Leaf to us.
One Die Hard Fan of Darcy Tucker.
Jared Of London
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